Not sure if I will actually post this after I've written it but just feel like I need to put my thoughts, feelings and acceptance down somewhere where I won't have friends/family/colleagues judging me. I don't know anybody on this platform and I'm fine with people who don't know me giving me positive/negative/impartial feedback.
I'm an alcoholic.
There's no other way to say it. I'm a 43 year old male who's been divorced for 1.5 years with no children and I use alcohol to try to ignore and forget my loneliness and boredom. It needs to stop.
Tonight I'm having some of my favourite beers and a cigar but this has to be my last night because I don't want this to be my life and one that ends early because of it.
I've cancelled my plans for the weekend with family (they're big drinkers and quite a few of them have alcohol problems and the majority of them are anti quit drinking as well) so I can concentrate on sobering up and do some self assessment.
I've got so many things I want to do with my life like travel and see the world (I really want to see Japan and go back and see America more after an amazing holiday in Orlando in 2017) but at the same time that scares me because I will be doing it by myself. It might also be a good time to point out I'm a introvert and don't feel comfortable meeting new people unless I've had a drink or two.
I also have started some new hobbies over the last few years such as wood carving and I bought myself a 3d printer with the aim of building my own fully automated R2-D2 (yes I'm massive star wars geek as well) but alcohol always takes priority in the evenings and during the weekends when I'm not in work.
The alcohol is stopping tonight and hopefully over the next few weeks and months (maybe years) I'll find the original me again. Tomorrow I'm going to take some photos of how I look now and do some regular update photos to see how I'm progressing and maybe the odd blog on how I'm feeling. I might share them on here depending on how I feel.
Hopefully this is a new chapter in my life that I can be proud of.
Tomorrow is always a fresh start.
