My Trip to the Grocery Store
This isnt a story so much as it is a collection of random events, a detailing of my neurosis and a bunch of silly musings. Here goes...
Its not so bad now but at one time in my life the grocery store was the scariest place on Earth to me. This Social Anxiety thing is going to eat me alive.
First off, I hate having to tell the little street urchin outside the door that Im not going to buy her girl scout cookies. Im not cheap. Im broke.
It freaks me out when employees greet me at the door. The first time this happened I turned around to see who was behind me. Employees only do this to show you that they are watching you and because they have to. It has nothing to do with being nice.
Do you ever go to the the store and start thinking about all the ads?
Im cuckoo for Coa-Coa Puffs.
A L L Stain Lifer. Thats ALL.
Trust Woolite in your machine.
With a name like Smuckers, it has to be good.
Its sickening isnt it?
I walk down Gracyes favorite aisle. (Cleaning supplies.) I find out that Lysol kills Athletes Foot, Hepatitis A, and Herpes Simplex Virus Types 1 AND 2! It says so right on the can! So the next time youre in the mood, dont reach for a condom. Just spray some Lysol on your Virginia or your Florida and youre good. At least from Herpes. (Virginia=Vagina, Florida=Penis. Got it? OK. Moving on.)
I hate when someone else walks down the aisl at the same time as me or when someone walkes up behind me whle Im looking for somethin. I always feel like Im in the way. I also hate when I cant find something because I always feel like everyone is watching me. (Like people actually care if if I can find the Gold Bond medicated foot powder.) I also hate carrying a list. (Look at him, he cant even remember ten items. What a dumb ass.)
I also get discriminated against. The lady that hands out the free samples never offers me anything. This isnt because Im Black. Its because in real life I look like Im about 19 (at the oldest.) She assumes I just some kid looking for his mother. I also get ignored in the Deli line because of this.
How is it that when I walked in there was no one in line but as soon as Im ready to check out the line turns a mile long. How do they program us like that? Is it the music?
I hate having to have this person I dont know touch my personal items. Now she knows I use Right Guard! Oh no!
I hate when old ladies yell at the bag boys.
You better not smush my bread.
Mam, Im sure hes done this before. Is this your first day Chris?
No.
See. He looks trustworthy.
Well, every time I come in here someone smashes my bread.
Well, if Chris smashes your bread I will gladly buy you another.
She frowns and moves on.
There. I just struck a blow for bag boys everywhere. I feel good about myself until...
Can I see your ID?
Heres the story. i still have a TX drivers license and I dont know the address on my license because Ive never actually lived at that address so I never committed it to memory. (Its my parents Address.) Most cashiers never ask me to recall the address but today I got Gilda. (employee since 1978. 1978! If youre still cashiering after 26 years, its time to hang it up.) I leave beerless. She tells me to go to 7-11.
Thank you Mr. Tillman.
I hate it when they use my name like they know me. I hate going to the same cashier every time because then they get to know me and want to start conversations. They only know me by the type of Fruit Drink I buy and yes... that weirds me out.
Now I have to walk outside and tell the shy little girl with the big eyes holding the box of candy Im sorry love, I dont have any money.
This entry was brought to you by Yoplait.
Save lid's to save lives.
Together we can lick breast
....... cancer. 
Your neurotic friend,
Leeh
This isnt a story so much as it is a collection of random events, a detailing of my neurosis and a bunch of silly musings. Here goes...
Its not so bad now but at one time in my life the grocery store was the scariest place on Earth to me. This Social Anxiety thing is going to eat me alive.
First off, I hate having to tell the little street urchin outside the door that Im not going to buy her girl scout cookies. Im not cheap. Im broke.
It freaks me out when employees greet me at the door. The first time this happened I turned around to see who was behind me. Employees only do this to show you that they are watching you and because they have to. It has nothing to do with being nice.
Do you ever go to the the store and start thinking about all the ads?
Im cuckoo for Coa-Coa Puffs.
A L L Stain Lifer. Thats ALL.
Trust Woolite in your machine.
With a name like Smuckers, it has to be good.
Its sickening isnt it?
I walk down Gracyes favorite aisle. (Cleaning supplies.) I find out that Lysol kills Athletes Foot, Hepatitis A, and Herpes Simplex Virus Types 1 AND 2! It says so right on the can! So the next time youre in the mood, dont reach for a condom. Just spray some Lysol on your Virginia or your Florida and youre good. At least from Herpes. (Virginia=Vagina, Florida=Penis. Got it? OK. Moving on.)
I hate when someone else walks down the aisl at the same time as me or when someone walkes up behind me whle Im looking for somethin. I always feel like Im in the way. I also hate when I cant find something because I always feel like everyone is watching me. (Like people actually care if if I can find the Gold Bond medicated foot powder.) I also hate carrying a list. (Look at him, he cant even remember ten items. What a dumb ass.)
I also get discriminated against. The lady that hands out the free samples never offers me anything. This isnt because Im Black. Its because in real life I look like Im about 19 (at the oldest.) She assumes I just some kid looking for his mother. I also get ignored in the Deli line because of this.
How is it that when I walked in there was no one in line but as soon as Im ready to check out the line turns a mile long. How do they program us like that? Is it the music?
I hate having to have this person I dont know touch my personal items. Now she knows I use Right Guard! Oh no!
I hate when old ladies yell at the bag boys.
You better not smush my bread.
Mam, Im sure hes done this before. Is this your first day Chris?
No.
See. He looks trustworthy.
Well, every time I come in here someone smashes my bread.
Well, if Chris smashes your bread I will gladly buy you another.
She frowns and moves on.
There. I just struck a blow for bag boys everywhere. I feel good about myself until...
Can I see your ID?
Heres the story. i still have a TX drivers license and I dont know the address on my license because Ive never actually lived at that address so I never committed it to memory. (Its my parents Address.) Most cashiers never ask me to recall the address but today I got Gilda. (employee since 1978. 1978! If youre still cashiering after 26 years, its time to hang it up.) I leave beerless. She tells me to go to 7-11.
Thank you Mr. Tillman.
I hate it when they use my name like they know me. I hate going to the same cashier every time because then they get to know me and want to start conversations. They only know me by the type of Fruit Drink I buy and yes... that weirds me out.
Now I have to walk outside and tell the shy little girl with the big eyes holding the box of candy Im sorry love, I dont have any money.
This entry was brought to you by Yoplait.
Save lid's to save lives.
Together we can lick breast
....... cancer.
Your neurotic friend,
Leeh
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
anyway, i hope you cheer up.