it's 4 am and i can't sleep. i never really can anymore.
stina came home tonight... i missed her a lot. but i feel more alone tonight than i have in a long time. i've been working so hard lately, and completely ignoring my state of mind in order to avoid feeling miserable. i don't feel, i let everything pass through me.... there are no positives or negatives, it's all released from me as dull, grey, and ultimately purposeless. such things can easily attributed to a grumpy mood or a bad day, but i have no bad days..................
i just have a bad mind.
i am a shitty, useless and miserable human being, and it was all my idea to be that way. i can't put the blame on anything else. ... I'M the reason i feel unwanted , I'M the reason i can't sleep, I'M the reason i don't eat... everything that has gone sour in my life was of my design. i ruined it. things were going great in my head until my head got in the way. now my girlfriend hates me, i have no friends, my talents have whittled down to nothing, i got fat and ugly, and ultimately i never have anything resembling a positive effect on any person unfortunate enough to come in contact with me.. i am everything i hate.
i don't know what happened.
stina came home tonight... i missed her a lot. but i feel more alone tonight than i have in a long time. i've been working so hard lately, and completely ignoring my state of mind in order to avoid feeling miserable. i don't feel, i let everything pass through me.... there are no positives or negatives, it's all released from me as dull, grey, and ultimately purposeless. such things can easily attributed to a grumpy mood or a bad day, but i have no bad days..................
i just have a bad mind.
i am a shitty, useless and miserable human being, and it was all my idea to be that way. i can't put the blame on anything else. ... I'M the reason i feel unwanted , I'M the reason i can't sleep, I'M the reason i don't eat... everything that has gone sour in my life was of my design. i ruined it. things were going great in my head until my head got in the way. now my girlfriend hates me, i have no friends, my talents have whittled down to nothing, i got fat and ugly, and ultimately i never have anything resembling a positive effect on any person unfortunate enough to come in contact with me.. i am everything i hate.
i don't know what happened.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
other people feel like this
i feel like this
i don't know if it gets any better
but a dear friend of mine
once told me
that it will be worth something someday
if we made it through the gloaming
this honesty alone is refreshing
i wish i saw someone lick an old human turd on the sidewalk. im not even kidding. at all.
whats the story with this weekend?
tell me.
lates,
a.