icarustar

They say that LA men are never looking for relationships, that they don't want to commit. I had fought against becoming an "LA man," but...whether it's being here, or just where I am in life right now....I've decided that I don't want to be tied down.

I just want to experience new people, new things, be completely free to get to know a variety of girls, be spontaneous, be selfish. I don't want to be tied down. I'm not into one night stands or brief sexual relationships, so I'm usually in a committed relationship if I'm having sex. But even so, I've gotten to the point where I feel like I can forgo sex for a while and just enjoy meeting and getting to know as many women as possible, without being tied to one. Damn, reading this surprises me, I sound like a dick. haha Sex seems to fuck things up for me, makes things too serious and too committed too quickly. It's a lot more hassle than it's worth sometimes.

I told her I wanted to be free this summer to experience anything and see anybody. We're not even "dating" right now, (we were earlier this semester though) and she was wondering where it'd go, if there was future. I want to date her when I get back in the fall, but I'm not ready to commit right now. She's mad now and says it's probably over, but I think she'll come around. For the second time in my life I've said these exact words "It's not over. Goodbye," both times I was not really sure that it wasn't over. Both times really just trying to reassure myself. The first time I was in control, now she is...the first time Michelle wasn't ready for a commitment with me, now I'm not ready for a commitment with Mari. Strange how the tables turn. cycles and such.

Really should be studying instead of playing diplomat, struggling between being truthful to my heart and generating bad publicity....it's a tough balance, my head grows heavy, my eyes wander.

I wish they'd make some better veggie bacon, I want a fucking veggie bacon cheeseburger! Damn those commercials.

eat my fear