So, I can start blogging again on here for real. Not like the last two, which were pictures and copy of a facebook blog from a few days earlier.
So, I'm sitting here watching the football game (Eagles, by the way. I always watch the Eagles games!) and made it all the way to halftime without even thinking about an alcoholic drink. I just cracked open a beer, but really, odds are I'll only have a couple during the game, then afterwards just some tea. And really, coming from my stance not so long ago, at this point I'd probably already be drunk. I mean it used to call my name, a faint echo from the fridge, or sometimes the wine rack, which only houses scotch for me. I would think about it, and even run to the store at midnight just to grab a coke to mix in. A crutch I was leaning on and formulating excuses of how I didn't need it. There was no problem in my mind, it never interfered with my life, not in the obvious aspects like school or work. Not like February and March of last year, where I would be out bar hopping on a Wednesday night and wake up late for work.
Since then, I would drink whenever I felt like it, which was often. But I ended up MAKING it not ruin my morning by drinking early in the afternoons, so I would be out by 10 or 11. Still able to wake by 5:30. I specifically remember coming home from class early to crack open a bottle of scotch, and within two hours looking at a half bottle. And worst part of it, I would say to myself "wow, I'm drinking too much. I better switch to my beer." At the time, that actually made sense to me. There was actually some form of logic to that statement, and I would even defend it to people. No idea how the fuck that's possible, but it's pretty bad, in retrospect.
Since the coffee idea, I've been up MUCH later than I wish. Granted, drinking coffee at 2 in the morning is not the way to sleep, but it's better for me than drinking liquor. Now, I need at least three cups of coffee every morning, but now I don't need to drink coffee at night when I'm craving alcohol. I just... stopped craving. There was no more need, no more desire. I don't even think about it anymore. Clear. Free. Finally.
In other news...
We had one of our cats, Bailey, the seven year old, get taken away today. Well, we let her go. Between the kitten, Niko, and the puppy, Miley, Bailey just is not happy. She's the kind of cat that likes either all of the attention or none. She only really comes out at night, when the other two are calm and out of sight. She's not a bad cat, by any means, but we could just tell she's unhappy. She was so against coming downstairs during the days that she wouldn't use the litter box, rather someone's bed. So after discussions, we made some calls, and she's back with a rescue shelter. I hope she finds a good home, we mentioned she'd be best in a single pet home.
Also, I've been paying attention to my friendships, the intensity of the bonds, and sadly, most of my friends are still just "hey, let's hang out" kind of relationships. Yet, recently, an ex of mine has really stepped up into the best friend spotlight. We've been hanging out, talk about the world and our lives, fuck, we even go shopping together. We spend time watching movies talking about each other. We're those kind of people that just recognized that as a couple, we just weren't working, but as friends, we're awesome for each other. She's been getting all worked up about a guy that a friend introduced her into, asking me what this and this means when he says it, should she go out and eat with him. I've been talking to her about a situation that has been developing with me and a girl over the past couple weeks, and she's proven to be realistically optimistic, as strange of a statement as that is. Fuck, because of her I now know the difference between cheekies and baby dolls and all that jazz. She compared her obsession with Victoria's Secret to my obsession with Buckle.
It was one of those "OOOOOOOOOOH" moments for me. Though we definitely have some severe differences we just don't even get into, e.g. religion.
Oh yeah, and the situation. Well, I mean the only thing I guess at this exact moment is that though history repeats itself, we as individuals do possess the ability to truly change and grow, and watching someone actually do it is always awesome. At one point, at a couple points, there was this "OK, Bye, hope you slip down a rocky cliff" feeling between us, but we prove to be just like gravity... what goes up must come down. Just, backwards. And to develop in our own ways as well as develop as a couple, to adapt and find the common ground for stepping, to meet somewhere in the middle and find a way to hold onto it, to the point where "us" becomes a discussion that never happened before... well... We'll see this time.
It's a real difference when you look at things through opaque glass and when you shatter the window and stare face to face.
This place is exactly what I remember it being: the opposite of Texas. It's cold, lively, and the people really are generally nicer. I was expected nothing but fall colors, but I have forgotten that the grass stays green year round. It's weird to see that much color ALL the time. I'm so used to the city, the long drives seeming so short, nothing but building after building with a couple trees in the parking lots. Nothing but the red streaks of break lights and the glow of the city lights off the slight pollution in the sky. But here, the nights can be bright without city lights, but with moonlight. There is actually a silence throughout most of the day. The difference is almost culture shock, but it's welcoming. Comforting.
So is this...
This would be my failed attempt at taking a picture of the puppy assaulting my face with her tongue in the morning. As you can see she is actually standing on my body. She WILL reach my face. This is every morning. Smile.
