Well 3 and a half months off from that number anyway.
The problem is what do I have to show for it? Most people at this time are already paying off mortgages and in jobs that actually have a ladder to climb potentially all the way to the top with a decent pay check and people who are only really interested in removing you from the company because you make them all look like slackers even though it wouldn't actually take much to put in the same amount of effort I do but to hell with having a work ethic. It's why Australia has so much wasted potential because it is rampant everywhere you go. people trying to put everything off until the last minute instead taking the time to procrastinate. However I digress. The fact is I am in a dead end job and unlike most people stuck there simply because companies are still legally able to discriminate against ugly white males like me (although there aren't actually that many) and the fact is i'm too good at what I do to be ever considered for promotion because then they would have to find someone else equally up to the task (which they can't because most people have very little in the way of a work ethic).
Even if I had the option of getting another job it begs the question of what to do. People have said I would be suited for singing (too ugly as sex sells ), Lawyer (a profession I greatly despise as most people in that profession are utterly useless), and priesthood (religion is the biggest scam in the world). Most other jobs fall into either the first or second option whilst a handful are out of my reach simply because they require an intellect far greater then my own or else muscle that i could acquire but then i would have to deal with a group of people who generally have little to no work ethic, are uncouth and are abusive.
I suppose I can be thankful I even have a job. Its funny people think I should be grateful because I have things others don't. People seem to use luck as a set of scales i.e. I have a job and wealth therefore i'm luckier then a homeless person. I prefer a comparative measurement since stating the obvious isn't what luck should be about. I should be compared to other white males of the same age and social standing and with that said apart from my health I would consider myself an extremely unlucky individual. In games that are supposedly about skill I lose out every time even if theoretically I should have the upper hand or if the chances are supposedly equally favourable. I'm single, low paying job, few friends and little else going for me. I would even go so far as to say certain events under normal conditions would go a different way simply because i have bet on the outcome or happened by the area (for example a match in a football game last night went the way of the team who in no way should of won ended up winning. should i have bet on them then there would be every chance that the team who should have won would have won instead so basically a catch 22).
I also believe in Karma to the extent that only criminals and the rich and beautiful benefit from good karma and that if i suffer from bad karma it is because i am the reincarnation of Hitler himself.
I've always been single although prostitution being legal here in Australia I am not a virgin although I have spent far more on them then i would have liked to and in hindsight regret visiting a certain notorious night spot for such a thing as since then I have found cheaper and better places for such a thing. The funny thing is that I can never tell if its the money I've paid them or whether what they say is actually genuine and some of the nice things they have said about me are sincere. Some seem to think I should have a girlfriend.
Love is something I have completely given up on. Why bother with something if it all boils down to how good looking you are and therefore in the back of their mind they are thinking " he will give me beautiful children" because beauty breeds success even more so then intellect. It doesn't matter if you have the qualities that would make you a good father and husband. Beauty first even if he turns out to be a wife beater or an alcoholic or junkie or all three or if he is a habitual cheater. Even money won't buy your way into the hearts of many people (which I suppose is small comfort since I don't have much of that either even if I am more cautious with my money then most).
Thats all I really wanted. A steady, decently paying job and a family and chances are I won't have either.
The most annoying thing about turning 30 is that I in no way want to do anything special for it (namely because i only have my family to celebrate with rather then most people with their dozens upon dozens of friends with whom they can go get shit faced with) but unfortunately my family and especially my mother and grand mother who are quite insistent on all things they want. I apparently have to do something big for my 30th but I don't want to do anything. for me its just another number with no meaning other then i am getting older and i have nothing to show for it.
Well thats enough from me. chances are only 1 other person reads this and this will flutter into the abyss of all things internet
