What a strange week.
Thursday - kids with coke high smiles mixed tentatively with us inverts to see the rope tricks performed with such ease. But in the end they're attention spans can't focus on the precision. They're energy and experience not understanding the sublties of restraint pleasures Rather than making me sad like they usually do. I was amused by their energy and fun. They didn't get in anyone's way like they usually do or start fights like they usually do, They were just having a good time and putting on a good show. Especially when that one in the dreads got whipped. I wish I had pictures but it was public and people's deserve tey're privacy.
Friday - I was opened in a mix of love and dominance. Once again, restraint always comes into play. but oddly I was emotionally open. Then she was off to SF again, which is good because somethings aren't meant to be.
Saturday. I recovered from the openness of actually letting myself be emotionally involved and stumbled across a letter that must have been 3 years old that I had never read in a book. It was from the ex I hate -- The only ex I hate. Suffice to say that if I had read it when it was written, the 1 1/2 years which followed it would not have happened. Life would very possibly have been better.
I've spent my time just reorienting myself to emotion again. And while I was rediscovering my emotions and retracing the past, two of my fiiends stumbled into relationships. One very naturally, happy and excited to tell all. The other, withdrawing from me more. It says a lot about each of them. For one, I am a friend. For the other, I am a crutch. Her friendship and love are always based on need. But she's just discovering herself anyway. I suppose I'll have to pick up the pieces when she comes crumbling down. And I suppose I'll be expected to put up with her tantrum like stubbornness as she fails to get me to validate her lies and faults. THere are some friendships I call into question. She is one of them.
Hopefully, I'll be out of this cold place by the next time my friendship is called into action.
Thursday - kids with coke high smiles mixed tentatively with us inverts to see the rope tricks performed with such ease. But in the end they're attention spans can't focus on the precision. They're energy and experience not understanding the sublties of restraint pleasures Rather than making me sad like they usually do. I was amused by their energy and fun. They didn't get in anyone's way like they usually do or start fights like they usually do, They were just having a good time and putting on a good show. Especially when that one in the dreads got whipped. I wish I had pictures but it was public and people's deserve tey're privacy.
Friday - I was opened in a mix of love and dominance. Once again, restraint always comes into play. but oddly I was emotionally open. Then she was off to SF again, which is good because somethings aren't meant to be.
Saturday. I recovered from the openness of actually letting myself be emotionally involved and stumbled across a letter that must have been 3 years old that I had never read in a book. It was from the ex I hate -- The only ex I hate. Suffice to say that if I had read it when it was written, the 1 1/2 years which followed it would not have happened. Life would very possibly have been better.
I've spent my time just reorienting myself to emotion again. And while I was rediscovering my emotions and retracing the past, two of my fiiends stumbled into relationships. One very naturally, happy and excited to tell all. The other, withdrawing from me more. It says a lot about each of them. For one, I am a friend. For the other, I am a crutch. Her friendship and love are always based on need. But she's just discovering herself anyway. I suppose I'll have to pick up the pieces when she comes crumbling down. And I suppose I'll be expected to put up with her tantrum like stubbornness as she fails to get me to validate her lies and faults. THere are some friendships I call into question. She is one of them.
Hopefully, I'll be out of this cold place by the next time my friendship is called into action.