So this will be a bit of a rant, something that has been said many a time before and will be said many a time anon, but rarely by me because I tend to keep most of my rants to myself. Nearly a decade in the Army has taught me to shut up and color, as so many in this unit put it, that I apply that even when maybe I shouldn't.
I was looking at my feed last night and saw a picture posted by @arcanine in which she called out a poster for commenting that he wanted to have sex with the model in the picture. Doesn't matter whose picture it was. Doesn't matter the gender of the individual who posted the comment. (It was her, by the way, but that is still irrelevant.) Simply put, the poster was wrong and probably doesn't even realize they are wrong.
What is wrong with wanting to have sex with a beautiful person? Nothing. Nothing is wrong with wanting something that many deem desirable, sex with someone they define as attractive. What is not acceptable is reducing a person to an item.
Some might tell me that looking at porn is wrong. Some might tell me that looking at pictures of naked women is wrong. Hell, my grandmother probably still believes that Dungeons and Dragons is a gateway to demon summoning. I wish I were kidding about that. What is the point? The point is that when I look at porn, I am not thinking that "Man, it would sure be nice to be that guy fucking that girl." Maybe I'm weird in that regard. Porn gets me hard, I jerk off, end of story. I don't even do it that much anymore. When I look at pictures of Suicide Girls or cosplayers that I find attractive, I'm not imagining having sex with them, even if I do find them titillating or arousing. I am thinking "That is an attractive lady in that picture."
What's the difference? I am viewing an object which portrays a visual of a woman, not viewing a woman as an object.
Some people like sex. Some people do not. Some are comfortable letting other people see their bodies. Some are not. Some people are scared of having sex, some people are scared of NOT having sex. I have met many people of many different persuasions over the years. People in general, women in specific, come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, colors, styles, personas, religions, and sexualities. If I see a picture of a woman on the internet or I pass a woman in my daily routine, I do not thing "Hey, I want to have sex with her" without a thought as to what she might think. For all I know, she may not find me attractive, or she might find the idea of sex repulsive, or maybe she just isn't in to sex with a random guy who is walking by. It could also be the other way around. Maybe she's attracted to me. Maybe all she can think of is to jump my bones in the nearest secluded area.
And I'm not comfortable with that.
Wait, what? A guy who doesn't want to have a bunch of meaningless, random sex? Yeah, they exist, if only because I am one. I want a relationship, and sex would be nice, but isn't necessary. "But you look at porn and stuff." So? That isn't about sex. Porn is as accurate a depiction of sex as Die Hard is an accurate depiction of what happens when terrorists take over a skyscraper. I'm not really comfortable with sex in reality. I'm the sort that hates being out of their comfort zone without a guide book and a step by step process of how to accomplish what I need to do, and sex is so far out of my comfort zone that you need to take a plane to reach it. It's on my mind a lot, but talking about it with people, or meeting people for the purpose of it are some things that make dealing with Sergeants Major with a bone to pick with me and me in particular a cakewalk in comparison.
I have had sex. I have even had a one night stand. I haven't really figured out what I'm actually in to in sex and what I'm not really in to, because I don't have a whole mess of experience, though I have more than some people. What I do know is that I am not the sort to be in something just for sex, and reducing a person to an item for me to get off to is cruel.
Do I look at pictures of naked women? Yes. Do I think that I might enjoy sex with them? That would be entirely up to the circumstances that we found ourselves in if we ever met. It matters to me if we don't hate each other's personalities. It matters to me if either of us is in a relationship at the time.
It matters to me if they want it, and I want it as well.
THAT is the difference between "I wanna bang that" and something acceptable. "I wanna bang that" says several things. 1) I have no regard for whether you want it or not. 2) I do not care about you, you are here for MY pleasure. 3) You aren't a person. You aren't even alive. You are a thing.
So men, and I say men because men are the more frequent offenders in this regard, remember this when you go through your day.
1) Begging forgiveness rather than asking permission does not apply to sex or the like.
2) If you say she was asking for it, the words "Have _______ with me" had better have come out of her mouth, and that blank had better be filled with what you did.
3) Location, dress, and behavior are not substitutions for permission.
4) People always have a right to say no at any point in time. You have a responsibility to respect that, even if you aren't done yet.
5) At no point does buying her something (dinner, a movie, a car, whatever) require her to reciprocate with sexual favors.
And most importantly
6) They are fucking people too, you shithead. Treat them like you want to be treated. And before you go thinking "But I want random attractive people to randomly jump my bones," consider that you might not be attractive to them, so include people you don't find attractive. Imagine...say, a big, burly body builder deciding he wants your ass, and you don't have a say in the matter, and then consider whether or not you are being the same way as that imaginary muscle man.