ikon

So I finally kicked the habit.
Kicked it to the curb, and I am feeling almost like my old self again.
It was such a burden to finally have lifted off of my shoulders.
It's a funny thing, how I never understood the term "monkey on your back"
until AFTER I broke the life sucking choke hold that my addiction had over me.
Never again...
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atm0

If I remember correctly, this was how you turned
a computers sound off when in DOS mode
back in the day before Windows.

That always stuck with me. I even wanted to draw
a comic character once that had that as a tattoo on
their forehead. I don't know why I have thought
about it again after so long.
I think it's because I...
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something, anything, everything



The things I notice, I think, are the things others
might take for granted
like the world as it holds it collective breath
the stale hot breath of daily life,
watching it wait for something, anything, everything

i feel that breath on my neck
when i'm at work.
driving to the store
when i'm paying my bills
on the roof looking at...
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Rollerball


I haven't seen this movie since like 1980, and I had
forgotten how delightfully brutal is was. I need this
on DVD.
Right now, James Caan is looking at his best friend
laying on a hospital bed. The guy is in a vegetative
state after taking a blow to the back of the head
from a spiked glove during a match. The scene itself...
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life of the party (a social observation)

black hair that is spiky
black hair that is moppy
black hair that is dirty
black hair
everyone has black hair tonight
well, except that chic
she has bad bleach blond hair with
obnoxious black roots
nice figure
maybe she has a nice smile too
but I can't tell at the moment
she won't take her drink out...
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everything happens for a reason

everything happens for a reason

i used to think it was the battle cry of every loser on the planet

if you didn't have control over what happens in your life than you were a loser

sadly enough, i have come to realize that i have 0 control over
my life

perfect example (or not)

this fucking blog

i won't...
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never in a million years



I used to have the biggest crush on her

worse than the schoolboy type

that crush you keep at a distance

everyone knows about it

it's as obvious as the Sunday headlines

but you never suspect that they suspect.

you're never really as clever as you seem

not at all

transparently clear to all but

you

life in denial is...
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the last time was the first time



loud as fuck tonight

the band was decent

too loud

lead looks like Art G.

sounds like whomever

my friend and i

are yelling at each other

to each other

about no one

and everyone

loud as fuck

I can't hear her

I make up the words

as she goes along

maybe she said sex

maybe she said...
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cerulean hearts relive imaginary scenes through erstwhile lives


I am feeling more and more that my
life is about to change in a big way.
Not sure if it's going to be for the
better or for the worse, but change
is going to happen for sure.
Will it be months, or days?
Do I really want to know?
Something happened recently that has me...
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for what I am




am i seen for what i am
i'm not a user
that's just my facade
i push as far as i can go
until it's over

i'm not a bad guy
but i do bad things
i don't have addictions
except for the obvious one
her
but is that an obsession
or insane fucking thoughts
she can't live with me
and...
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