Time for a cathartic moment.............
I have 2 men(I think) in my life, one that I got, and one that I want. The one that I got just sucks the life right out of me. Makes me not even want to get out of bed. Cant stand to hear his voice, cant stand for him to touch me. Just completely gets under my skin. Unfortunately I am married to him.
! In the process of leaving him. I have to plan it out almost like a wedding. I have a timeline, I keep moving up the date. Well all the secrecy is really starting to manifest horrible symptoms on me, emotionally and physically. Besides the fact that for the most part he treats me like a Queen (sounds bizarre,I know). But you know how you just know if you stay with someone just to make them happy you will end up killing your soul slowly. Its started and I cant let it continue,life is too short! I just dont have the balls to let him know I am leaving, he is the type of person that will hurt me or himself( we have 4 loaded shotguns in the house). I have nightmares about what might happen. He has told me in the past "We will never get divorced" It was very ominous to say the least. Well now fast forward, my date is approaching very quickly now and I am getting really nervous! He talks about us buying a house this year, or when are we gonna take another trip to Florida. I really hate breaking someones heart, but it has to be done to save myself!
So the other man in my life I met after I made the decision to leave my husband. Go figure! Did not plan to jump from one relationship to another! But this guy is different than anyone else I ever dated. He is intelligent, sweet and calming. Someone I can have an actual conversation with. He has basically been waiting for me to leave the marriage. I am still trying to figure out what he expects from me. Sometimes I think its just sex, other times I think he has deeper feelings, yet other times I think he is just passing the time. Men are so hard to figure out. I am used to men being very obvious about there interest in me. Now I must say the only real time we to talk to each other is at work, and we work in the type of job that we couldnt openly let it be known we are forming a relationship, so I dont get a whole lot of direct attention from him. We can only talk on the phone at work (plenty of time to do that).Although we have met up once and had sex! It was real nice, considering it was basically a quickie. I love his soft kisses, I turned to mush! Its all so confusing!!
! I just dont want to end up with a broken heart,how ironic, when I am fixing to break someones heart!
I have 2 men(I think) in my life, one that I got, and one that I want. The one that I got just sucks the life right out of me. Makes me not even want to get out of bed. Cant stand to hear his voice, cant stand for him to touch me. Just completely gets under my skin. Unfortunately I am married to him.
! In the process of leaving him. I have to plan it out almost like a wedding. I have a timeline, I keep moving up the date. Well all the secrecy is really starting to manifest horrible symptoms on me, emotionally and physically. Besides the fact that for the most part he treats me like a Queen (sounds bizarre,I know). But you know how you just know if you stay with someone just to make them happy you will end up killing your soul slowly. Its started and I cant let it continue,life is too short! I just dont have the balls to let him know I am leaving, he is the type of person that will hurt me or himself( we have 4 loaded shotguns in the house). I have nightmares about what might happen. He has told me in the past "We will never get divorced" It was very ominous to say the least. Well now fast forward, my date is approaching very quickly now and I am getting really nervous! He talks about us buying a house this year, or when are we gonna take another trip to Florida. I really hate breaking someones heart, but it has to be done to save myself!
So the other man in my life I met after I made the decision to leave my husband. Go figure! Did not plan to jump from one relationship to another! But this guy is different than anyone else I ever dated. He is intelligent, sweet and calming. Someone I can have an actual conversation with. He has basically been waiting for me to leave the marriage. I am still trying to figure out what he expects from me. Sometimes I think its just sex, other times I think he has deeper feelings, yet other times I think he is just passing the time. Men are so hard to figure out. I am used to men being very obvious about there interest in me. Now I must say the only real time we to talk to each other is at work, and we work in the type of job that we couldnt openly let it be known we are forming a relationship, so I dont get a whole lot of direct attention from him. We can only talk on the phone at work (plenty of time to do that).Although we have met up once and had sex! It was real nice, considering it was basically a quickie. I love his soft kisses, I turned to mush! Its all so confusing!!
! I just dont want to end up with a broken heart,how ironic, when I am fixing to break someones heart!