Monday, June 6, 2011: Flower Sex and Otter Pops...
That was my Friday evening. Taking my classic pictures of the insides of bearded iris', my adpoted father (best friend's father) deemed it plant sex. I was "looking right up their dresses at the girly parts..." he claimed. I thought it was hilarious. So did Hubby. After the photo snapping, we went inside to hide from the heat and each had an Otter Pop. Those cool syrup filled plastic sleeves that takes an act of god and Congress to open but it's worth the effort in the long run... Tasty.
Saturday- the weather reminded me a lot of back in NC. Humid and sticky from the moment your feet hit the floor, you never fully dry off after taking a shower, the sun almost hurt when it hit your skin hot. Part of me loved it- the part that misses the south so very badly. The Michigan part of me was screaming in pain and humidity dreading anguish... Hubby had to work a demo at the classic car show in the heat, while I ventured out in to the world in the non-air conditioned Liberty to Mouse's college graduation. Me and about 3000 other people that is, I soon realized once I got to the church. I do not do the crowd thing- and I was bordering on climbing the walls the more and more people filed into the sanctuary we were seated in. The graduation went a lot quicker then we all thought it would, and the guest speaker, while I'm not a person fan of hers, was great.
Post graduation, we all went to the Grand Rapids Brewery for lunch. No- I am not changing the name, and for those of you that read this regularly- that isn't a good thing. The waitress- not so great. Her attitude spoke to the effect of- I'd rather be sauced and looking for someone to sleep with rather then serve you people. I picked the most economic meal on the menu- or so I thought. A build it yourself sammich to which you could have either fries or chips, with your selection of two toppings. No added price mentioned. And I also got one of their in house brewed hard cider beers- now that was tasty. The sammich- was okay, but nothing to write home about. Then came the bill...Holy shit and WTF in big 'ol bold type.
My sammich started at $7.99. The mushrooms and the olives I added were $2.50 A PIECE!!! My fries- another $2.50. The hunk of lemon in my ice water seventy-five cents. And my delicious hard cider, while not being a full liter bottle, was $9.00!!! HOLY SHIT! SERIOUSLY??? My tab for the meal? $20.00 and change. She didn't get a tip from me, I'll be honest. She didn't deserve it and the food wasn't worth the effort for the price. Me? Not happy. So I was pissed after my costly not so hot meal, then had to drive home in ninety-two degree weather, in a vehicle with no air conditioning. Anyone wanna hazard a guess as to my mood when I got home Saturday afternoon??? But, I did deeply enjoy the company during the meal and am very, very proud of Mouse and her new Associates degree.
This morning... Oh boy... This morning, not only is it Monday, but was the day for my annual "health assessment" with the HMO. Oh dammit. I was grumpy from the get go since I'd been under mandatory fasting since 8pm last night. My appointment was at seven AM, they didn't open the doors till 7:05 then looked at me like "Why are you late?". Oh this is going to be swell... I think to myself. First and foremost- I was told to go pee in a cup. Liquid from turnip? I managed a meager piddle, getting most on my hand (Hello! You can't aim that really well can you? Much less try to aim blindly? My mouthwash cup is bigger then this Dixie cup you gave me!) Then came the weigh in. I am happy to announce I am am under 215. Actually I'm at 211. WAHOO! I almost jumped for joy- the stuffy nurse wearing non-respectable salmon colored scrubs- Hhrumphed... Bitch. Let me have my moment.
Then the eye test... "Can you read this line???"
I squinted and grumbled- "That would be a no, ma'am."
"Well, fine. Can your read THIS line?" She asked, pointing to the massive printed, three letter line...
"Yes, my four year old nephew could too..."
We continued like this until we got back down to the garbled line again, "Well, I guess that'll do, you have 25/25 vision..." she snarked as we went into the exam room.
She did the blood pressure test, 127 over I have no idea, she mumbled under her breath. Okay, well at least the top number is lower then it usually is. Then the questions, do you drink? Once and a while... Do you smoke? Same answer... Are you planning on quitting, you know it's bad for you... I will quit when I want to... That really isn't a sufficient answer... That's all your getting, move along, sweetie. Then she takes a moment, " You seem to be in an agitated mood this morning." I clear my throat, collect my thoughts, and force back the urge to make this huffy bitch eat her stethoscope- "I haven't eaten since last night. I haven't had any caffeine yet this morning, and it's a Monday to boot. Deal with it." She waves to the examine table, "Change into that and the doctor will be in soon."
