(be sure to right click the images to see the whole thing....damned SG format)
I'm not sure where to begin on something so monumentous....
I've been away from home for over 3 years. 4 years ago this month since Darren had to leave our home.
I ALMOST moved back once-I'd decided to take control of myself again, ditched Rahvin, reestablished contact with Darren; but a certain Hurricane Ivan destroyed the local economy....
We'd still gotten on well enough, but something wasn't the same-I chalked it up to the awkwardness of having to use email instead of voice and persona, and I refused phone conversation. If I was to be crushed, I'd rather it be completely and personally.
Morning flight....the first time I've flown. Not REALLY, I flew a few times as a baby, but that doesn't count because I can't remember it. Went through security just fine and found my gate. Boarding....Austin to Dallas, from Dallas to Pensacola....easy enough. I have horrible luck, this plane is going down. Strap myself in, I don't need to be instructed to do that, although a 30,000 foot drop would kill me regardless-maybe I should go unstrapped, so that maybe I'll get to experience weightlessness for a moment? The plane is moving....and before my stomach can finish dropping I'm looking at the top of the airport and I get a rush of blood to the head.
I survived, and am reminded that if I were a superhero.....I'd want to be Superman. Flight. The flight into Pensacola is distressing-I can see huge chunks of forest gone, bridge damage, I wonder about my old neighborhood....
Tim picks me up and he's happy to see he has a gift-"The Art Of Ray Harryhausen", signed! We stayed up all night yammering....and the rise of the sun meant it was time to face the day, face the time....
Darren has just moved to a "new" home-new home being right back in the same house he was living in the last time we last spoke, just shy of 4 years ago, living next door to Steve and Mariyah. Darren, Steve, Mariyah-FAMILY. Our Family. Stepping out of Tim's box on wheels, I see everyone waiting on the porch and I can't believe I'm having to make a conscious effort to move naturally and conceal my heartbeat. I'm fucking SCARED-what if this doesn't go smoothly, what if karma has caught up to my many revenges and I've been pulled into an elaborate setup!? No...no.
"Disarm you with a smile."
I'm home again.
It's as if I never left-Darren and I hug warmly, his hair long again and beard full grown as he was when I left; Mariyah and Steve hug me and Steve tries to tickle me, his hair regrown, same Steve I'd always known. I plop down into my corner and the changes are minor
arren finally quit smoking, excellent! He wasn't always a smoker, though, but we were both huge caffiene fiends.....and when offered, I drop the unKevin bombshell:"This may shock and offend you, but....I don't drink carbonated caffienated beverages anymore. I avoid most red meat except for steaks, too." WHAT?! "Yea. Had to, I was getting unhealthy, and it really helped my excersize routine." I take the comment on my looking a bit bigger to mean healthily, not fatassed or anorexic.
Hours go by on the porch, and while much is covered there's still so many-too many-little things to remember, but the key happenings are covered. Gladly we both agree that the friendship and longing never ended....there was merely an accidental hiatus.
Walking back to the car from dinner, shenanigans as old times follow. "Hey Kevin, wanna give me a piggyback ride?!" He hops on my back quickly. Your Tauntaun will freeze before you reach the first marker! "Then I'll see you in hell!" They look at us like we're crazy-I'm not sure if it's from the impromptu Star Wars lines, or the piggyback prancing, or both.
I tried to impress upon Darren in high school that we should pool funds and invest in musical instruments, and it never really went anywhere. Playing Guitar Hero proves that we should have. Here's a cropped together shot of us playing "You Got Another Thing Comin":
He does far better than I, but he's also far more practiced, having played the damn thing for hours a day....whereas I toy with my bass irregularly. That's fine, though, I would go on to smoke his scores for "More Than A Feeling"-hail Boston!
The next day would be the killer adventure:a roadtrip to see King's X. My pal Curt from the KX messageboard was driving through, so he'd pick us up and off we'd go. Darren and I had wanted to see KX together since he was first exposed to them, thanks to a tape falling out of my pocket while monkeying on monkey bars. The tape was meant for Thomas, but found a more receptive audience with Darren. While waiting for Darren to leave work, Curt and I tooled about Pensacola to see what's changed....
I went to my....OUR....old neighborhood. The house. 540 South First. We'd rented it from Gary, and I would eventually plot to buy. Charming little 2.5 bedroom, 1 bath, huge backyard, nice kitchen, well situated, right by the water and a park! My workplace was just a 10 minute walk away.
The neighborhood was more destroyed than I'd been led to believe. Almost all the glorious trees that once formed a canopy were gone, houses still lay in ruin or completely torn down, I could see clear to the other side of the bay. I wanted to say hello to Kat, she still lives down the street, but no one was home. Our home.....wrecked. I guess it's a good thing I backed out on the purchase....somewhere I have a picture taken our first day in the house, Darren and I on the porch, imitating American Gothic....and then a gag "stabbing Kevin" shot, labeled "Gothic American Arguement". I'll have to find it....
After picking up Darren, we hit the road, first stop:Four Winds, for import beer! We spend far too long in there, sampling exotic boozes and buying beer based on....anything and everything. "Hey, lookit the logo for this one-Dead Guy Ale! This little dead guy rocks! Let's buy a bottle or two!" "This beer is called Kokhammer! COCK HAMMER! I MUST HAVE IT!" "Chili pepper in the beer?! Interesting!" "Trippy illustration, grab it." The trunk was loaded. Literally loaded full. Grab a few for the road, pop em open and start driving.....
Goddamned Pensacola road construction, we lost an hour because of road closures and traffic.
Tallahassee is the WORST laid out city ever with the WORST road name scheme ever, I'm not even going into it. Basically, it's fucked and we went past the venue several times.
