Saturday, May 28, 2011
Grieving for No Reason...
It has been an emotional week for me... For some reason, my monthly wonder is kicking my butt every time I turn around. My hormones and emotions are so far out of line I can't hardly stand to be by myself. Unfortunately, I am since my Hubby is at work. Again. His second 24 hour shift of the week is today.
To back track a bit- Thursday I got my new camera. I was over joyed! I went to Best Buy, bought a memory card for it and a new camera bag and couldn't wait to play with it! So I went home, all bouncy and happy, and giddy as hell to find something tragic in the bedroom. Our Doggie-Pup, who even at first glance, didn't seem right. She stumbled and fought to stand up, her head and tongue lolling to the side, her face drooping on one side and her eyes unable to focus on me. They were ticking to the right and she had to forcefully focus on me, only to have them roll back tot he right.
In a panic, I called my mom sobbing, then my Hubby. I managed to get her outside and walking around, only to see how bad her face was drooping and the copious amounts of drool hanging from the loose lip. I started clicking away pictures of her with my new camera, sobbing all the while and terrified I was watching her have a stroke. My mom said it sounded like a pinched nerve, not a stroke and got her an appointment at the puppy chiropractor. We raced into town, my noticing that after a dose of aspirin her eyes had slowed their eerie ticking and she seemed to be doing better. The doc, felt along her back and found that her C-3 vertebrae was almost completely out and no doubt pinching a bundle of nerves controlling her face. Once he put it back in, she seemed way better then before.
We brought her home and I again took her for a walk around the yard, clicking more pictures of her for memories. I couldn't stop crying. I cried all night long, cried myself to sleep, clutching her fuzzy little body and praying to anyone that would listen about how much I loved her and needed her in my life, and I'm not a person that needs anything. Friday- while she was looking much better- I was still an emotional wreck. Crying at the drop of a hat and every time I looked at her peacefully sleeping on the bed. I was scared to let her out of my sight and constantly checked on her four times and hour, looking for breathing and signs of life. Last night, Hubby got home and the emotions seemed to ease, but only for a small time.
Again, last night while watching T.V. with Hubby I couldn't stop crying. Every time Doggie-pup snored from her pace on the floor at our feet, another wave of uncontrollable sobbing hit me. Hubby was worried about me and wanted me to call Globug to see if she could spend the day with me since he had to work today. She couldn't but we stayed on the phone and had a good talk. Leave it to someone that's had years of therapy to shrink my head. What we came to find out is that this mini stroke Doggie-pup has had, made me realize she won't live forever. She's a 15 year old dog. She's old and time may be running out- whether the clock is slow or fast, she's not going to be with us forever.
I met Doggie-Pup when I met Hubby. And while we've only had her three years in our home, she's connected to him, and somewhere deep in my body, I'm afraid when her clock runs out, so will Hubby and mines. That won't happen and it's an irrational fear, but fear nonetheless. Globug also said I'm grieving for the loss of her in our lives even though shes still here. And that made sense. I'm afraid I'll wake up next to a cold dog. O r worse still, Hubby won't be home and something catastrophic will happen with her and I'll be all alone to deal with it. That would explain the crying, and tearful kisses I leave on her nose. I love that little dog so damn much it's killing me to think she's not going to be here forever.
Today she's three times better. She's happy and bouncy. She ate her breakfast in record time and the facial drooping is on the decrease. However, she is acting like she's lost sight in one eye. That's something we can accommodate easily. Our Dalmatian Dottie was a diabetic blind in one eye dog that we had for two years. She was harder to deal with. Doggie-pup, while being blind in one eye, will be easy to care for. We love her so much and it is incredible to realize how much an animal has effected you until they get sick and it hits you like a tons of bricks...
Grieving for No Reason...
It has been an emotional week for me... For some reason, my monthly wonder is kicking my butt every time I turn around. My hormones and emotions are so far out of line I can't hardly stand to be by myself. Unfortunately, I am since my Hubby is at work. Again. His second 24 hour shift of the week is today.
To back track a bit- Thursday I got my new camera. I was over joyed! I went to Best Buy, bought a memory card for it and a new camera bag and couldn't wait to play with it! So I went home, all bouncy and happy, and giddy as hell to find something tragic in the bedroom. Our Doggie-Pup, who even at first glance, didn't seem right. She stumbled and fought to stand up, her head and tongue lolling to the side, her face drooping on one side and her eyes unable to focus on me. They were ticking to the right and she had to forcefully focus on me, only to have them roll back tot he right.
In a panic, I called my mom sobbing, then my Hubby. I managed to get her outside and walking around, only to see how bad her face was drooping and the copious amounts of drool hanging from the loose lip. I started clicking away pictures of her with my new camera, sobbing all the while and terrified I was watching her have a stroke. My mom said it sounded like a pinched nerve, not a stroke and got her an appointment at the puppy chiropractor. We raced into town, my noticing that after a dose of aspirin her eyes had slowed their eerie ticking and she seemed to be doing better. The doc, felt along her back and found that her C-3 vertebrae was almost completely out and no doubt pinching a bundle of nerves controlling her face. Once he put it back in, she seemed way better then before.
We brought her home and I again took her for a walk around the yard, clicking more pictures of her for memories. I couldn't stop crying. I cried all night long, cried myself to sleep, clutching her fuzzy little body and praying to anyone that would listen about how much I loved her and needed her in my life, and I'm not a person that needs anything. Friday- while she was looking much better- I was still an emotional wreck. Crying at the drop of a hat and every time I looked at her peacefully sleeping on the bed. I was scared to let her out of my sight and constantly checked on her four times and hour, looking for breathing and signs of life. Last night, Hubby got home and the emotions seemed to ease, but only for a small time.
Again, last night while watching T.V. with Hubby I couldn't stop crying. Every time Doggie-pup snored from her pace on the floor at our feet, another wave of uncontrollable sobbing hit me. Hubby was worried about me and wanted me to call Globug to see if she could spend the day with me since he had to work today. She couldn't but we stayed on the phone and had a good talk. Leave it to someone that's had years of therapy to shrink my head. What we came to find out is that this mini stroke Doggie-pup has had, made me realize she won't live forever. She's a 15 year old dog. She's old and time may be running out- whether the clock is slow or fast, she's not going to be with us forever.
I met Doggie-Pup when I met Hubby. And while we've only had her three years in our home, she's connected to him, and somewhere deep in my body, I'm afraid when her clock runs out, so will Hubby and mines. That won't happen and it's an irrational fear, but fear nonetheless. Globug also said I'm grieving for the loss of her in our lives even though shes still here. And that made sense. I'm afraid I'll wake up next to a cold dog. O r worse still, Hubby won't be home and something catastrophic will happen with her and I'll be all alone to deal with it. That would explain the crying, and tearful kisses I leave on her nose. I love that little dog so damn much it's killing me to think she's not going to be here forever.
Today she's three times better. She's happy and bouncy. She ate her breakfast in record time and the facial drooping is on the decrease. However, she is acting like she's lost sight in one eye. That's something we can accommodate easily. Our Dalmatian Dottie was a diabetic blind in one eye dog that we had for two years. She was harder to deal with. Doggie-pup, while being blind in one eye, will be easy to care for. We love her so much and it is incredible to realize how much an animal has effected you until they get sick and it hits you like a tons of bricks...