Im single again..... and you know what i miss more than anything? touch.
A hug, cuddleing, just a touch from another human being. Sleeping next to someone. When someone is in bed with me, even just that, clothed and all, it keeps the nightmares away. I have night terrors and nightmares about horrible things, and it seems to be the one thing that keeps them away. Im scared of them comming back.
I am just feeling very inadequate. I have my ex husband everything, including a son, Yet he would rather go to Germany, tell me not to come with him and get a girlfriend over there, who as soon as the divorce is over, he plans to marry. And now, the first time I date since then, I give this guy everything. I cater to him, cook, clean, laundry, I even took his boots off after work, not because he asked, just because i knew he was outside working all day and it would be something nice to do for him. But it was'nt enough. Hed rather go back to an ex.
No matter what I do, its never good enough. I manage to fail in everything I do. My ex is even trying to take my son away. He doesnt even know Dameon, hes spent 2 weeks with him since he was born. He could have moved us to be with him in germany, but no, hes rather forget his wife and child. What right does he think he has??? I know he has no reason to say im a bad mother, but I as still terrified of losing my son. Its horrible, but I daily wish my ex would die. Not because I hate him, but because I am so afraid of losing my son.
Ive been looking for a job for a month and still havent found anything that pays enough to cover gas and daycare. Im not even good enough to get a job. This fucking sucks.
I have no family, the only friend I really had just dumped me for his ex, lol. And all my other friends are in Iraq. I want to be happy, but its so hard right now.
Ive been alone most of my life....... maybe thats what Im supposed to be.
Im gonna go
now, my tummy hurts.
But there is 2 sopts of light in my life. My son Dameon, and a good friend, Sean, who is sadly, far away in Germany. But he means alot none-the-less.
A hug, cuddleing, just a touch from another human being. Sleeping next to someone. When someone is in bed with me, even just that, clothed and all, it keeps the nightmares away. I have night terrors and nightmares about horrible things, and it seems to be the one thing that keeps them away. Im scared of them comming back.
I am just feeling very inadequate. I have my ex husband everything, including a son, Yet he would rather go to Germany, tell me not to come with him and get a girlfriend over there, who as soon as the divorce is over, he plans to marry. And now, the first time I date since then, I give this guy everything. I cater to him, cook, clean, laundry, I even took his boots off after work, not because he asked, just because i knew he was outside working all day and it would be something nice to do for him. But it was'nt enough. Hed rather go back to an ex.
No matter what I do, its never good enough. I manage to fail in everything I do. My ex is even trying to take my son away. He doesnt even know Dameon, hes spent 2 weeks with him since he was born. He could have moved us to be with him in germany, but no, hes rather forget his wife and child. What right does he think he has??? I know he has no reason to say im a bad mother, but I as still terrified of losing my son. Its horrible, but I daily wish my ex would die. Not because I hate him, but because I am so afraid of losing my son.
Ive been looking for a job for a month and still havent found anything that pays enough to cover gas and daycare. Im not even good enough to get a job. This fucking sucks.
I have no family, the only friend I really had just dumped me for his ex, lol. And all my other friends are in Iraq. I want to be happy, but its so hard right now.
Ive been alone most of my life....... maybe thats what Im supposed to be.
Im gonna go
now, my tummy hurts.But there is 2 sopts of light in my life. My son Dameon, and a good friend, Sean, who is sadly, far away in Germany. But he means alot none-the-less.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
sckitzo:
=/ hope shit looks up hun
kytar1:
I've been doing pretty well, just hanging in there. It looks like you've been going through it, the crazy shit has dropped right in your lap. Maybe he cant handle a woman that has it togather and its going to take crap from anyone. I hear that alot, guys cant take it when a woman is independant.