What a waste of a weekend.
Took a few days extra off (I'm off Thursday and Friday, took off Saturday and Sunday as well) because last month The Drama Queen asked me to, wanting to do something this Halloween since I missed it last year.
If I wanted to be bored on the couch without even sexual compensation, I'd have stayed home. I wish I had-it'd have been cheaper.
Thursday and Friday I try to get drunk. I simply don't have the taste/tolerance that I used to-I never got to DRUNK, merely "inebriated", after a bottle of Jack and a few shots of this-n-that. Not sure if I made the sex or not, so thats drunk enough for me I suppose.
Saturday finally rolls around and we're to attend a screening of Rocky Horror, for which I shall go full drag I decide...wander around for almost an hour, wondering why everyone is late, there's only a few people that she knows, etc....THEN she decides to call and check on it (which she promised me she ha). OH. It was YESTERDAY. Great.
Halloween night...hoorah. Not much of a social person anyway. I dont know anyone in this goddamned town, she's hanging with her coworkers talking about-imagine, the SAME thing they always talk about-who's not doing what at the job. Not only do I dislike them, I dont care for the topic. Ever. Throw in a mix of "Kevin has no money left to buy drinks with", and "his cow costume doesnt allow for his glasses so he's blind" and my favorite ingrediant:"stand around and try not to look at her and the new 'notboyfriend' of the week as they snog, pretending that they're not". Came home and crashed, all the while she tried to argue into "What did YOU want to do?" Fuck your stepsister, really, but I dont see you being into that.
The cow costume:cow suit, crown of thorns, bottle of milk and hamburger. "EAT MY BURGER, FOR IT IS MY FLESH; AND DRINK MY MILK, FOR IT IS MY BLOOD!"
First time I've NOT done drag for Halloween in....ages. Halloween simply doesnt hold the appeal for me it used to-I'm in a tiny town where I know noone, and everyone is with "their" group anyhow. I'm with her (last year as boyfriend, this year as uncomfortable ex), and leaving/staying with her-which kills my traditional purpose for Halloween:cheap thrills of the lusty variety. In the teen years, it was about getting in a dress and BAM-instant girl magnet. I cant do that around here, and I dont have the social tolerance anymore.
So I sat-watched a "buddy" and his band play, and realized how much I hate loving live music-*I* should be on stage, but alas-it's a bit late to try picking up an instrument. Sure, I COULD learn-in time for me to be mediocre, aging, not innovative (as everything is being done now)....
Ignorance is bliss, children. 22. I'm TWENTY TWO and I cant do anything in my life now without a ridiculous uphill battle. Had I NOT thought about what I wanted in life-if I'd just done the drone duty, study pick a profession go to school get my job-I wouldnt be here. This sort of thing would just be on the side. Instead, I wanted to be CREATIVE...and without opportunity, all I'm left with is the bitter craving to DO, but I have no inspiration left to push me into developing a talent I had no opportunity to invest in.
BUT she cant understand that-in her drone duty world, it was easy to drill in "pick what you want to do with your life and do it!" Yea. FUCK YOU. You dont CHOOSE what you want and simply DO it. Especially something collaborative, something CREATED, not a JOB you are ASSIGNED. "Oh, I'd have supported you!" Yea...but not financially. Dont want to take the risk, make an investment, you'll only "support" me with kind words-oh, but you'll happily share the profits with me!
Even if I did just DECIDE to do something with life-I'm no longer a resident of ANY state. IF I got into a college, I'd pay outrageously higher fees, and have to juggle a ridiculous schedule to spend the next years after paying it off....
If I'd died on my floor, or that hospital bed a year ago...it'd have been the perfect death. Completely accidental, during a period of possibility, it'd almost have been "tragic" to have died at a point when things looked like they were turning to my dreams. Now it'd just be a pathetic way to blow out a flickering candle.
Little sister...had it all and blew it. Why....WHY do the people who don't appreciate what they're HANDED always blow it!? Even if I DID want to be a drone, I couldnt have complained about her setup:college, living expenses, groceries, car/gas/insurance/mods all paid for, with an allowance too, AND growing up being allowed to have hobbies (whos costs not only knew no bounds, but were never taken responsibly or seriously).
Makes me think of a Futurama episode, with Bender and Dr Zoidberg sitting. Bender dejectedly says "Aww, now my dreams are over, before they ever even began!" "Welcome to my world!" cries Dr Zoidberg, as we bursts into tears.
I dont even care about getting my rocks off at this point, I'm so out of practice with it all...not that I have the ambition to even walk across the street to a club and hit on some drunken skank.
My apologies to the, what, TWO of you who might skim through this-it's been a rough weekend beyond the ability of words to describe, and is simply too deeply rooted for me to take the time to explain.
Yes, dear-though I was with you and others, I was still alone.
Took a few days extra off (I'm off Thursday and Friday, took off Saturday and Sunday as well) because last month The Drama Queen asked me to, wanting to do something this Halloween since I missed it last year.
