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Humour is contained below.
This is in place of a regular journal entry because the nerve that controls my creative writing skill was severed in a horrendous dune-buggy accident.

So to you.

WRATH

1. Who did you last get angry with?

The interviewer for my last job. I was very tempted to staple his face to the wall.

2. What is your weapon of choice?:

-Wit and Sarcasm. Failing those, a rusty screwdriver (Phillips-head type).

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?

-No, but I'd slap the bitch silly.

4. How about of the same sex?:

-I would prefer not to.

5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?

-A girl I knew. I didn't return her affection, nice as she was she was not my type. So she went batshit insane and accused me or various vile deeds most of which cannot be reprinted due to obcentiy laws. Boy, that was a fun weekend.

6. What is your pet peeve?:

-False people. They piss me off. Or people who snipe and bitch about someone behind their backs, then act all nice and friendly to them later.

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?:

-Depends on what you've done to me. C'mon, spill it..what is it?! If it's nothing major, then I let things go easy enough after a while.

SLOTH

1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?

-Get a life.

2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?:

-5-6pm in regular enough circumstances. Slept 27hours while sick once.

3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but havent?

-If by 'contact' you mean hunt down and kill, then it's Mr. BMW driver. Mainly to avenge the death of my pet squirrel 'Nutter'. Run down in his prime. *sniff*

4. What is the last lame excuse you made?:

-I can't go out for a pint tonight cause I'm on fire. Sorry.

5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?:

-Do those things ever actually end? No I don't think I have.

6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?:

-I fought off a pack of ravenous chipmunks the other week.
Apart from that I get in some sit-ups, pull-ups and
push-up's every 2-3 days. Works better than the sit-down, pull-down and push-off workout let me tell you.

7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?:


-3. I can never set the alarm early as I am usually unable to get out of bed until I very well have to.

GLUTTONY

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?:

-Such a thing exists?! Oh you city folk...with your sinful ways...water is the only pure beverage.

2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?:

-Both. On a big stick. So I can lure out the fresher meat that is live bears from their dens.

3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?:

-I think it was 8-9 pints of beer, 4 shots of sambucca, 2 shots of JD and some cocktail crap...that's from what I can piece together fomr the non-blackout parts left in my memory. It was when I was younger, stupider and had my good judgement plucked from me by alcomahol and a girl named Rachel. My companion that night was actually the toilet.
As cold as it was, the porcelain was still warmer than Rachel, the ice queen.

4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?:

-No, but when I was younger I would have used a professional weight gain company. Only now am I reasonably satisfied that I'm not quite that skinny.

5. Do you have an issue with your weight?:

I always felt too skinny. I was too skinny for years. Girls told me they didnt like it. I was weak & thin. So I tried my damndest to get strong, gain weight and not be so skinny. Girls then told me they didnt like that either.

Turns out they just didn't like me. *Grumble*

6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?:

Spicy, I love. It hates me.
Sweets, not really. They remain a rarity.
Salty, used to, these days I notice how shit too much salt makes me feel.

7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?:

No, I have looked at a row of fruit eating bats and thought "Mmm braised bat-endive entre" however.

PICTURE BREAK



LUST

1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?:

I would assume this means real life and not internet/porn/tv/disturbing camp trips. So..umm...15 or so maybe.

No-one I know is keen on naturism really.

2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?:

Umm...hmm...23. That number is taken from the admission statistics of the "Sudden Panic Blindness" ward of the local hospital.

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?:

Yes, however if you're next question is "and thought "lunch" " then I refuse to answer on the grounds it may incriminate me.

4. Have you had sex?:

No, I've only read about it in books. Is it good? It sounds good. Apart from the branding irons and nipple clamps.

Perhaps I may be reading the wrong sort of books.

5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?:

The female belly region is my particular favourite. Oh the subtle curves, dips and lines bewitch my soul. And its somewhere to put my beer while I'm scratching myself.

6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?:

Yes actually. It is recounted by all my friends on most nights out. It was in Prague, on the main street in Wenceslas Square. This middle aged woman who looked disturbingly like Annie Lennox in a tight mini, feather boa and pirate boots in -9 weather, smiled at me and said "sezxh?".
I guess language is no barrier to the oldest profession.

7. Have you ever gotten tested for an STD or pregnancy?:

I have tested myself for pregnancy on nine seperate occasions, so far I've been lucky.

GREED

1. How many credit cards do you own?:

-One, they sucked me in with promises of internet purchases...oh those sirens and their alluring ways.

2. What's your guilty pleasure store?:

By odd coincidence it's "Ray's Guilty Pleasure Store".

3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?

Have it all changed into 1 coins, and rain them down from a large blimp on an unsuspecting city. Then see if the money covers the obscene carnage and damage caused.

4. Would you rather be rich, or famous?:

Rich. Famous means you can't walk bollock naked out onto the balcony of your fabulous Tuscan villa on a warm summer morning.

5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?:

No, mainly as the last thin strands of my sanity would never take the strain. I'd be coming into work dressed as a cowboy and fellating the water cooler within a month.

6. Have you ever stolen anything?:

Yes, I recently wanted to get a postcard of that painting 'The Scream' for a girl I knew, however the gallery was charging 4.50 a postcard, and I only had 3.47, so I decided to steal it instead. Then my conscience panged me, so I decided that if I was going to do it, I better do it right. So I ran up, grabbed the real painting instead and ran off with it.

Needless to say when there were questions asked when the painting turned up in the local post office, with "24 Oakwood Drive" scrawled in black marker on the back and a 45c stamp on the front.
Turns out the girl didn't even like that painting to begin with.

7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?:

1,764 at the moment. All of which I can assure you are legally obtained...*snicker*

PRIDE

1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of?:

I'm not proud of much of what I've done. Not that I have nothing to be proud of, it's just I'm not that type of person perhaps...(the real truth is I'm very proud of my ability to sit around in my underware all day and pretend to be a reasonable nice and funny young Irish man, when infact I'm an excessivly hairy 42 year old unemployed Turkish sewage worker)

2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?

Not turning out gay.

3. What thing would you like to accomplish later in your life?:

To build a house, a large house, a modern large house with plenty of nice glass, stone and timber. All arranged in such a fantasticly astethic way that nobody notices the concealed nuclear fallout shelter beneath which contains my most hideous of experiments.

4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?:

If we're not talking sex here, then no, not really. Winning is all well and good, but it usually has drawbacks like people wanting to be around you, bug you, congratulate you. Coming in second means you can sneak off to the buffet table quicker.

5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?:

How boring would that be.

6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?:

To prevent serious repercussions in school I did, if I recall. Nowadays, no.

7. What did you do today that you're proud of?:

Made a pretty girl laugh. *sigh*
That or buttoning my pants all by myself!

ENVY

1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?:

None, my friends taste sucks and I'm not a hoarder of possessions or things anyway.

2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces":

What the hell is that? Just for effect I'll say Chewbacca. If my hunch is correct and it's some stupid home decor show, then he'll be at the least entertaining.

3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?:

I don't think I'd be anyone else, most people suck, and the ones that don't..well if I became them, then they'd be gone and what's the point in that?!

4. Have you ever been cheated on?:

Oh yeah. It's tremendous fun, I reccomend it to everyone

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?:

Every day of my life when I was a kid. Now, no. I'm me, anything different wouldn't be me.

6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?:

The ability to melt nylon with the power of my mind...or is that just my friends that can do that?

7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey?:

Hell no, I wouldn't want the retribution from people wanting 30 mins of their lives back.






Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin?:

Is eating babies a deadly sin?