AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I don't know how the hell I distributed myself amongst my friends when I was home before. From 7 in the morning to midnight, I am constantly distracted by something that someone needs or wants. 3 days out of the week I am a babysitter for 2 kids, I am the housewife at home, plus a full-time mother. School is so exciting for Sidra, but OMG PLEASE STOP HAVING PERFORMANCES AND PARENT NIGHTS EVERY MONTH. It cuts into my Wii Mario Kart time at Jef's house.
Still not dealing very well with all of last year's events. In fact, instead of making myself stronger, I've turned into a huge wimp. Boys hit on me and I'm terrified shitless about them touching me. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. I feel disgusting and degraded all the time. It's nothing about those people that do it to me, it's just the fear of running back into that place...
I'm scared of driving/walking at night. I always think the ex is hidden behind a store, or somehow got himself into my backseat. You know those moments when you're terrified and you just keep staring at your rearview mirror because you think a face is going to pop up? Yeah, it effects my driving.
I am scared everyday that something, anything can happen to either me or someone else that I love. I almost freaked out when Jef left for the airport to pick up one of our friends. I constantly have the fear that one day all my friends are going to be dead and I'll be stuck here by myself trying to truck it along and live... And then the next moment I'm scared that it will be me, not them.
I fear more things these days than I ever have before. The weird thing is that I am pretty sure I'm a lot more active than I have been in a long time. My life feels very... GoGoGo.... In fact, I have to go get ready for an appointment right now. Hmm.
Hope you guys all stay safe and have a good rest of the week.
I don't know how the hell I distributed myself amongst my friends when I was home before. From 7 in the morning to midnight, I am constantly distracted by something that someone needs or wants. 3 days out of the week I am a babysitter for 2 kids, I am the housewife at home, plus a full-time mother. School is so exciting for Sidra, but OMG PLEASE STOP HAVING PERFORMANCES AND PARENT NIGHTS EVERY MONTH. It cuts into my Wii Mario Kart time at Jef's house.
Still not dealing very well with all of last year's events. In fact, instead of making myself stronger, I've turned into a huge wimp. Boys hit on me and I'm terrified shitless about them touching me. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. I feel disgusting and degraded all the time. It's nothing about those people that do it to me, it's just the fear of running back into that place...
I'm scared of driving/walking at night. I always think the ex is hidden behind a store, or somehow got himself into my backseat. You know those moments when you're terrified and you just keep staring at your rearview mirror because you think a face is going to pop up? Yeah, it effects my driving.
I am scared everyday that something, anything can happen to either me or someone else that I love. I almost freaked out when Jef left for the airport to pick up one of our friends. I constantly have the fear that one day all my friends are going to be dead and I'll be stuck here by myself trying to truck it along and live... And then the next moment I'm scared that it will be me, not them.
I fear more things these days than I ever have before. The weird thing is that I am pretty sure I'm a lot more active than I have been in a long time. My life feels very... GoGoGo.... In fact, I have to go get ready for an appointment right now. Hmm.
Hope you guys all stay safe and have a good rest of the week.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
Hope all's well.
-TM
I'd love to move to WA, but I'd really miss my family.
My mom would probably kill me. Haha. She's kind of dependent on me.
You're so great. I fucking love you, you know that? I mean it. Truly.
I don't really know what happened with this girl. She deleted me from Myspace/Facebook. It's so weird. She was so perfect, ya know? Then she went all typical, crazy lesbo on me. She posted pics of her tit with some other girl's hand on it. I had to ask her, after actually commenting on the pic, if she would let me know if she was seeing anyone else. She said, "well I will now, so yes i am seeing someone." Who the fuck does that? Why would someone post a pic and not say, "hey, by the way, i kind of cheated on you." RUDE! I didn't actually love her, but she totally crushed my heart. And she made future plans for us, so I totally thought she wanted me around for a while. Does that mean she made plans with everyone she was dating? Seriously...who fucking does that?
I told my mom I was just going to go straight. She didn't think it was a good idea. HAHA.
Why do you have to live so far away? I mean, it's not like you're half way across the country....you're seriously the farthest state away. wtf? We need to win the lottery and meet up somewhere in the middle. Hell, if I won the lottery, I'd just come all the way out there. WA is so pretty, too. Hmm.
There is nothing on tv at 5:12 am. Well, there are a lot of infomercials, but that's it.
I love you. I hope you know that. Though I totally suck at calling you and keeping in touch, I swear you are always in my heart and I think about you everyday.
What size ring do you wear? I have to get you an engagement ring now. Haha.
I suppose I should go to bed. I love you, babycakes!