My Dexter kill gloves.... winter versions...
So, I'm sitting here watching the football game (Eagles, by the way. I always watch the Eagles games!) and made it all the way to halftime without even thinking about an alcoholic drink. I just cracked open a beer, but really, odds are I'll only have a couple during the game, then afterwards just some tea. And really, coming from my stance not so long ago, at this point I'd probably already be drunk. I mean it used to call my name, a faint echo from the fridge, or sometimes the wine rack, which only houses scotch for me. I would think about it, and even run to the store at midnight just to grab a coke to mix in. A crutch I was leaning on and formulating excuses of how I didn't need it. There was no problem in my mind, it never interfered with my life, not in the obvious aspects like school or work. Not like February and March of last year, where I would be out bar hopping on a Wednesday night and wake up late for work.
Since then, I would drink whenever I felt like it, which was often. But I ended up MAKING it not ruin my morning by drinking early in the afternoons, so I would be out by 10 or 11. Still able to wake by 5:30. I specifically remember coming home from class early to crack open a bottle of scotch, and within two hours looking at a half bottle. And worst part of it, I would say to myself "wow, I'm drinking too much. I better switch to my beer." At the time, that actually made sense to me. There was actually some form of logic to that statement, and I would even defend it to people. No idea how the fuck that's possible, but it's pretty bad, in retrospect.
Since the coffee idea, I've been up MUCH later than I wish. Granted, drinking coffee at 2 in the morning is not the way to sleep, but it's better for me than drinking liquor. Now, I need at least three cups of coffee every morning, but now I don't need to drink coffee at night when I'm craving alcohol. I just... stopped craving. There was no more need, no more desire. I don't even think about it anymore. Clear. Free. Finally.
In other news...
We had one of our cats, Bailey, the seven year old, get taken away today. Well, we let her go. Between the kitten, Niko, and the puppy, Miley, Bailey just is not happy. She's the kind of cat that likes either all of the attention or none. She only really comes out at night, when the other two are calm and out of sight. She's not a bad cat, by any means, but we could just tell she's unhappy. She was so against coming downstairs during the days that she wouldn't use the litter box, rather someone's bed. So after discussions, we made some calls, and she's back with a rescue shelter. I hope she finds a good home, we mentioned she'd be best in a single pet home.
Also, I've been paying attention to my friendships, the intensity of the bonds, and sadly, most of my friends are still just "hey, let's hang out" kind of relationships. Yet, recently, an ex of mine has really stepped up into the best friend spotlight. We've been hanging out, talk about the world and our lives, fuck, we even go shopping together. We spend time watching movies talking about each other. We're those kind of people that just recognized that as a couple, we just weren't working, but as friends, we're awesome for each other. She's been getting all worked up about a guy that a friend introduced her into, asking me what this and this means when he says it, should she go out and eat with him. I've been talking to her about a situation that has been developing with me and a girl over the past couple weeks, and she's proven to be realistically optimistic, as strange of a statement as that is. Fuck, because of her I now know the difference between cheekies and baby dolls and all that jazz. She compared her obsession with Victoria's Secret to my obsession with Buckle.
It was one of those "OOOOOOOOOOH" moments for me. Though we definitely have some severe differences we just don't even get into, e.g. religion.
Oh yeah, and the situation. Well, I mean the only thing I guess at this exact moment is that though history repeats itself, we as individuals do possess the ability to truly change and grow, and watching someone actually do it is always awesome. At one point, at a couple points, there was this "OK, Bye, hope you slip down a rocky cliff" feeling between us, but we prove to be just like gravity... what goes up must come down. Just, backwards. And to develop in our own ways as well as develop as a couple, to adapt and find the common ground for stepping, to meet somewhere in the middle and find a way to hold onto it, to the point where "us" becomes a discussion that never happened before... well... We'll see this time.
It's a real difference when you look at things through opaque glass and when you shatter the window and stare face to face.
This place is exactly what I remember it being: the opposite of Texas. It's cold, lively, and the people really are generally nicer. I was expected nothing but fall colors, but I have forgotten that the grass stays green year round. It's weird to see that much color ALL the time. I'm so used to the city, the long drives seeming so short, nothing but building after building with a couple trees in the parking lots. Nothing but the red streaks of break lights and the glow of the city lights off the slight pollution in the sky. But here, the nights can be bright without city lights, but with moonlight. There is actually a silence throughout most of the day. The difference is almost culture shock, but it's welcoming. Comforting.
So is this...
This would be my failed attempt at taking a picture of the puppy assaulting my face with her tongue in the morning. As you can see she is actually standing on my body. She WILL reach my face. This is every morning. Smile.
My Dexter kill gloves.... winter versions...