Screw it, J=Jayne, M=Mark, D=Deb
I've been watching this show on Paramount+ called "Indivisible: Healing Hate". It's a really interesting and informative show, that traces the history of white supremacy in America, and how it may have/probably did, lead directly to the insurrection on January 6th, 2021. They cover the big incidents that pretty much everyone knows about, like Waco, Ruby Ridge, and Oklahoma City; but there's a lot more, too. As the series progressed, I started reading the episode descriptions before watching, and they kept teasing a solution, an answer as to how we're supposed to "heal the hate". I have to say, I knew what was coming, and it filled me with a deep and sad sense of despair and anger. The solution, dear friends, is to be understanding and listen. Listen to the people that march in the streets with torches, chanting that minorities won't replace them. Listen to the people that lose their fucking minds when someone kneels during an anthem or disrespects "their" flag, while they proudly carry the flag of traitors into our Capitol Building. Listen to the people who tell me that my service to this country doesn't mean anything, simply because I believe the ideals this nation was founded on should apply to every race, creed, color, gender, what have you; without caveat. Meanwhile, they flash their fancy "Support The Troops" or "These Colors Don't Run" bumper stickers, ya know, so their neighbors know they're "true Americans". Listen to the people who will defend The Police to the very end, no matter what, while they beat and pepper spray officers because an election didn't go their way. The examples these days can go on, and on, and on.
But that's the gist, that's their big solution, to be level-headed and listen. They highlight several examples, of very specific occasions, when there was racial and/or political differences between two people that were resolved when the two parties actually came together and talked. I might add that the only reason the two sides came together in one of these cases, is because they were brought together by the people filming the show. It's a lofty idea, that sounds very sweet and nice, and would basically mean that liberal-minded, progressive, rational people, would have to take it on the fucking chin. Again. Because to listen is to validate. Which means we would have to validate the ideas held by an undeniably large portion of the population, that believes in things like QAnon. I won't even get into that, all you really need to know, is that they get their motto from a fucking Jeff Bridges movie (seriously, WWG1WGA, look it up). I have my reasons why I don't think this will work, large-scale. I've tried. I grew up in a very tight-knit family (at least on my mother's side). We would have family dinners at my grandparent's every Sunday, where I would see my two aunts, two uncles (one married into the family), and my two cousins (one from each aunt). My Aunt J (who is also my God-mother) and her husband Uncle M, were like a second set of parents to me. My Aunt J was the outspoken, take-no-shit, fun aunt, and my Uncle M (who married in to our little tribe), was the second most prominent male role model in my life. Only my grandfather was more important (my dad, who was technically there, wasn't present, but that's another blog).
For years upon years, every Sunday, holiday, and family birthday, was spent in their company. I learned a lot from them, simply from observing (I was and still am a pretty quiet guy). Aunt J never took any crap from my uncle, and my Uncle M always treated her as an equal. Besides my grandparents, it was the healthiest, most solid relationship I was exposed to as a kid. I will forever be grateful to them for that. But that started to change on Christmas in 2016, when I had a fairly heated, and admittedly drunken debate, with Aunt J and Uncle M in their driveway. Then on the following July 4th, my uncle related a story about how we should cut Trump, the walking, human-sized, orange-tinted, Anti-Christ, pile-of-fucking-garbage, some slack, simply because he (my uncle) hadn't walked around the previous 8 years, calling Obama the "N" word. Then related a story about a vague threat leveled at one of his black coworkers, that included that same word. I was suddenly looking at a complete stranger. There are more examples from there, a mix of arguments and letting things go. But when the pandemic hit, and they inevitably chose the wrong side (and at this point, it's not a matter of opinion), I had to cut ties. And in all of this, I feel like I let my cousin Alex down, and by extension, my cousin Carinne. He looked up to me at some point, and I could have/should have mentored him, but I didn't.
At this point I should let you know, that as much as I love my Aunt J, my Aunt D was always my favorite. An ex-hippy who never sold out, is soft-spoken, genuinely caring, yet adamant in her beliefs. One of the best people I've ever had the privilege of knowing. And Carinne was her daughter. Carinne was smart, funny, and beautiful, she was the best of us. I don't know if she was aware of the Suicide Girls, but I'm confident she would have loved the core values of the community. And as close as I was to her (we were almost raised as siblings), she was even closer to Alex. Sadly, we lost Carinne to cancer in 2009, and instead of stepping up to fill that void in Al's life, I closed myself off. I rarely even talk about Carinne to my Aunt D. Now, as I sit here, fighting back tears thinking about Carinne, I leave you with a final thought. Democracy, and everything that comes with it, is NOT guaranteed. Sometimes you have to literally fight for it. The most sobering fact from that whole show, is that America was added to a list of "backsliding democracies" last year, and on average, a nation has nine years from when it's added, before it fails, or turns things around.
Whew. I can't get over the "magic" of this site. I never would have posted this anywhere else.
Below are pictures of Carinne and Baby Mike, circa '83
Mike and Al, circa '03
