Okay I need to get some things off of my chest. This is probably going to be a long journal. I would love some advice from you people cause I'm sure there are a lot of you who has gone through the same stuff as me.
First I want to talk about my living life. I'm not a the person who wants to be dependent on someone but I am. I live with my ex boyfriend who is truely my best friend and someone I will always love. But because of our situation we decided that if our love for each other is true we will be with each other again. Plus still we decided to be apart but together we no longer fight. But we live with his parents. They are a spanish family who don't speak that great of english but they know how to spell english (make sense?). Now being with a family who's culture is complete different from mine is hard. I see the way his family interacts with others. And I wish that they would do the same with me. I feel as if I have to stay in my room the whole time because I feel as if I'm not in my room I do not existed in the house. I don't get talked to that often. I try to talk to them but it's almost impossible. I'm a person who needs attention. And Lauren can't give me all the attention I need. Now I got so sick from this house that I went into deep depression. My doctor gave me pills to keep my moods happy. But I feel as if I'm dead inside when I am here. Does this sound selfish or stupid? It is so hard for me to explain my feeling. The only way I feel as if I can explain myself is through my poetry. Well that's my living life. Now my family life.
My father: My dad is a caring guy, he is. But lately.. he has had a girlfriend I feel as if he has no time for me. His girlfriend gets mad at him for spending time with me and not her. I tell him to run but he doesn't. I need his attention and i can't get it.
My brother: He is sick metally. He has had a drug addiction for over a half of his life. Now that he is clean from drugs he has a bad alchol addiction. Now I'm so considered about his safety cause last night he told me that he tried to hurt himself. Now I can't do anything here. He lives over an hour away. I don't know what to do.
My Mother: Is a sick too. Mentally and physically. She has cancer in the brain but she doesn't want to get the help that she needs. The other day she told me that she made a new Will. Giving everything to my brother and I.
I don't know how I can be so strong in a horrible differcult time. There is so much more pain going on insided of me. I need help and advise. Please! Just don't pitty me that is something I do not need.
First I want to talk about my living life. I'm not a the person who wants to be dependent on someone but I am. I live with my ex boyfriend who is truely my best friend and someone I will always love. But because of our situation we decided that if our love for each other is true we will be with each other again. Plus still we decided to be apart but together we no longer fight. But we live with his parents. They are a spanish family who don't speak that great of english but they know how to spell english (make sense?). Now being with a family who's culture is complete different from mine is hard. I see the way his family interacts with others. And I wish that they would do the same with me. I feel as if I have to stay in my room the whole time because I feel as if I'm not in my room I do not existed in the house. I don't get talked to that often. I try to talk to them but it's almost impossible. I'm a person who needs attention. And Lauren can't give me all the attention I need. Now I got so sick from this house that I went into deep depression. My doctor gave me pills to keep my moods happy. But I feel as if I'm dead inside when I am here. Does this sound selfish or stupid? It is so hard for me to explain my feeling. The only way I feel as if I can explain myself is through my poetry. Well that's my living life. Now my family life.
My father: My dad is a caring guy, he is. But lately.. he has had a girlfriend I feel as if he has no time for me. His girlfriend gets mad at him for spending time with me and not her. I tell him to run but he doesn't. I need his attention and i can't get it.
My brother: He is sick metally. He has had a drug addiction for over a half of his life. Now that he is clean from drugs he has a bad alchol addiction. Now I'm so considered about his safety cause last night he told me that he tried to hurt himself. Now I can't do anything here. He lives over an hour away. I don't know what to do.
My Mother: Is a sick too. Mentally and physically. She has cancer in the brain but she doesn't want to get the help that she needs. The other day she told me that she made a new Will. Giving everything to my brother and I.
I don't know how I can be so strong in a horrible differcult time. There is so much more pain going on insided of me. I need help and advise. Please! Just don't pitty me that is something I do not need.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
caradoc:
Listen to a35mmlife and don't end up like me, cold and alone, listening to depressing music in a dark and empty house.
indie:
http://66.220.44.120/members/INDIE/19320/