imandra

I feel so stuck. I have plans stirring inside of me, but because of my life right now they just keep banging into the side of my head, like a giant moth up against the window at night when you have the light in your room on. It's distracting to say the least. For the first time in my life I have an idea of what I want to do, where I want to go, I have a tentative time table set up, I know what I have to do to reach my goal. I feel like all I have to do is push the play button, but it's a new VCR, and someones rubbed all the words off the buttons on the front, and my parents are holding the remote over my head laughing at me.

My father has decided that the sacredness of all tattoos has been taken away by people like me. He told me that one of the men he takes Karate with has a tattoo on his arm. It marks a trial of endurance the men in his tribe (He's Native) go through. He says that because I didn't go through trials like that, my tattoo's take away from the meaning of his friend's. I have reasons for my tattoos, both of them mean something to me. I keep those meanings to myself, because they are sacred to me. When he asked what I had done to earn my tattoos. I told him nothing. I gave him the reason that is half true. I have the tattoos because I wanted them on my body. The next night he told me that he decided he would be more comfortable if I referred to them as 'body art' and not tattoos. That's not going to happen. They are tattoos, and I'm not going to change my terminology because he can't except that tattoos mean different things to different people. I am slightly hurt that he won't take the time to listen to my side of the story.

My mom basically told me that she thinks my life plan is morally wrong. I'd get into more details, but I don't really want to tell this story over and over. I've told my parents what I want to do, and I'll reveal what it is I'm doing as time goes by. I feel like I share too much, and I'm going to start keeping things for myself sometimes.

I'm looking forward to going up to see my GF this weekend. Her parties are always fun. There are going to be more people here than there were last year. Wish me good weather, towards the higher end of the temprature spectrum, because I'm going skinny dipping, and a little New Hampshire cold isn't going to stop me.