oh fuck it....
spent some days with friends, had laughs, still here. pictures to come in a couple days...
so boy meets girl. both have fun. doesnt pan out so well...
anyways... girl made a very peculiar observation. it was at some point during the massage... when i had countless number of knots. she asked me.... why i continue to put myself through stress so much. that my friends is a damn good question. i said i have no idea. then we started talking about my reasoning here this time. helping my friend. buying him food and cigarettes, cooking, cleaning, taking him to cook outs and nights out, washing and fixing his car... whatever have you. basically making sure he stays normal, keeps himself healthy and NOT depressed. and then she said it.
"why do you do these things when it just aggravates you? especially with your car in the shop now? when was the last time you really just relaxed?."
this is true. my friend is a grown man who has put himself into this situation. and here i am, running on close to broke trying to help him cope. running around doing things for him so he can feel better. and yet.... noone stops to ask how im doing. if im feeling better now. noone comes down and says "im here to help you feel good"
and more so.... i dont stop to get myself to feel good, to relax, to calm down before i leap out to help others. i know they appreciate what i do, and i know it helps them. but its counter productive to me.
so heres my new question to everyone...... is it wrong to deny a friend help when it also going to damage youself?
EDIT:
saw a commercial that is very disturbing. nutrisystem.... not only did the women on the commercial look like a walking fuckin twig, but even the stupid cgi image of the body going from fat to, in this case, sickeningly thin.
how do we become a people so obsessed with something thats so unnattracive and so unhealthy? i mena, i like skinny girls, but there reaches a line, and when you force yourself to cross that line, where all your bones show and you arms look like a tendon slapped on a chiken bone.... thats a bit far.
furthermore.... what women ACTUALLY want to look like that? for themselves i should say. do women actually see themselves without a body, as nothing but a walking decaying skeleton as attractive?
weight loss is one thing, intentional anorexia is beyond another thing.
to know other people is strength, to know yourself is true power.
