I have a new number one fear. I’m afraid of schizophrenia or any other form of psychosis that results in visual and/or auditory hallucinations. Let me tell you how this came to be the case. There’s this video game that came out recently.
It’s called Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice.
I’d wanted to play it ever since I heard about. The goal of the developer, Ninja Theory, was to break the stigma surrounding psychosis. They will certainly accomplish that. In the article that I read about it, the director - or whoever the author interviewed - made sure to stress that the game is not meant to be fun. Knowing that, I still wanted to play it. But, I had not realized going into this experience how much I would come to understand.
Let me tell you a little bit about the experience. Story spoilers are not necessary here. The main character, Senua, suffers from some form of psychosis, resulting in visual and auditory hallucinations and you follow her on a quest. While following her, you see things from her perspective. But, her perspective is flawed because of her psychosis. Nothing that you see in the game is real. The only thing that is real is the vague landscape. Every enemy is seen as supernatural only because SHE sees them as supernatural. (According to the article that I read, the enemies are, in fact, vikings.)
At the beginning of the game, the creators suggest that you use headphones. Please do so. It changes the experience dramatically. Because then you experience not just her visual hallucinations, but her auditory ones, as well. The voices are almost constant. I found myself telling them to shut up and thanking a god that I don’t believe in when they did. Sometimes they’re helpful. In battle, they tell you when to dodge an attack from behind. Some of them will even tell you stories. But sometimes they taunt you. They talk about you as if you aren’t there. They tell you you’re stupid and worthless. They lie to you and make you think something horrible is going to happen to you. And you believe them at first, because they’ve been helpful in the past. But now they’ve lied to you a couple of times, so you don’t know when you should trust them and when you shouldn’t. It’s maddening.
I would classify the game as being from the horror/survival genre. But it’s not your standard horror game. It’s scary because the things they show you actually happen to people. They did research. Got advice from psychologists and patients, alike. The puzzles are things that someone might have to complete in the real world. Finding symbols to just so you can continue on with your life is, apparently, very common. (Play the game and you’ll know what I’m talking about.)
And, so, the idea that this could theoretically happen to me - that I could experience this - is horrifying. But, I know that I would not be alone through the struggle. Others are not so lucky. Nobody should have to experience psychosis alone and too many do. Or feel like they have to. Or feel like no one can understand it. As a result, they don’t even try. Therefore, to anyone that has a loved one that suffers from psychosis, I highly suggest that you play this game. It will open your eyes and give you a new perspective.
Good luck. I wish you luck in finding your way to the light.
