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illuminatus

Harrisburg

Member Since 2008

Followers 7 Following 17

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Tuesday Feb 22, 2011

Feb 22, 2011
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New dreams, weird dreams... almost nightmares.

Maybe they are just evolving, maybe I should take it as a sign that I am progressing, and my nightmares are just chasing me. Perhaps, this is my forward motion reflected in my fears and terrors.

For the past long while, all dreams of death and mayhem. Explosions and pain, suffering, both physically and mentally. Flashbacks presented in a fashion that no level of technology could produce, where the fear itself, all the emotions are transferred during my slumber. The details I can picture seem to be ones that I wouldn't have noticed regardless. Count the seconds, realize it's all less than one.

Now, my dreams are still that real, where I could wake up in the middle of it and think about how to fix the problem that doesn't exist. I'd fall back asleep and continue on with my dream. Then I would wake up and be afraid to look at my own phone.

My dreams are of my demon, of my darkness, being set free entirely. The chaos it would create, the people it could destroy, my life falling to ruins from mere words and a complete absence of concern. The destruction of empathy and sympathy, bringing rise to a pure sociopath, spitting words and gut punches like people around me are begging for them. Watching tears fall and backs turn to me without remorse.

Becoming the one thing I fear most....

....alone....

....my father.

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