What I Don't Need...
What I DON'T need- Is for someone to tell me I look like shit. I know I do. I got 3 hours of sleep last night (technically this morning- bed at 01:30, took half an hour to fall asleep, alarm at 05:00).
What I DON'T need- is for someone to tell me to smile! It could be worse. Really?
What I DON'T need- is for someone to tell me to go get some sleep- you'll feel better. I'm too tired to sleep, actually. And the fact that I drank half a pot of coffee upon getting up, then a Monster and a half to get through my work run this morning... Thanks, but no- I'll pass.
What I DO need- is to spend quality time with my husband. He got home yesterday evening. We quickly ate dinner. Then he, Mouse, and I proceeded to spend the entire night- 19:30 till 01:30- desperately trying to complete the impossible task dealt him by... BLANK BLANK BLANK, then BLANK BLANK BLANK blank blank blank blank!!!! I'm sorry ya'll but what I would say, if I said it- would most likely offended even the darkest of hearts and minds. That isn't quality time after being apart since Sunday night. That was cursing and swearing and adding numbers and working on spread sheets. Tragically- today he is in meetings where no doubt he and the others are getting blamed for things that aren't their fault at all but it makes someone else feel better by making them scapegoats. So tonight- he'll be in a sour mood- as will I, I'm sure of it. Tomorrow he goes to work for a 24 hour shift. Saturday, if he comes home at all since it is his on call weekend, he'll most likely be tired. But I'm honestly not planning on him coming home.
I'm not complaining- shit I wouldn't dare! Should I protest and complain I might get chastised for it. Made a martyr for the cause! It would be cast about FB that I complain too much! I am simply stating facts as facts in my life and lack of seeing my Hubby in the last week or so.
What I DO need- is to finally figure out what I'm going to say and how I'm going to deal with the reactions to my serious distaste in a situation with "a person I know" and someone I once considered a good friend- someone fun to hang out with when I got the chance. A little explanation, I feel, is in order. I have an instant, visceral reaction to the word and concept of adultery. What was casually spoken of as rumor has suddenly turned to all out fact. And I am having a reaction to the idea. Almost an allergic reaction- I get fidgety and avoid eye contact when I cross paths with one of the parties involved. Whether or not a spouse was the first to cheat, cheating back as a means of "getting even" or "having you're fun too" doesn't make it okay. Not one tiny F*in bit!!! Adultery is the most painful thing you could do to someone you once loved. To bury that knife in their chest and watch them bleed out right before you're eyes... Or even worse yet- making a sneak attack and burying that knife in their back when they aren't looking... Need I say more?
It happened to me. Thank god he did it to my face- admitted it at least, and let me watch as he plunged the poisoned blade between my ribs and twisted it to the hilt. Finality of the evil deed was only confirmed and we got a divorce. I have the scars to prove it. Then the sick feeling of knowing my gut instincts were right years before and I stayed with him, hoping I was wrong only made the bleeding out worse. So pardon me if my feelings about the idea of sleeping around on your spouse sickens me a tad.
Is it my life I'm speaking of, hell no! Is it someone else's life I am speaking of? Yes, certainly. And I know it is THEIR lives and not for me to condemn or justify. What my problem is- do I remain friends with the one I cared about? Now knowing that what I thought was casual, funny times "flirting" was actually intended from his direction- knowing what I know now? Or do I severe the friendship, since I hate and am sickened by the idea of infidelity? And if I don't, how do we go back to being friends, since I will certainly bear resentment of what he is doing? WTF do I do now?
And honestly, now that talk about the situation is out there to be heard (not by me, mind you all. It was in the open long before this blog)- the whispers and rumor mill chatter that the "couple" feels like that are being chastised for what's going on. I'm sorry, but how exactly do you think it was going to play out? "Oooohhhh.... Let's feel sorry for the home wrecker? Oh goodness, that's so sad... Aren't they a cute couple though?" Puuhhh-llleeeaassee! Don't you watch reality TV? The cheaters always get the raw end of the deal and the world pities the spouses/children. Then the tabloids have a field day splashing the photos of the infidelity in supermarket check-out lanes everywhere! Hello- case in point, Eddie Ci-bri-whatever and LeAnn "home-wrecker" Rhimes. Who did you feel sorry for? The new happy couple or the people left in the wake and divorce proceedings?
At some point- I will stop biting my tongue to the point of "I'm not minding the taste of blood, actually" and say something. But what? What do I do? Follow my visceral reaction or smile, nod, and pretend I know nothing. And before someone asks- no, I do not in fact know the spouse involved in the situation.