Goody, goody! It's the customary napkins have more thickness, two piece dress! I can hardly contain my enthusiasm. Twenty minutes and half an ink pen's worth of doodles later (I had to decorate it, didn't I?)... The doctor comes in. I like this doc, she's pretty cool. The girl exam goes as well can be expected. She leaves after telling me to get dressed and someone will be in to do the blood draw. Hmmm, let's see- is there anything else they can possibly take? Urine, check. Dignity, check. Blood- gonna be a check. What? No poop? I've been eating lots of broccholi lately!!! I change back into my clothes and wait, and wait, and wait. Oh look- it's salmon colored scrubs bitch again!
She ties the plastic tourniquet around my left arm super tight. I pump my fist. You can see not one or two, but three large veins bulging and blue just waiting for the stick. Hell- the Hubble telescope could see the suckers if they zoomed in a little... Needle stick one- miss. Needle stick two- miss and she goes fishing. "Get that thing out of my arm, right the hell now," I snarl through clenched teeth. Hhrumphe- "We'll try the other arm, shall we?" On goes the tourniquet, tighter this time. I pump my fist. Two veins this time pop up and wink at her. She flicks one for added effect (Oh, like that didn't hurt?!). First needle stick- miss. Second needle stick- miss and a fishing trip. "Stop! Just stop! I know a paramedic that works not two blocks from here, let me call him. This fishing for the vein not only hurts like hell, but is really pissing me off, woman..." She shook her head and tears her gloves off. "I'll just find someone that can do this then..." and leaves the room.
My inner elbows are throbbing at this point. Pin pricks of blood trickling from my non lethal stab wounds. This is just not cool at all. I hate getting my blood drawn. I have no problem with the blood thing- The pain thing- whole 'nother story! Second nurse comes in. She is polite, smiles, and takes her time. Tourniquet on right arm, pump fist, bulging veins are obvious... First needle stick- miss. She switches and goes for the left arm."Ma'am, I hate to tell you this, but if you miss this time... I'm done. I'm leaving, and you won't get any blood. Non-negotiable. I'm going to be bruised enough as it is with the other chick fishing for the veins... I'm sorry, but you got one last shot..." She smiles, "I totally understand." We go through everything again, and this time she nails it! "Sixth time's a charm," I muttered, trying to not focus on the searing pain of blood being sucked from my arm by the vacuum tube. She takes three tubes of crimson from my arm, applies cotton ball and tape and sends me on my way.
And now I'm home. Errands done, just waiting on a return trip for work. My inner elbows are still burning a little with good healthy bruises turning my skin bluish-purple. I should get the blood work results back in a week and I will post them here, provided they are as awesome as Hubby's were.
That was my Friday evening. Taking my classic pictures of the insides of bearded iris', my adpoted father (best friend's father) deemed it plant sex. I was "looking right up their dresses at the girly parts..." he claimed. I thought it was hilarious. So did Hubby. After the photo snapping, we went inside to hide from the heat and each had an Otter Pop. Those cool syrup filled plastic sleeves that takes an act of god and Congress to open but it's worth the effort in the long run... Tasty.
Saturday- the weather reminded me a lot of back in NC. Humid and sticky from the moment your feet hit the floor, you never fully dry off after taking a shower, the sun almost hurt when it hit your skin hot. Part of me loved it- the part that misses the south so very badly. The Michigan part of me was screaming in pain and humidity dreading anguish... Hubby had to work a demo at the classic car show in the heat, while I ventured out in to the world in the non-air conditioned Liberty to Mouse's college graduation. Me and about 3000 other people that is, I soon realized once I got to the church. I do not do the crowd thing- and I was bordering on climbing the walls the more and more people filed into the sanctuary we were seated in. The graduation went a lot quicker then we all thought it would, and the guest speaker, while I'm not a person fan of hers, was great.
Post graduation, we all went to the Grand Rapids Brewery for lunch. No- I am not changing the name, and for those of you that read this regularly- that isn't a good thing. The waitress- not so great. Her attitude spoke to the effect of- I'd rather be sauced and looking for someone to sleep with rather then serve you people. I picked the most economic meal on the menu- or so I thought. A build it yourself sammich to which you could have either fries or chips, with your selection of two toppings. No added price mentioned. And I also got one of their in house brewed hard cider beers- now that was tasty. The sammich- was okay, but nothing to write home about. Then came the bill...Holy shit and WTF in big 'ol bold type.
My sammich started at $7.99. The mushrooms and the olives I added were $2.50 A PIECE!!! My fries- another $2.50. The hunk of lemon in my ice water seventy-five cents. And my delicious hard cider, while not being a full liter bottle, was $9.00!!! HOLY SHIT! SERIOUSLY??? My tab for the meal? $20.00 and change. She didn't get a tip from me, I'll be honest. She didn't deserve it and the food wasn't worth the effort for the price. Me? Not happy. So I was pissed after my costly not so hot meal, then had to drive home in ninety-two degree weather, in a vehicle with no air conditioning. Anyone wanna hazard a guess as to my mood when I got home Saturday afternoon??? But, I did deeply enjoy the company during the meal and am very, very proud of Mouse and her new Associates degree.
