Hedonophobia
Im such a punk ass bitch. I hate myself so much right now.
I went to a Beat Society Show last night at the Knitting Factory in LA. Beat Society is a showcase for up and coming producers. Since they were in the West Coast they had to get someone from there to get the home field advantage. Last nights guest was DJ Babu of the World Famous Beat Junkies. Whether you know who that is is irrelevant. Whats important is this:
I was outside the venue before the show. I was practically alone (because who shows up early for a hip hop show.) and who walks out but Babu and DJ Rhettmatic (The other Beat Junky) I say Whats up to him and converse with him for a second and then he turns the corner and leaves. It isnt until hes out of sight that I realize that I had my demo in my fucking back pocket. I completely forgot! (For those of you that dont know I happen to be one of those aspiring emcee's.) I never get star struck. (Me living in the Valley and all.) Not 4 days ago I was complaining because I saw Xzibit coming out of a restaurant and I didnt have any work on me. Now here I am standing in front of DJ fucking Babu with my future in my back pocket and I completely blank out. But this isnt the end of the story. On his way back in I see him again. I call his name (all faint. me being the punk ass bitch I am.) and by the time I look up, hes gone.
This anxiety is crippling. Or maybe Im not cripple at all and Im just using this as a crutch. Either way my face is in my hands.
Everyone I know has my back but I seem to be the one that consistently trips me up. I would cry if I had the ability. (I just found out a few days ago that I was an X-man. My mutant power is that I have the innate ability to destroy everything I touch. Especially if I love it. And seeing as I love you guys so much, you might want to rethink some things.)
Was the show amazing? Yes. Did I hand out promo CDs afterwards? Yes. Will this be my last chance? No. But none this is making me feel any better. Im going to take a shower and try to get some of this punk ass, bitch ass, sissy boy off of me and them Im gonna have a tall glass of get it to fucking gether Ill see if I can talk to some of you later. I dont have the energy to answer your comments from my last entry.
I have diamonds on the inside that no one can see
and the only thing thats hiding them is me
Im such a punk ass bitch. I hate myself so much right now.
I went to a Beat Society Show last night at the Knitting Factory in LA. Beat Society is a showcase for up and coming producers. Since they were in the West Coast they had to get someone from there to get the home field advantage. Last nights guest was DJ Babu of the World Famous Beat Junkies. Whether you know who that is is irrelevant. Whats important is this:
I was outside the venue before the show. I was practically alone (because who shows up early for a hip hop show.) and who walks out but Babu and DJ Rhettmatic (The other Beat Junky) I say Whats up to him and converse with him for a second and then he turns the corner and leaves. It isnt until hes out of sight that I realize that I had my demo in my fucking back pocket. I completely forgot! (For those of you that dont know I happen to be one of those aspiring emcee's.) I never get star struck. (Me living in the Valley and all.) Not 4 days ago I was complaining because I saw Xzibit coming out of a restaurant and I didnt have any work on me. Now here I am standing in front of DJ fucking Babu with my future in my back pocket and I completely blank out. But this isnt the end of the story. On his way back in I see him again. I call his name (all faint. me being the punk ass bitch I am.) and by the time I look up, hes gone.
This anxiety is crippling. Or maybe Im not cripple at all and Im just using this as a crutch. Either way my face is in my hands.
Everyone I know has my back but I seem to be the one that consistently trips me up. I would cry if I had the ability. (I just found out a few days ago that I was an X-man. My mutant power is that I have the innate ability to destroy everything I touch. Especially if I love it. And seeing as I love you guys so much, you might want to rethink some things.)
Was the show amazing? Yes. Did I hand out promo CDs afterwards? Yes. Will this be my last chance? No. But none this is making me feel any better. Im going to take a shower and try to get some of this punk ass, bitch ass, sissy boy off of me and them Im gonna have a tall glass of get it to fucking gether Ill see if I can talk to some of you later. I dont have the energy to answer your comments from my last entry.
I have diamonds on the inside that no one can see
and the only thing thats hiding them is me
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
jill:
are you doing ok?
wendy:
i miss leeh tonight. where is he.