quick update:
day two went well, HUGE detailed blog on it hopefully monday
day three will be spent workin on what i have learned.
but today, mistakes have been made....
went to a very nice dinner, one of my favorites with mom my little sister and little brother and his g/f
to a place that i KNOW for a fact SHE wouldve loved, and wouldve had a lot of fun.
then came home and got online.... and went to her page.
feelings have returned.
in pain.
need to focus again.
day three continues....
EDIT:
after calming down a bit enough to think clearly, i remembered that i need to confront my feelings and learn to express them through words.
so heres me practicing what ive learned:
i miss her so much right now. i went to her page if just for the hopes she posted a new long blog. wanted to read it and see how shes doing. i dont want to text her or anything, i dont feel ready to start talking, or trying to talk again. havent finished this journey. come to think of it, thats if she even wants to talk anymore. this thought brings me fear and sadness, and i feel the urge to temporarily alleviate it by calling or texting her, but i know i may end up continuing my ways of emotional immaturity and aggravate her. very counter productive to something i hope may restart in the future.
i have come to this knowledge though. during our fighting, i stated that i could not go back to just being friends, and in my immature anger, i ended all online friendships with her. proved to be a very stupid action. granted, at the time i releived a bit of anger in doing so, but it only caused, and continues to cause pain. though not as much now as then. in any case, the new knowledge is this..... i want to be her friend again. i want at the very least to talk with her as we used to in the beginning. she has so much to offer and proves to be such a geniune person it would be foolish not to. i hope that much can happen again. so in retrospect: i shouldve said "back to being anyhting LESS then a friend." but what is done is done, and im working on myself, and hope that when i am ready, i can right the wrong i have done.
on a side note, i very much thank those of you wo have commented on my blogs. it brings good feelings and thoughts to me to know that people are paying attention and are at least concerned enough to let me know. thank you. it is a great help to my goal.
day two went well, HUGE detailed blog on it hopefully monday
day three will be spent workin on what i have learned.
but today, mistakes have been made....
went to a very nice dinner, one of my favorites with mom my little sister and little brother and his g/f
to a place that i KNOW for a fact SHE wouldve loved, and wouldve had a lot of fun.
then came home and got online.... and went to her page.
feelings have returned.
in pain.
need to focus again.
day three continues....
EDIT:
after calming down a bit enough to think clearly, i remembered that i need to confront my feelings and learn to express them through words.
so heres me practicing what ive learned:
i miss her so much right now. i went to her page if just for the hopes she posted a new long blog. wanted to read it and see how shes doing. i dont want to text her or anything, i dont feel ready to start talking, or trying to talk again. havent finished this journey. come to think of it, thats if she even wants to talk anymore. this thought brings me fear and sadness, and i feel the urge to temporarily alleviate it by calling or texting her, but i know i may end up continuing my ways of emotional immaturity and aggravate her. very counter productive to something i hope may restart in the future.
i have come to this knowledge though. during our fighting, i stated that i could not go back to just being friends, and in my immature anger, i ended all online friendships with her. proved to be a very stupid action. granted, at the time i releived a bit of anger in doing so, but it only caused, and continues to cause pain. though not as much now as then. in any case, the new knowledge is this..... i want to be her friend again. i want at the very least to talk with her as we used to in the beginning. she has so much to offer and proves to be such a geniune person it would be foolish not to. i hope that much can happen again. so in retrospect: i shouldve said "back to being anyhting LESS then a friend." but what is done is done, and im working on myself, and hope that when i am ready, i can right the wrong i have done.
on a side note, i very much thank those of you wo have commented on my blogs. it brings good feelings and thoughts to me to know that people are paying attention and are at least concerned enough to let me know. thank you. it is a great help to my goal.
jaxy:
second chances go happen but it takes a lot of effort from both parties involved.