This morning... Oh boy... This morning, not only is it Monday, but was the day for my annual "health assessment" with the HMO. Oh dammit. I was grumpy from the get go since I'd been under mandatory fasting since 8pm last night. My appointment was at seven AM, they didn't open the doors till 7:05 then looked at me like "Why are you late?". Oh this is going to be swell... I think to myself. First and foremost- I was told to go pee in a cup. Liquid from turnip? I managed a meager piddle, getting most on my hand (Hello! You can't aim that really well can you? Much less try to aim blindly? My mouthwash cup is bigger then this Dixie cup you gave me!) Then came the weigh in. I am happy to announce I am am under 215. Actually I'm at 211. WAHOO! I almost jumped for joy- the stuffy nurse wearing non-respectable salmon colored scrubs- Hhrumphed... Bitch. Let me have my moment.
Then the eye test... "Can you read this line???"
I squinted and grumbled- "That would be a no, ma'am."
"Well, fine. Can your read THIS line?" She asked, pointing to the massive printed, three letter line...
"Yes, my four year old nephew could too..."
We continued like this until we got back down to the garbled line again, "Well, I guess that'll do, you have 25/25 vision..." she snarked as we went into the exam room.
She did the blood pressure test, 127 over I have no idea, she mumbled under her breath. Okay, well at least the top number is lower then it usually is. Then the questions, do you drink? Once and a while... Do you smoke? Same answer... Are you planning on quitting, you know it's bad for you... I will quit when I want to... That really isn't a sufficient answer... That's all your getting, move along, sweetie. Then she takes a moment, " You seem to be in an agitated mood this morning." I clear my throat, collect my thoughts, and force back the urge to make this huffy bitch eat her stethoscope- "I haven't eaten since last night. I haven't had any caffeine yet this morning, and it's a Monday to boot. Deal with it." She waves to the examine table, "Change into that and the doctor will be in soon."
Goody, goody! It's the customary napkins have more thickness, two piece dress! I can hardly contain my enthusiasm. Twenty minutes and half an ink pen's worth of doodles later (I had to decorate it, didn't I?)... The doctor comes in. I like this doc, she's pretty cool. The girl exam goes as well can be expected. She leaves after telling me to get dressed and someone will be in to do the blood draw. Hmmm, let's see- is there anything else they can possibly take? Urine, check. Dignity, check. Blood- gonna be a check. What? No poop? I've been eating lots of broccholi lately!!! I change back into my clothes and wait, and wait, and wait. Oh look- it's salmon colored scrubs bitch again!
She ties the plastic tourniquet around my left arm super tight. I pump my fist. You can see not one or two, but three large veins bulging and blue just waiting for the stick. Hell- the Hubble telescope could see the suckers if they zoomed in a little... Needle stick one- miss. Needle stick two- miss and she goes fishing. "Get that thing out of my arm, right the hell now," I snarl through clenched teeth. Hhrumphe- "We'll try the other arm, shall we?" On goes the tourniquet, tighter this time. I pump my fist. Two veins this time pop up and wink at her. She flicks one for added effect (Oh, like that didn't hurt?!). First needle stick- miss. Second needle stick- miss and a fishing trip. "Stop! Just stop! I know a paramedic that works not two blocks from here, let me call him. This fishing for the vein not only hurts like hell, but is really pissing me off, woman..." She shook her head and tears her gloves off. "I'll just find someone that can do this then..." and leaves the room.
My inner elbows are throbbing at this point. Pin pricks of blood trickling from my non lethal stab wounds. This is just not cool at all. I hate getting my blood drawn. I have no problem with the blood thing- The pain thing- whole 'nother story! Second nurse comes in. She is polite, smiles, and takes her time. Tourniquet on right arm, pump fist, bulging veins are obvious... First needle stick- miss. She switches and goes for the left arm."Ma'am, I hate to tell you this, but if you miss this time... I'm done. I'm leaving, and you won't get any blood. Non-negotiable. I'm going to be bruised enough as it is with the other chick fishing for the veins... I'm sorry, but you got one last shot..." She smiles, "I totally understand." We go through everything again, and this time she nails it! "Sixth time's a charm," I muttered, trying to not focus on the searing pain of blood being sucked from my arm by the vacuum tube. She takes three tubes of crimson from my arm, applies cotton ball and tape and sends me on my way.
And now I'm home. Errands done, just waiting on a return trip for work. My inner elbows are still burning a little with good healthy bruises turning my skin bluish-purple. I should get the blood work results back in a week and I will post them here, provided they are as awesome as Hubby's were.