i_poop_too_much

There's really no way to explain yourself to most people. What words can one use to describe just a basic feeling, much less try to defend, rationalize, explain, or display such a feeling?

I think it's a pretty simple concept:I am simply incapable of happiness it seems; every other conscious thought is that of suicide screaming at me from the back of my skull and through my eyes like a bullet; regardless of whatever "successful" or "happy" events may occur in my life, I will always feel that my life is nothing but a complete failure. I will never be satisfied with my life, for it is far too late for me to reach many points.

I don't even think I know what I did want or would want anymore.

Is it so complicated a thought?

Jesus tapdancing Christ. This site, beautiful as it, it's people, and it's members are, only serve as a constant reminder-but I love this place so much. I wish I could be what I wanted here, too.