If i dont hear back from anyone by closing time tomorrow, im giving up and moving home.
ive thought about staying in new york through the end of march. it makes a little sense. my lease would end, it would give the job search more time to germinate, and i think i have the money. but im not sure that i want to crawl home at the end of march completely broke. its hard to believe two years ago i had six grand just sitting there in savings. what the fuck happened?
im so angry. ive worked my ass off the last four years, and the four years before that getting my degree, to avoid this particular fate. ive applied to environmental jobs that im perfectly qualified for and have heard nothing. jobs that ive dreamed about getting since i graduated. the fact that ive heard nothing makes me so incredibly, bone-deep angry. i dont understand why things wont work out. maybe i just havent given it enough time. it hasnt even been two weeks since the first application. but i dont have time, not anymore.
people keep telling me that going home isnt what i think it is. i think its defeat. i picture myself leaving new york with my tail between my legs, whimpering. im scared of moving home. its bible belt western coal country. im about as left as you can get, and im not sure i have much faith in god anymore. im scared of throwing away the next two years at a job i cant stand. my greatest fear isnt dying or being alone, its never getting the chance to do a job i care about, to make a difference. ive wasted three and half years doing that already. i dont want to waste any more.
fuck. fuck i hate this.
ive thought about staying in new york through the end of march. it makes a little sense. my lease would end, it would give the job search more time to germinate, and i think i have the money. but im not sure that i want to crawl home at the end of march completely broke. its hard to believe two years ago i had six grand just sitting there in savings. what the fuck happened?
im so angry. ive worked my ass off the last four years, and the four years before that getting my degree, to avoid this particular fate. ive applied to environmental jobs that im perfectly qualified for and have heard nothing. jobs that ive dreamed about getting since i graduated. the fact that ive heard nothing makes me so incredibly, bone-deep angry. i dont understand why things wont work out. maybe i just havent given it enough time. it hasnt even been two weeks since the first application. but i dont have time, not anymore.
people keep telling me that going home isnt what i think it is. i think its defeat. i picture myself leaving new york with my tail between my legs, whimpering. im scared of moving home. its bible belt western coal country. im about as left as you can get, and im not sure i have much faith in god anymore. im scared of throwing away the next two years at a job i cant stand. my greatest fear isnt dying or being alone, its never getting the chance to do a job i care about, to make a difference. ive wasted three and half years doing that already. i dont want to waste any more.
fuck. fuck i hate this.