the true measure of power
when i close my eyes
and concentrate
i can feel my pulse
it first starts with the
blood pounding in
my head
right behind the ears
then
in my temples
my pulse
my heartbeat
be bump be bump be bump
it's strong and i can hear the blood flowing
then it stops
it actually stops
everything
the attempt to feel is there, but there's nothing
empty
silent
maybe it's more of a skip
in the beat
i don't know if it's a complete
stop or just such a light beat
that i can't perceive it
it startled me for a second
be bump be bump be bump
and the pulse starts again
I have played with this for a long time now
I sit and breathe evenly
i concentrate
my pulse
the beating
it stops again
i open my eyes and it feels
like how some people
describe being scared
witless
short of breath and shaky
that was when i was 10
years old
today i concentrate again
i slow my breathing
i focus
i focus so intently
that i start to see
images on the back
of my eyelids
blue circles that are spinning
and floating
around and around in a sea
of black
the blue isn't a complete circle
there are bars of black
that run through the blue
the image is akin to
standing in the bottom of a well
and looking up
you see only the sky but through a
grate of sorts
the circles are spinning
slower and slower
they match my pulse
my breathing
and they get even slower
along with my breathing
my pulse is starting to pound
loudly in my head
but it's slower
be bump be bump
be bump be bump
be bump be bump
be bump
i snap out of it
i am gasping for air
i stopped breathing
my pulse was gone
it feels like my heart
has stopped beating
and i stopped breathing
and i died
i died
i can do this all the time now
at a whim
I have the power to do this
so why can't i just make this aching
go away
because i am powerless