hello, i'm your martyr.... will you be my gangster?
a pretty good explanation of my thoughts throughout the day. i can honestly say that my logic is finally overturning my previous emotions. the more i dig in my quest to understand another, the more and more i feel as though i almost don't. yet, this search for closure, this simple search for an apology for a couple small things i feel are justified keeps pushing me.
and each time, the returned anger or frustration is almost.... amusing. not that i am in anyway probing for these reactions, but to know that i am bothering someone so easily with something so simple (a someone who has crushed me on more than one occasion, that is) is a small sense of kharma, comforting me.
now, of course the pain i felt is something i wouldn't wish on my enemies, but i can almost see this occurring to them soon, and am kind of hoping that through discussion i can at least soften the blow. yet, there is still that vengeful side that tempting me ever so discreetly to just ignore and let it happen.
either way, its a relaxing feeling to know that neither of these events are really bothering me in the least, just assisting my progression from the situation. but, in my style, i cannot walk away without understanding, really. yet.... something just seems.... off. like even they don't understand entirely. of course i could be wrong. and, in a small aspect, hope that i am, so that i will get those little things i need to happily excuse myself from this wonder permanently.
someone told me i should explain in detail how bad the pain i felt was, but i honestly dont see that making any impact on anything, so im still sticking to being apologetic and focusing on the ways that i was the antagonist, and not the victim. sort of playing to them a bit just so i can find what im looking for, and in all odds, move on, as they seem so interested in me doing. and, like i said, the more i dig, the less i care.
this is all so liberating. in a way i couldn't have imagined it. i knew this moment would be satisfying, but this.... pure freedom, on top of the personal changes i have recently made.... is just.... prodigious.
i almost feel like jumping like a child in the front lawn... maybe i will!
TOOTLES!
EDIT:
i showed you an evil once. i guess now its your turn to do the same. difference is, your evil just makes me pity you.
i cared about you once, now i just hope that you cry as hard as i did.
which you will, and i just wanted to stop it.... but refer to evil mentioned earlier.
a pretty good explanation of my thoughts throughout the day. i can honestly say that my logic is finally overturning my previous emotions. the more i dig in my quest to understand another, the more and more i feel as though i almost don't. yet, this search for closure, this simple search for an apology for a couple small things i feel are justified keeps pushing me.
and each time, the returned anger or frustration is almost.... amusing. not that i am in anyway probing for these reactions, but to know that i am bothering someone so easily with something so simple (a someone who has crushed me on more than one occasion, that is) is a small sense of kharma, comforting me.
now, of course the pain i felt is something i wouldn't wish on my enemies, but i can almost see this occurring to them soon, and am kind of hoping that through discussion i can at least soften the blow. yet, there is still that vengeful side that tempting me ever so discreetly to just ignore and let it happen.
either way, its a relaxing feeling to know that neither of these events are really bothering me in the least, just assisting my progression from the situation. but, in my style, i cannot walk away without understanding, really. yet.... something just seems.... off. like even they don't understand entirely. of course i could be wrong. and, in a small aspect, hope that i am, so that i will get those little things i need to happily excuse myself from this wonder permanently.
someone told me i should explain in detail how bad the pain i felt was, but i honestly dont see that making any impact on anything, so im still sticking to being apologetic and focusing on the ways that i was the antagonist, and not the victim. sort of playing to them a bit just so i can find what im looking for, and in all odds, move on, as they seem so interested in me doing. and, like i said, the more i dig, the less i care.
this is all so liberating. in a way i couldn't have imagined it. i knew this moment would be satisfying, but this.... pure freedom, on top of the personal changes i have recently made.... is just.... prodigious.
i almost feel like jumping like a child in the front lawn... maybe i will!
TOOTLES!
EDIT:
i showed you an evil once. i guess now its your turn to do the same. difference is, your evil just makes me pity you.
i cared about you once, now i just hope that you cry as hard as i did.
which you will, and i just wanted to stop it.... but refer to evil mentioned earlier.