If I wanted to be bored on the couch without even sexual compensation, I'd have stayed home. I wish I had-it'd have been cheaper.
Thursday and Friday I try to get drunk. I simply don't have the taste/tolerance that I used to-I never got to DRUNK, merely "inebriated", after a bottle of Jack and a few shots of this-n-that. Not sure if I made the sex or not, so thats drunk enough for me I suppose.
Saturday finally rolls around and we're to attend a screening of Rocky Horror, for which I shall go full drag I decide...wander around for almost an hour, wondering why everyone is late, there's only a few people that she knows, etc....THEN she decides to call and check on it (which she promised me she ha). OH. It was YESTERDAY. Great.
Halloween night...hoorah. Not much of a social person anyway. I dont know anyone in this goddamned town, she's hanging with her coworkers talking about-imagine, the SAME thing they always talk about-who's not doing what at the job. Not only do I dislike them, I dont care for the topic. Ever. Throw in a mix of "Kevin has no money left to buy drinks with", and "his cow costume doesnt allow for his glasses so he's blind" and my favorite ingrediant:"stand around and try not to look at her and the new 'notboyfriend' of the week as they snog, pretending that they're not". Came home and crashed, all the while she tried to argue into "What did YOU want to do?" Fuck your stepsister, really, but I dont see you being into that.
The cow costume:cow suit, crown of thorns, bottle of milk and hamburger. "EAT MY BURGER, FOR IT IS MY FLESH; AND DRINK MY MILK, FOR IT IS MY BLOOD!"
First time I've NOT done drag for Halloween in....ages. Halloween simply doesnt hold the appeal for me it used to-I'm in a tiny town where I know noone, and everyone is with "their" group anyhow. I'm with her (last year as boyfriend, this year as uncomfortable ex), and leaving/staying with her-which kills my traditional purpose for Halloween:cheap thrills of the lusty variety. In the teen years, it was about getting in a dress and BAM-instant girl magnet. I cant do that around here, and I dont have the social tolerance anymore.
So I sat-watched a "buddy" and his band play, and realized how much I hate loving live music-*I* should be on stage, but alas-it's a bit late to try picking up an instrument. Sure, I COULD learn-in time for me to be mediocre, aging, not innovative (as everything is being done now)....
Ignorance is bliss, children. 22. I'm TWENTY TWO and I cant do anything in my life now without a ridiculous uphill battle. Had I NOT thought about what I wanted in life-if I'd just done the drone duty, study pick a profession go to school get my job-I wouldnt be here. This sort of thing would just be on the side. Instead, I wanted to be CREATIVE...and without opportunity, all I'm left with is the bitter craving to DO, but I have no inspiration left to push me into developing a talent I had no opportunity to invest in.
BUT she cant understand that-in her drone duty world, it was easy to drill in "pick what you want to do with your life and do it!" Yea. FUCK YOU. You dont CHOOSE what you want and simply DO it. Especially something collaborative, something CREATED, not a JOB you are ASSIGNED. "Oh, I'd have supported you!" Yea...but not financially. Dont want to take the risk, make an investment, you'll only "support" me with kind words-oh, but you'll happily share the profits with me!
Even if I did just DECIDE to do something with life-I'm no longer a resident of ANY state. IF I got into a college, I'd pay outrageously higher fees, and have to juggle a ridiculous schedule to spend the next years after paying it off....
If I'd died on my floor, or that hospital bed a year ago...it'd have been the perfect death. Completely accidental, during a period of possibility, it'd almost have been "tragic" to have died at a point when things looked like they were turning to my dreams. Now it'd just be a pathetic way to blow out a flickering candle.
Little sister...had it all and blew it. Why....WHY do the people who don't appreciate what they're HANDED always blow it!? Even if I DID want to be a drone, I couldnt have complained about her setup:college, living expenses, groceries, car/gas/insurance/mods all paid for, with an allowance too, AND growing up being allowed to have hobbies (whos costs not only knew no bounds, but were never taken responsibly or seriously).
Makes me think of a Futurama episode, with Bender and Dr Zoidberg sitting. Bender dejectedly says "Aww, now my dreams are over, before they ever even began!" "Welcome to my world!" cries Dr Zoidberg, as we bursts into tears.
I dont even care about getting my rocks off at this point, I'm so out of practice with it all...not that I have the ambition to even walk across the street to a club and hit on some drunken skank.
My apologies to the, what, TWO of you who might skim through this-it's been a rough weekend beyond the ability of words to describe, and is simply too deeply rooted for me to take the time to explain.
Yes, dear-though I was with you and others, I was still alone.
granny:
My poor poor colosus 
. Things tend to get worse before they get better. Soon enough, you'll be out of that shithole you're in and you'll be much better off. 
. Things tend to get worse before they get better. Soon enough, you'll be out of that shithole you're in and you'll be much better off.