idontknowme

I seriously need to get something off my chest that's been building up for such a long time now. Approx. 6 months to say. Let's see how can I start this...well, I dated this girl, fuck it, I'll give her name, Betty. We randomly hung out here and there for a few years, highly random hang outs. Then one day in January 2007 we actually hung out. Everything went great, I could list off every single thing we did, but that's way too much to go through right now. Well, there was a moment where it was like that "I think I might fall in lvoe with this person" moments, which later one in months to come after we start dating she tells me she had that exact same moment, but back to the timeline I was at. So we start hanging out way more often, like once, twice even three times a week. Hell I'd spend nights with her. Well, over time, probably a month, feelings grew for her and i finally got the guts to ask her out, well apperantly she had a boyfriend that I didn't even know. And i'm one of those people if stuck in a situation like that just needs a day to regroup and accept a thing like that. Well, she didn't want that and she praticly fought to still talk to me. And me being too dumb and kind gave in and acted like nothing happend. And well, me being whatever i am wanted to meet her boyfriend, my only excuse was that she's my bestfriend and who wouldn't want to meet their bestfriend's boyfriend., who I never did get to meet. Well then over time, I ended up leaving my place and moving in with her for a bit. Unfortunitly it got uncomforable with her and her boyfriend and all this crazy shit (before i moved in with her she ended up cheating on her boyfriend with me, NOTE: alcohol was involved). SO i ended up moving back to my old place. This whole moving thing was around March 2007. Everythign was fine again and over time she helped me get my "own" appartment, which was around April 2007. Now we're constantly hanging out because i lvie like an hour walking distance from her place, and ontop of that i worked with her now. Well sometime in June we ended up started to do stuff again, NOTE: alcohol was once again involved. She said she had a boyfriend and i acknowledge it and we stopped. The day after, my roommate's sister and i were drinking cuz we had a little bash, for no reason at all, everyone left except her and i and i was texting betty the entire time cause she was at another party aswell. So me being the honest retarded person i am text her saying that i'm with my roomate's sister, well don't tel her she's my roommate's sister, just a girl cause i officially met her that day. Well I ended up goin to another room with her, leaving my cell behind and we ended up having sex and whatnot. Well, when i got back to the room where my cellw as there was a shitload of texts from betty saying "you better not be fucking that slut!" and allt aht angry aggressive stuff liek we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Well then flash forward to about July/August of that year i find out, somehow, that her boyfriend and her broke up months ago, before that last insident even happend! so right there she's already lyign to my face, but for some stupid reason i still look past her and still love her. Well i ended up losing my job and a week later i ask her out, she finally says yes, after nearly 7 fucking months of trying to be with her she finally says yes! im thrilled out of my damn mind, it was such a serrial moment. Well now, we're officially dating. Everything is goin amazing, im praticly living with her again and we see each other all the time, well me being unemployed and all made it easier. Well I ended up gettin another job on the last day of november of that year, she was thrilled for me. Now in December eveything jsut kinda stopped, i was putting so much effort into seeing her and she wasn't. We say each other like maybe an hour a day, half the time an hour a week. It totally sucked, i wanted to quite my job just so i could see her more. For christmas i wanted to get her something she really wanted and go all out on it, so I got her a hairstraightener (not sure if thats spelt right) cause she always wanted a decent one, well i went out and got ehr the most expensive and best one i coud l find. Well, fast forward a bit to new years, i ended up gettin a stress ulcer over our relationship and everything, plus i suffer from obsessive anxiety and chronic depression and i went off my meds as soon as we started dating cuz i wanted to overcome it for her. Well my ulcer went awall and i started puking up blood and shit. I went to the hospital and she stayed at that dumbass party and got drunk while iw as in the hospital, I went to the party for her and i ended up nearly dying with no one around me that i knew. Well flashforward a bit more, to Febuary 2008, since that December everything became secretive between us. She would bitch and complain to me about what im doing and not realize its the same thign she's doing or whatever. We'd make promises and she'd always break them when i always stuck with them, no matter how old they were. But in March, we made plans to go to the movies and everyhting and then 2 days before that she shows up to my work and says to me that she has to change them, i ask her why and she dosnt say right away, adventually she says she made plans with a few friends. Well i take it harsh. She then askes me if i cared, and its obvious im going to say "no, its ok" but really i care a shit load. Well I text her later saying that i'm tired of bein the one trying to see her and tryin to keep the relationship strong, and it ends up becoming a huge fucking argument (which i extremley hate arguments, why argue when you can resolve something in a calm way?) and she breaks up with me. Well we still hang out as friends, i'm trying as hard as i can to get her back. On Valentines day i went all out, got her a rose, a stuff cat that looks exactly like her one cat, a book and took her out for dinner and a movie. Then a week later i spent the entire day at her palce making dinner for her while she was gone, and that ended in a huge argument again. And then i took her to Toronto, cause I promised her id take her to a weekend in Toronto and it would be all on me, ever since we started dating I promised her that. And we did, and we ended up getting back together, whcih actually was her call not mine. I was jsut thrilled that we were back together. well a month later we spent a weekend in Niagara Falls, doing everything I promised her id take her there to do. Then two weeks later, a week after i dropped her off at her place kissed her told her i loved her and she said i love you back. She texts me, asking me what I'm up to. I ahvnt heard from her in a week so im thrilled to hear from her and text back saying "nothing, relaxing. What are you doing?" I wanted to see if she wasnt busy so we could go to the movies or something. She dosn't text me back, 2 hours later she shows up at my door, i answer, thrilled to see her. She has a smile on my face and we talk like normale. She then says "i ahve some goodnews, well kinda badnews" i ask her what it is thinking she might say she's pregnant. She says to me "i think we should jsut be friends" i shut down, adn she tries to hug me but i pulled away. I was in total shock. I wanted to end things in a high note, so before she left i grabbed her and hugged her and told her i lvoe ehr and i aslo said id always be here for her and ill always want to be with her no matter what. Well not even 5 days later she starts dating some other guy and im finding out that she cheated on me with him. It's been 5 or 6 months now and I still think of her, i sitll have strong feelings for her and can't get my mind around her. I remember absolutley everythign we've been through good and bad. Every word exchanged between once. Every moment. It's all jammed in my mind. I miss her and I wish things could have been different. But i know it won't be and I have to accept it and move on.

To quickly change things on a higher note, NEW PIC! jsut because my dilly looked naked and blah without one. and sorry if the blog is one HUGE paragraph with a shit load of spelling errors and run-on scentences. I'm jsut all over the place right now.

Farewell for now,
Will.