Second friday in a row i didn't come home. I worked during the day and was tired. Fell asleep at the end of my shift and was running late. spoke to her earlier in the day because she needed help getting the computer to stream to the TV and she was cranky, wanted movie on for the kids.
Sent her a funny picture about vapor containment unit and mentioned mini golfing. never heard back from her until i texted her when i stopped at wawa on the way home for coffee, texted to her:
Tom :
TINY FONT!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at wawa getting a coffee, did you draw typeface print your tattoo stencil? Would you like to do it with a smencil?
wife:
I've done nothing. no tattoo, no class for tomorrow, no dinner. been waiting for someone that should have stopped working two hours ago to see that.
Tom :
I fell asleep
Hence the coffee
wife:
and to put me in a worse mood, grand.
I just couldn't be the reason things don't work anymore. its too much, I'm trying to help someone who is fighting to stay closed like a clam. she needs to tell the psychiatrist her new meds are making her shake and feel sick. i told her to call before it was the weekend.
Tom:
Who said they wanted a tattoo this weekend and who immediately thought of how to make it happen for them.
Who is tired also from working 50 hrs and going to early yoga classes and even one I didn't want to, just because you don't like teaching to 1 person.
Who does enough yoga during the week that they would sacrifice one of their most favorite classes to sit outside a tattoo parlor waiting on line for the other person because they know how much they want and earned at tattoo.
Let me rush on home for ya!
wife:
you go to yoga classes and work out when you don't want to and get to feel better afterwards. I gave up all of yesterday afternoon doing anything at all from going outside to led hoops, so you the tired guy could sleep on me leaving me with extra energy trapped under you. same for another day this week because you've been so tired and not feeling well day after day. you thought of how to get a tattoo, but you can't take credit for something that hasn't even happened yet and has a chance of not even precipitating. you forgot all about when we have to drop off kids in this equation. we all sat here, waiting on you for dinner or plans tonight because you a. couldn't make plans ahead of time with us since you don't b. talk, plan, or communicate while your at work and this time we did it because you were c. asleep, again bringing the family and all around you to a standstill. sorry if all of this, plus my own stuff, doesn't just scream excitement, love, joy, and pleasure on my part.
Tom:
I told you, come to eccentric tattoo after you teach and I drop off kids. So the only reason it won't precipitate is because you don't like being left alone on line for weirdos to talk to you.
I said mini golf earlier
wife:
I thought you were asking if I was going abd that was also before you slept abd aren't going to show up until 7
Tom :
If your moods and happiness and ability to enjoy vacation and life are based on how I screw things up or you waiting on me to do stuff, I can't goto India with you.
Something needs to change
The quality and happiness of my life seems to be dependent on your happiness.
wife:
no. but a Friday summer afternoon when you're supposed to be coming home to start our weekend because we haven't had a successful week of doing things fun or right... that depends in waiting on you. and you slept.
Tom:
So did you, or you tried or watched tv.
Wife:
how about fuck this, you can do just what you did last Friday.
Tom:
How's your body feeling, ignoring it won't make it better
wife:
this is dumb stuff. friday is the only day we both have off. it's supposed to be a day if doing something that is good for us, of enjoying. not a working all day, not a running errands day... our weekend day. instead it's another wasted summer weekend day and night. as much as I try to get better- this is what pulls me down, what makes me snap, what makes me just want to bail on it all... again and again, the waste.
Tom:
it takes a lot to be the one who "doesnt make things happen". it takes a lot to "always give liam an excuse" when question what is actually happening. it takes a lot to make money to support our family and lifestyle then spend a good amount of time "accompanying you to your job". Yes, I do enjoy classes, and there are times where I want to take many classes in one week. right now i am tired, physically and mentally. the way your body feels all the time, I feel like I am not allowed to be human, to not be tired, to not feel well. this week i cant do it. yesterday I just wanted to lay with you and for you to take care of me for the last half hour before work. I know you had to goto The Lanes later but you couldn't put your phone down and let some of the stuff besides the roster wait until i left? you didn't pay attention to me until i had to leave. I dont ask for you to take care of me often, its usually the other way around. I am expected to make Acro happen, to make you enjoy vacation, to make conversations, to blow sunshine out my ass and vomit flowers everywhere.... I got LED hoop stuff, but am too tired to figure out the next step. too tired to funciton and shop at home depot for parts. You have social anxiety, i like being alone, being able to think and act on my thoughts, not having to think and act for others or react to others. I go to work, I goto yoga... you goto derby, yo goto the lanes, you go places with Nikki, and you teach maybe 9 classes so 20hrs a week.
wife:
well, my puke pot and I say goodnight then.
all I ever wanted was love.
so of course I'm worthless. my life is easy, do yoga, drink coffee, get taken around by you. no problem, I'm just a lazy stupid bitch that does appreciate.
