cold hands, warm heart.
loneliness was plentiful, and i found myself reading his old letters. all together, a cenotaph for what was so long ago. his words were full of adoration and hope..hinting that i had helped to erase a certain bitterness inside him.
it's been a couple years now, and i still wonder about my pinstripe muse. i had some of the most beautiful conversations with him that i've had with anyone, i miss them terribly. if i could have another night full of ambrosial 30 minute plus silences over hundreds of miles of wire again, i would give so much.
i don't know exactly what i did to make him disappear, but whatever it was, i was a damn fool.
have you ever had something taken from you, something that was just so incredibly beautiful that you cried and pleaded and your heart argued with you to no end, telling you that you just had to have it back? that it couldn't stand the pain of that deprivation. have you ever then, had to force yourself to forget about those wonderful somethings, to accept their newfound nonexistence because it was all you could do to keep from losing all sanity -- only to have something spring up spaces and spaces later and remind you that you had lost something truly resplendent? what a terrible, mourning feeling. can we say ton of bricks?
i went out with a friend tonight, and her car was broken into. my whole purse was gone...several hundred dollars, 300 dollar cellphone, paychecks, credit cards, all that jazz. ironic that it was the one time i decided not to carry my purse while we attended a concert, and assumed since there were plenty of cars about, it would be okay. reality was a cold hard bitch when i looked at the empty space in her car where my bag was.
and i was beside myself.
but for some reason, i started reading old letters that one of my most darling inspirations wrote to me some time ago, and wondering what happened and what went wrong seems to be the most important thing right now. more important than the money, the phone, the jewelry, all of it. i can't shake it, and it's driving me nuts. drives me even more crazy knowing that i'll never know and that i'll never get to hear his apple-cider voice again. there's nothing like having a friend - and there's nothing like losing one.
how many people in my life have robbed me of closure, i can't even count.
if you ever have to be so cruel as to break someone's heart, it's best to give a reason with your goodbye. it is after all, the least you can do.
loneliness was plentiful, and i found myself reading his old letters. all together, a cenotaph for what was so long ago. his words were full of adoration and hope..hinting that i had helped to erase a certain bitterness inside him.
it's been a couple years now, and i still wonder about my pinstripe muse. i had some of the most beautiful conversations with him that i've had with anyone, i miss them terribly. if i could have another night full of ambrosial 30 minute plus silences over hundreds of miles of wire again, i would give so much.
i don't know exactly what i did to make him disappear, but whatever it was, i was a damn fool.
have you ever had something taken from you, something that was just so incredibly beautiful that you cried and pleaded and your heart argued with you to no end, telling you that you just had to have it back? that it couldn't stand the pain of that deprivation. have you ever then, had to force yourself to forget about those wonderful somethings, to accept their newfound nonexistence because it was all you could do to keep from losing all sanity -- only to have something spring up spaces and spaces later and remind you that you had lost something truly resplendent? what a terrible, mourning feeling. can we say ton of bricks?
i went out with a friend tonight, and her car was broken into. my whole purse was gone...several hundred dollars, 300 dollar cellphone, paychecks, credit cards, all that jazz. ironic that it was the one time i decided not to carry my purse while we attended a concert, and assumed since there were plenty of cars about, it would be okay. reality was a cold hard bitch when i looked at the empty space in her car where my bag was.
and i was beside myself.
but for some reason, i started reading old letters that one of my most darling inspirations wrote to me some time ago, and wondering what happened and what went wrong seems to be the most important thing right now. more important than the money, the phone, the jewelry, all of it. i can't shake it, and it's driving me nuts. drives me even more crazy knowing that i'll never know and that i'll never get to hear his apple-cider voice again. there's nothing like having a friend - and there's nothing like losing one.
how many people in my life have robbed me of closure, i can't even count.
if you ever have to be so cruel as to break someone's heart, it's best to give a reason with your goodbye. it is after all, the least you can do.
Yes, I've been there too. Some that are gone from my life, and some that are gone from life.
I'm not sure why some people handle breakups by cutting all contact without an explanation and final closure. My best guess is that they are afraid of conflict and "causing a scene". Pretty lame as far as I'm concerned.
and some big snuggles