I came out of the darkness, with a bullet in my hand.
Been a curious few weeks. I feel things I forgot I had surfacing, emotions I had long since figured were just gone. I had a nice two hour drive a week ago to see my sister play the field hockey state championships, and found myself getting choked up and teary eyed when she won. my niece failed her license test and I felt horrible. It's all strange. I have always loved my family, but fuck, I honestly cannot remember the last time I cried out of happiness, or felt bad because somebody else messed up. It's like... empathy. Finally.
I have been bouncing my head off the walls with the occasional boredom. It used to be the anxiety of not knowing whether or not I'd be going to Afghanistan, but since I now know, it's just boredom. January 8th, and I leave for Virginia for processing. Bagram Air Base, here I come. All I need is a physical, and a medical history check, and a vision test, and a hearing exam, and a dental exam, and a chest x-ray. All out of pocket, which is a good chunk of change, seeing as how the health care coverage from my last job that's still in affect sucks in country, but I got it.
All seems to be moving fairly well, and I have been awaiting what I feel is the inevitable fall, that one we all seem to get used to and wind up looking for in the long run. That feeling you get when things seem to be going too well to be right. Aside from the walls of the female I see from time to time. First time I not only noticed a wall, but found a way to peck through it. It was... enlightening. No, uplifting... maybe both. Still have some serious walls to get through if we are to ever become a couple. And 200 miles to contend with. And let's face it, who would voluntarily move to this amish country place?
Oh, I'm going hunting finally, kind of. Not sure if I'm going to try to shoot anything, but I'm going to the cabin in the mountains which lack cell reception and wireless anything. A good escape from the world with family at least. Not sure how it's going to go, I know I'll be cold as all fucking hell, but whatever.
Looking back at the past few years of my life, there's a strange feeling that somewhere along the line, I had left a completely different person behind. Like I was somehow able to unbind myself from them. It has been a rough and bumpy ass fucking ride, one that created my first series of real regrets. I am completely stunned that in the mindset I was in, I was able to make it through school, or life for that matter. I feel more lucky to have literally survived the past few years than to have survived two tours to Iraq. Biggest, and worst difference is, all the danger I faced after Iraq, was all from me being just, stupid.
I've grown. Spiritually, mentally. Wiser, and younger. Rejuvenated in all that matters. And never faltering my progression, always moving closer and closer to what it is I have always wanted. Let's just hope that inevitable fall is just imaginary.
Been a curious few weeks. I feel things I forgot I had surfacing, emotions I had long since figured were just gone. I had a nice two hour drive a week ago to see my sister play the field hockey state championships, and found myself getting choked up and teary eyed when she won. my niece failed her license test and I felt horrible. It's all strange. I have always loved my family, but fuck, I honestly cannot remember the last time I cried out of happiness, or felt bad because somebody else messed up. It's like... empathy. Finally.
I have been bouncing my head off the walls with the occasional boredom. It used to be the anxiety of not knowing whether or not I'd be going to Afghanistan, but since I now know, it's just boredom. January 8th, and I leave for Virginia for processing. Bagram Air Base, here I come. All I need is a physical, and a medical history check, and a vision test, and a hearing exam, and a dental exam, and a chest x-ray. All out of pocket, which is a good chunk of change, seeing as how the health care coverage from my last job that's still in affect sucks in country, but I got it.
All seems to be moving fairly well, and I have been awaiting what I feel is the inevitable fall, that one we all seem to get used to and wind up looking for in the long run. That feeling you get when things seem to be going too well to be right. Aside from the walls of the female I see from time to time. First time I not only noticed a wall, but found a way to peck through it. It was... enlightening. No, uplifting... maybe both. Still have some serious walls to get through if we are to ever become a couple. And 200 miles to contend with. And let's face it, who would voluntarily move to this amish country place?
Oh, I'm going hunting finally, kind of. Not sure if I'm going to try to shoot anything, but I'm going to the cabin in the mountains which lack cell reception and wireless anything. A good escape from the world with family at least. Not sure how it's going to go, I know I'll be cold as all fucking hell, but whatever.
Looking back at the past few years of my life, there's a strange feeling that somewhere along the line, I had left a completely different person behind. Like I was somehow able to unbind myself from them. It has been a rough and bumpy ass fucking ride, one that created my first series of real regrets. I am completely stunned that in the mindset I was in, I was able to make it through school, or life for that matter. I feel more lucky to have literally survived the past few years than to have survived two tours to Iraq. Biggest, and worst difference is, all the danger I faced after Iraq, was all from me being just, stupid.
I've grown. Spiritually, mentally. Wiser, and younger. Rejuvenated in all that matters. And never faltering my progression, always moving closer and closer to what it is I have always wanted. Let's just hope that inevitable fall is just imaginary.