What I DON'T need- Is for someone to tell me I look like shit. I know I do. I got 3 hours of sleep last night (technically this morning- bed at 01:30, took half an hour to fall asleep, alarm at 05:00).
What I DON'T need- is for someone to tell me to smile! It could be worse. Really?
What I DON'T need- is for someone to tell me to go get some sleep- you'll feel better. I'm too tired to sleep, actually. And the fact that I drank half a pot of coffee upon getting up, then a Monster and a half to get through my work run this morning... Thanks, but no- I'll pass.
What I DO need- is to spend quality time with my husband. He got home yesterday evening. We quickly ate dinner. Then he, Mouse, and I proceeded to spend the entire night- 19:30 till 01:30- desperately trying to complete the impossible task dealt him by... BLANK BLANK BLANK, then BLANK BLANK BLANK blank blank blank blank!!!! I'm sorry ya'll but what I would say, if I said it- would most likely offended even the darkest of hearts and minds. That isn't quality time after being apart since Sunday night. That was cursing and swearing and adding numbers and working on spread sheets. Tragically- today he is in meetings where no doubt he and the others are getting blamed for things that aren't their fault at all but it makes someone else feel better by making them scapegoats. So tonight- he'll be in a sour mood- as will I, I'm sure of it. Tomorrow he goes to work for a 24 hour shift. Saturday, if he comes home at all since it is his on call weekend, he'll most likely be tired. But I'm honestly not planning on him coming home.
I'm not complaining- shit I wouldn't dare! Should I protest and complain I might get chastised for it. Made a martyr for the cause! It would be cast about FB that I complain too much! I am simply stating facts as facts in my life and lack of seeing my Hubby in the last week or so.
What I DO need- is to finally figure out what I'm going to say and how I'm going to deal with the reactions to my serious distaste in a situation with "a person I know" and someone I once considered a good friend- someone fun to hang out with when I got the chance. A little explanation, I feel, is in order. I have an instant, visceral reaction to the word and concept of adultery. What was casually spoken of as rumor has suddenly turned to all out fact. And I am having a reaction to the idea. Almost an allergic reaction- I get fidgety and avoid eye contact when I cross paths with one of the parties involved. Whether or not a spouse was the first to cheat, cheating back as a means of "getting even" or "having you're fun too" doesn't make it okay. Not one tiny F*in bit!!! Adultery is the most painful thing you could do to someone you once loved. To bury that knife in their chest and watch them bleed out right before you're eyes... Or even worse yet- making a sneak attack and burying that knife in their back when they aren't looking... Need I say more?
It happened to me. Thank god he did it to my face- admitted it at least, and let me watch as he plunged the poisoned blade between my ribs and twisted it to the hilt. Finality of the evil deed was only confirmed and we got a divorce. I have the scars to prove it. Then the sick feeling of knowing my gut instincts were right years before and I stayed with him, hoping I was wrong only made the bleeding out worse. So pardon me if my feelings about the idea of sleeping around on your spouse sickens me a tad.
Is it my life I'm speaking of, hell no! Is it someone else's life I am speaking of? Yes, certainly. And I know it is THEIR lives and not for me to condemn or justify. What my problem is- do I remain friends with the one I cared about? Now knowing that what I thought was casual, funny times "flirting" was actually intended from his direction- knowing what I know now? Or do I severe the friendship, since I hate and am sickened by the idea of infidelity? And if I don't, how do we go back to being friends, since I will certainly bear resentment of what he is doing? WTF do I do now?
And honestly, now that talk about the situation is out there to be heard (not by me, mind you all. It was in the open long before this blog)- the whispers and rumor mill chatter that the "couple" feels like that are being chastised for what's going on. I'm sorry, but how exactly do you think it was going to play out? "Oooohhhh.... Let's feel sorry for the home wrecker? Oh goodness, that's so sad... Aren't they a cute couple though?" Puuhhh-llleeeaassee! Don't you watch reality TV? The cheaters always get the raw end of the deal and the world pities the spouses/children. Then the tabloids have a field day splashing the photos of the infidelity in supermarket check-out lanes everywhere! Hello- case in point, Eddie Ci-bri-whatever and LeAnn "home-wrecker" Rhimes. Who did you feel sorry for? The new happy couple or the people left in the wake and divorce proceedings?
At some point- I will stop biting my tongue to the point of "I'm not minding the taste of blood, actually" and say something. But what? What do I do? Follow my visceral reaction or smile, nod, and pretend I know nothing. And before someone asks- no, I do not in fact know the spouse involved in the situation.
I was never a fan of revenge of matters of the heart and interpersonel issues.
Thanks for the recipe, I look forward to trying it out, it sounds yummy. :p