injuredcyclist

ive had half a cigarette since february 29th. i didnt enjoy it, and i wont do it again.

this happened after i came back from the bar that we went to directly from the office. tired and overworked, i had made the mistake of asking out a girl i know. rather than a straight yes or no, i believe her exact words were, "do we have to talk about this now?" far worse than a no, i wasnt rejected so much as dismissed, brushed off. thats what pissed me off.

and in part its what lead me home to that half smoke. afterward, a behavioral backslide. decided it would be a good idea to punch my closet door a couple times. if i knew more about my phone, id upload the picture i took as visible proof of my stupidity. my hand swelled immediately and my first three knuckles are bruised, and there are a couple of cuts. nothing broken, at least i dont think, since the only pain is from the swelling. i can move it normally.

acutely lonely the last week. and my "social life" sucks. ive been in SF a while, and i still havent made a lot of friends. very little in common w/ the guys i met in law school, and our schedules are different. the guys at work are great, but the dynamic there is a little weird. i dont know how to do it. any ideas?

so you know what ill do instead? im going to head into work. the job is pretty much all i have, and it turns out im good at it. i was in a meeting with our vp, our director, and one of our senior guys that ive been working under, and said it felt like ive been running non-stop since i got there. our vp looked at me and said, "the greatest compliment is more responsibility." helped put things in perspective.

i hate daylight savings time. even more so now that its been shown it doesnt save any energy.