#111719
4/21/05
How are you holding up? I miss you. We all do. Derrick, Lee and Crosse are always asking about you. It's just not the same without you here. Little Kevin is growing up so fast. I wish you could see him. He's so smart, just like his dad. He loves music too. He knows all the words to the songs on the radio. He's always asking about you. I can't put anything past him.
Remember Justin from King Street? Well he just got a deal with Bad Boy Records. He bought his mother a new house. Her other son Marvin got killed a couple months back. You know how it is around here. Nothing is ever all good.
Jamar wants to go to college so Crosse has been helping him out in school. He's working on an academic scholarship. You know he was nice at ball but he could never compare to big brother. I remember coming to your games. On that court, you were like a bird let out of its cage. I wish things could have been different for you, for us. I have to get to work so I'll write you later. I love you.
Mary
5/29/05
Kevin and I just went to take pictures. I'll get you some in about a week when I pick them up.
I was offered a job in Atlanta with a printing agency. I know it's far away but Crosse thinks it might be good for me to get away from here. I can't stand it here anymore, especially without you. Everything reminds me of you. Thirteen more years is too long. I don't think I can survive without you. It's so empty without you here. I get lonely. Holding on is driving me crazy. Everyday is like the first day I woke up without you. I've been living the same nightmare for a year now. I don't think I can do this anymore. It just hurts too much but I love you and I'll wait as long as I have to. I love you.
Mary
7/1/05
I got your letters. I'm sorry I don't write as often as I used to but when I think of you I can barely make it through the day. That's what makes this so hard to write.
I think it would be best if we stopped writing for a while. I'm not saying we should break the promise but you and I know that this is too hard a thing to continue. I feel like we're in the same place. It's just that I'm on the outside.
Dont think that this is easy for me to write either. I was afraid of your reaction if I told you in person. You know I don't like coming down there. I can't stand seeing you like that.
I still love you. I hope you understand. I would understand if you didn't though. Please don't be mad at me. I don't know what else to say. I'll let you know if I move to Atlanta. I'm so sorry. I love you.
Mary
8/15/05
I understand you being mad but you have to understand. I can't stay here and mourn the rest of my life. I have to feed Kevin. (Crosse helps me out though.) My world didn't stop when yours did. I know that sounds harsh but I have to start thinking about me and the baby now.
So that promise you made me, I'm not sure we can go through with it. I'll give you the ring back. You can use it for commissary. Please, please don't think this is easy for me. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. If I could do this without hurting you, you know I would.
This wasn't an overnight decision. I've been thinking about it for a while. I need the work and I need to get out of here. It's the logical decision. I still love you.
Mary
9/10/05
When you left a part of me left too but I think that it's time that I take that piece back. I swear on everything that's holy that I still and always will love you even if you don't believe me. I suppose you don't have any reason to though.
In April of next year, I'll be moving to Atlanta. The reason why I'm not going immediately is that I just found out I was pregnant and I decided not to move until I had the baby. (Yes, it's Crosses'. I'm sorry.) I trust you won't want to continue our discussions after you read this. I never wanted it to end like this but I suppose it will anyway. Let me know if I can do anything for you. I hope this isn't goodbye. I know it is but I still love you.
Mary
9/15/05
When I couldn't count on anything, I could count on you. When everything hurt, you were my only comfort. When no one believed me, you did. When my world crumbled, you were the only thing left standing. You brought me life. I know it was unintentional. You never meant to hurt me. I know I asked a lot of you. Maybe I leaned on you too much. Now that you are no longer here to bring me life, I have no choice but to accept death. I ask you to give me one good reason not to and you'll probably say "Kevin." But I was, and can never be, a good father to him here. I have no family and I think it's safe to say that I have no true friends. So you tell me what you can do for me besides kiss my son and tell him I'm sorry. I loved you. Goodbye.
Kevin.
4/21/05
How are you holding up? I miss you. We all do. Derrick, Lee and Crosse are always asking about you. It's just not the same without you here. Little Kevin is growing up so fast. I wish you could see him. He's so smart, just like his dad. He loves music too. He knows all the words to the songs on the radio. He's always asking about you. I can't put anything past him.
Remember Justin from King Street? Well he just got a deal with Bad Boy Records. He bought his mother a new house. Her other son Marvin got killed a couple months back. You know how it is around here. Nothing is ever all good.
Jamar wants to go to college so Crosse has been helping him out in school. He's working on an academic scholarship. You know he was nice at ball but he could never compare to big brother. I remember coming to your games. On that court, you were like a bird let out of its cage. I wish things could have been different for you, for us. I have to get to work so I'll write you later. I love you.
Mary
5/29/05
Kevin and I just went to take pictures. I'll get you some in about a week when I pick them up.
I was offered a job in Atlanta with a printing agency. I know it's far away but Crosse thinks it might be good for me to get away from here. I can't stand it here anymore, especially without you. Everything reminds me of you. Thirteen more years is too long. I don't think I can survive without you. It's so empty without you here. I get lonely. Holding on is driving me crazy. Everyday is like the first day I woke up without you. I've been living the same nightmare for a year now. I don't think I can do this anymore. It just hurts too much but I love you and I'll wait as long as I have to. I love you.
Mary
7/1/05
I got your letters. I'm sorry I don't write as often as I used to but when I think of you I can barely make it through the day. That's what makes this so hard to write.
I think it would be best if we stopped writing for a while. I'm not saying we should break the promise but you and I know that this is too hard a thing to continue. I feel like we're in the same place. It's just that I'm on the outside.
Dont think that this is easy for me to write either. I was afraid of your reaction if I told you in person. You know I don't like coming down there. I can't stand seeing you like that.
I still love you. I hope you understand. I would understand if you didn't though. Please don't be mad at me. I don't know what else to say. I'll let you know if I move to Atlanta. I'm so sorry. I love you.
Mary
8/15/05
I understand you being mad but you have to understand. I can't stay here and mourn the rest of my life. I have to feed Kevin. (Crosse helps me out though.) My world didn't stop when yours did. I know that sounds harsh but I have to start thinking about me and the baby now.
So that promise you made me, I'm not sure we can go through with it. I'll give you the ring back. You can use it for commissary. Please, please don't think this is easy for me. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. If I could do this without hurting you, you know I would.
This wasn't an overnight decision. I've been thinking about it for a while. I need the work and I need to get out of here. It's the logical decision. I still love you.
Mary
9/10/05
When you left a part of me left too but I think that it's time that I take that piece back. I swear on everything that's holy that I still and always will love you even if you don't believe me. I suppose you don't have any reason to though.
In April of next year, I'll be moving to Atlanta. The reason why I'm not going immediately is that I just found out I was pregnant and I decided not to move until I had the baby. (Yes, it's Crosses'. I'm sorry.) I trust you won't want to continue our discussions after you read this. I never wanted it to end like this but I suppose it will anyway. Let me know if I can do anything for you. I hope this isn't goodbye. I know it is but I still love you.
Mary
9/15/05
When I couldn't count on anything, I could count on you. When everything hurt, you were my only comfort. When no one believed me, you did. When my world crumbled, you were the only thing left standing. You brought me life. I know it was unintentional. You never meant to hurt me. I know I asked a lot of you. Maybe I leaned on you too much. Now that you are no longer here to bring me life, I have no choice but to accept death. I ask you to give me one good reason not to and you'll probably say "Kevin." But I was, and can never be, a good father to him here. I have no family and I think it's safe to say that I have no true friends. So you tell me what you can do for me besides kiss my son and tell him I'm sorry. I loved you. Goodbye.
Kevin.
vlo:
hey how ar eu doing??? 