Tom :
you said that not me....
i didnt uimply it either...
i am just fucking tired...you do a lot for what you can handle.
Wife:
right. my 20 hours a week is so worthless that's why you can easily have the house look like it does all the time when I'm sick right? on too of your job mine is so small you should be able to do that, right?
right, tired like I wasn't yesterday but I let you sleep on me for over two hours abd excuses me? I Didbt pay attention? I guess I Didbt touch you either, right? not at all.
nope, don't backtrack. it's all on you, right buddy? all the conversations, right? too bad I've been the one having one sided ones for years. too bad I have books of cards, dates, letters that are all from me and not you after a while... that's when all this one sides business started and now since I want you to put your half in, your part, your ebergy abd effort you're ok tired abd the whole relationship is on you. I call bullshit.
and stop projecting your disability to be happy unless the other is in me. I don't depend my happiness on you. or the happiness of my vacations... god forbid I'd ask that you, as husband and father, plan something to do with wife abd family so we can have memories. how is that so out if line?
how is asking someone to plan a fun vacation putting the happiness on them? everything centers on me.... who goes where, when, how, with what, all the timing, all the planning, all the get up and go.... and when I reach for help I get this guilt ridden projection of your own ego that is meant to only cut me down and relieve you of feeling overwhelmed.
I'm not having this conversation anymore. look at yourself. you're hiding behind being tired, playing your running away games, checking out because you aren't willing to put your big boy panties on and talk things out or look at yourself deeply. this is your cycle of garbage and I'm not being part of it this time.
just know I'm disappointed in this lame behavior and in you as part of us, of the us we are supposed to be building and working on.
so, goodnight. I love you.
Tom :
good night, I love you
Sent her a funny picture about vapor containment unit and mentioned mini golfing. never heard back from her until i texted her when i stopped at wawa on the way home for coffee, texted to her:
Tom :
TINY FONT!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at wawa getting a coffee, did you draw typeface print your tattoo stencil? Would you like to do it with a smencil?
wife:
I've done nothing. no tattoo, no class for tomorrow, no dinner. been waiting for someone that should have stopped working two hours ago to see that.
Tom :
I fell asleep
Hence the coffee
wife:
and to put me in a worse mood, grand.
I just couldn't be the reason things don't work anymore. its too much, I'm trying to help someone who is fighting to stay closed like a clam. she needs to tell the psychiatrist her new meds are making her shake and feel sick. i told her to call before it was the weekend.
Tom:
Who said they wanted a tattoo this weekend and who immediately thought of how to make it happen for them.
Who is tired also from working 50 hrs and going to early yoga classes and even one I didn't want to, just because you don't like teaching to 1 person.
Who does enough yoga during the week that they would sacrifice one of their most favorite classes to sit outside a tattoo parlor waiting on line for the other person because they know how much they want and earned at tattoo.
Let me rush on home for ya!
wife:
you go to yoga classes and work out when you don't want to and get to feel better afterwards. I gave up all of yesterday afternoon doing anything at all from going outside to led hoops, so you the tired guy could sleep on me leaving me with extra energy trapped under you. same for another day this week because you've been so tired and not feeling well day after day. you thought of how to get a tattoo, but you can't take credit for something that hasn't even happened yet and has a chance of not even precipitating. you forgot all about when we have to drop off kids in this equation. we all sat here, waiting on you for dinner or plans tonight because you a. couldn't make plans ahead of time with us since you don't b. talk, plan, or communicate while your at work and this time we did it because you were c. asleep, again bringing the family and all around you to a standstill. sorry if all of this, plus my own stuff, doesn't just scream excitement, love, joy, and pleasure on my part.
Tom:
I told you, come to eccentric tattoo after you teach and I drop off kids. So the only reason it won't precipitate is because you don't like being left alone on line for weirdos to talk to you.
