iceman99

I usually don't unload my feelings in blogs like this but today I am going to do something completely unortodox for me. As of Sunday night, I became single again. There's both good and bad to this conclusion. I was dating a wonderful girl who had many impeccable traits that are very hard to find. Overall though, I couldn't find myself completely happy with her to the point that we were going. We had been dating for 1 year and 4 months. She wants to settle down and start a family by the time she turns 30 because of a woman's body clock. I say... it is the 21st century! What's the rush? OF course, I am a guy so it is hard for me to sympathize with her feelings on the matter. Anywho, it came to a point in the relationship where I just felt torn. One side of me was humble and happy to have love/ companionship in my life. The other part of me was scared and judgemental for all the things that keep her from being perfect. I couldn't handle staying in a relationship feeling that way, how could anyone? Over the past few months, I had been irritable around her because I was so mad at myself for not being able to be openly honest with her about my feelings. I didn't want to hurt her so I tried to buckle through the emotions I was feeling inside and trick myself into believing that I was happy. Now I am confused? What is it that I want or need? I kept wanting someone that would be an activity partner, have intelligent conversations with me, or just be able to challenge me through humor or more. That's what drove me away, my ambition for more. I'm 25, almost 26, I do not know what I want for a lifelong partner. Furthermore, when I do decide to walk down the aisle with someone, it better be THE someone and I need to be sure of it. I think I made the right decision. I just wish I could burst an "S" out of my chest like my picture and not feel lost, lonely, or even a tad depressed. That's life though, anytime you break up with someone that you truly cared about, it is never easy.