I said mini golf earlier
wife:
I thought you were asking if I was going abd that was also before you slept abd aren't going to show up until 7
Tom :
If your moods and happiness and ability to enjoy vacation and life are based on how I screw things up or you waiting on me to do stuff, I can't goto India with you.
Something needs to change
The quality and happiness of my life seems to be dependent on your happiness.
wife:
no. but a Friday summer afternoon when you're supposed to be coming home to start our weekend because we haven't had a successful week of doing things fun or right... that depends in waiting on you. and you slept.
Tom:
So did you, or you tried or watched tv.
Wife:
how about fuck this, you can do just what you did last Friday.
Tom:
How's your body feeling, ignoring it won't make it better
wife:
this is dumb stuff. friday is the only day we both have off. it's supposed to be a day if doing something that is good for us, of enjoying. not a working all day, not a running errands day... our weekend day. instead it's another wasted summer weekend day and night. as much as I try to get better- this is what pulls me down, what makes me snap, what makes me just want to bail on it all... again and again, the waste.
Tom:
it takes a lot to be the one who "doesnt make things happen". it takes a lot to "always give liam an excuse" when question what is actually happening. it takes a lot to make money to support our family and lifestyle then spend a good amount of time "accompanying you to your job". Yes, I do enjoy classes, and there are times where I want to take many classes in one week. right now i am tired, physically and mentally. the way your body feels all the time, I feel like I am not allowed to be human, to not be tired, to not feel well. this week i cant do it. yesterday I just wanted to lay with you and for you to take care of me for the last half hour before work. I know you had to goto The Lanes later but you couldn't put your phone down and let some of the stuff besides the roster wait until i left? you didn't pay attention to me until i had to leave. I dont ask for you to take care of me often, its usually the other way around. I am expected to make Acro happen, to make you enjoy vacation, to make conversations, to blow sunshine out my ass and vomit flowers everywhere.... I got LED hoop stuff, but am too tired to figure out the next step. too tired to funciton and shop at home depot for parts. You have social anxiety, i like being alone, being able to think and act on my thoughts, not having to think and act for others or react to others. I go to work, I goto yoga... you goto derby, yo goto the lanes, you go places with Nikki, and you teach maybe 9 classes so 20hrs a week.
wife:
well, my puke pot and I say goodnight then.
all I ever wanted was love.
so of course I'm worthless. my life is easy, do yoga, drink coffee, get taken around by you. no problem, I'm just a lazy stupid bitch that does appreciate.
Tom :
you said that not me....
i didnt uimply it either...
i am just fucking tired...you do a lot for what you can handle.
Wife:
right. my 20 hours a week is so worthless that's why you can easily have the house look like it does all the time when I'm sick right? on too of your job mine is so small you should be able to do that, right?
right, tired like I wasn't yesterday but I let you sleep on me for over two hours abd excuses me? I Didbt pay attention? I guess I Didbt touch you either, right? not at all.
nope, don't backtrack. it's all on you, right buddy? all the conversations, right? too bad I've been the one having one sided ones for years. too bad I have books of cards, dates, letters that are all from me and not you after a while... that's when all this one sides business started and now since I want you to put your half in, your part, your ebergy abd effort you're ok tired abd the whole relationship is on you. I call bullshit.
and stop projecting your disability to be happy unless the other is in me. I don't depend my happiness on you. or the happiness of my vacations... god forbid I'd ask that you, as husband and father, plan something to do with wife abd family so we can have memories. how is that so out if line?
how is asking someone to plan a fun vacation putting the happiness on them? everything centers on me.... who goes where, when, how, with what, all the timing, all the planning, all the get up and go.... and when I reach for help I get this guilt ridden projection of your own ego that is meant to only cut me down and relieve you of feeling overwhelmed.
I'm not having this conversation anymore. look at yourself. you're hiding behind being tired, playing your running away games, checking out because you aren't willing to put your big boy panties on and talk things out or look at yourself deeply. this is your cycle of garbage and I'm not being part of it this time.
just know I'm disappointed in this lame behavior and in you as part of us, of the us we are supposed to be building and working on.
so, goodnight. I love you.
Tom :
good night, I love you
goriella:
Wow, that sounds painful. It's hard to be in ANY relationship for a long period of time. Both parties project on each other and when they get bored they start acting out to drive the other one away. Sometimes it's just a simple bump in the road, but other times it's just a snowball slide of shit. All I can say is best of luck and remember... it takes two people to either make or break any relationship. Let us know if you need any advice or ear to listen. 