King's X put on an excellent show as usual, and I was finally able to share it with Darren-not the BEST show, unfortunately, but still magical. Only show where I've never bought Dug a drink-he didn't ask for one, either! Surreal, Dug practically lunging out to give me a hug and to have him know who was with me-"Is this? Hi, so nice to meet you!" He asked if we wanted to get a picture of us, and....to use a King's X lyric from one of Dug's songs about reunions, "Now I got me a faaaaaaaavorite picture...."
Dug imparted a tale of delicious preshow brownies that were "sooooOOO good!" and scratched up his throat, and rendered him quite confused for the first hour or so on stage forgetting lyrics. He did pretty well, though, I don't think anyone else noticed the actually minor lyrical reversals he made, but he and the guys had a good laugh about it.
The drive home.....it was a LITTLE unnerving when Curt's gun slid out and here we had a gun and booze bottles being passed about like it was nothing. I made it back in record time-the speedometer never dropped below 80, I preferred keeping it in triple digits.
One of the shocking things about being away for so long is how much little girls grow. When I left, Steve and Mariyah's daughters Casey and Suzy.....Casey was just starting to walk around and talk, Suzy was fresh out of the oven....now Casey is in the second grade, Suzy is 4 years old and speaks more fluently than most adults. Suzy seemed to take more of a liking to me, for some reason:
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The cool thing about the kids, though, was exposing them to Doctor Who....and yep, it's still terrifying to children, yet impossible to resist!
Kinda hard to explain such a complicated show to children, especially at the end of a multi episode story, but they got the jist of it:the farting green aliens are bad, the Doctor is mean because he cares. The acid test will be this week's episode, they'd better sit those children down for "Dalek"! If they're not terrified and enthralled, something is wrong. Wrong with them, or with the show, I don't know.
Thankfully Darren had to work the morning I left....I couldn't do a goodbye, temporary as it is. I can't go back to FL-I love Austin too much, and there's no economy there-but I'm trying my hardest to pull him here. Already a trip to Austin is in the works for him, and I'm supposed to go back for a week or two this summer....
This is a long entry to ultimately describe nothing, as I cannot describe the peace it has brought me to be reunited with my brother. 4 years seemed like they never happened. There's still a hole in my soul, and I have a feeling it will remain there, but the hole was there before.....
Flying back, we circled the city of Pensacola and-thanks to my exhaustive study of maps and exploration of roads-I was able to look down upon his residence, his workplace, our old home we shared, places our adventures took us....it can never be recaptured, but I had that feeling again like it was a new day, just as then....
Goodness it's hard to write out lyrics when there's three people singing different lines and rythms at once....
Move me....
God, can you hear me cry
Keeper of mysteries river of tears
God, can you see me die
Move me....
After it's over and after the years are passing
God can you move me
Never asking
Move me and move me again
I'm not sure where to begin on something so monumentous....
I've been away from home for over 3 years. 4 years ago this month since Darren had to leave our home.
I ALMOST moved back once-I'd decided to take control of myself again, ditched Rahvin, reestablished contact with Darren; but a certain Hurricane Ivan destroyed the local economy....
We'd still gotten on well enough, but something wasn't the same-I chalked it up to the awkwardness of having to use email instead of voice and persona, and I refused phone conversation. If I was to be crushed, I'd rather it be completely and personally.
Morning flight....the first time I've flown. Not REALLY, I flew a few times as a baby, but that doesn't count because I can't remember it. Went through security just fine and found my gate. Boarding....Austin to Dallas, from Dallas to Pensacola....easy enough. I have horrible luck, this plane is going down. Strap myself in, I don't need to be instructed to do that, although a 30,000 foot drop would kill me regardless-maybe I should go unstrapped, so that maybe I'll get to experience weightlessness for a moment? The plane is moving....and before my stomach can finish dropping I'm looking at the top of the airport and I get a rush of blood to the head.
I survived, and am reminded that if I were a superhero.....I'd want to be Superman. Flight. The flight into Pensacola is distressing-I can see huge chunks of forest gone, bridge damage, I wonder about my old neighborhood....
Tim picks me up and he's happy to see he has a gift-"The Art Of Ray Harryhausen", signed! We stayed up all night yammering....and the rise of the sun meant it was time to face the day, face the time....
Darren has just moved to a "new" home-new home being right back in the same house he was living in the last time we last spoke, just shy of 4 years ago, living next door to Steve and Mariyah. Darren, Steve, Mariyah-FAMILY. Our Family. Stepping out of Tim's box on wheels, I see everyone waiting on the porch and I can't believe I'm having to make a conscious effort to move naturally and conceal my heartbeat. I'm fucking SCARED-what if this doesn't go smoothly, what if karma has caught up to my many revenges and I've been pulled into an elaborate setup!? No...no.
"Disarm you with a smile."
I'm home again.
It's as if I never left-Darren and I hug warmly, his hair long again and beard full grown as he was when I left; Mariyah and Steve hug me and Steve tries to tickle me, his hair regrown, same Steve I'd always known. I plop down into my corner and the changes are minor
arren finally quit smoking, excellent! He wasn't always a smoker, though, but we were both huge caffiene fiends.....and when offered, I drop the unKevin bombshell:"This may shock and offend you, but....I don't drink carbonated caffienated beverages anymore. I avoid most red meat except for steaks, too." WHAT?! "Yea. Had to, I was getting unhealthy, and it really helped my excersize routine." I take the comment on my looking a bit bigger to mean healthily, not fatassed or anorexic.
Hours go by on the porch, and while much is covered there's still so many-too many-little things to remember, but the key happenings are covered. Gladly we both agree that the friendship and longing never ended....there was merely an accidental hiatus.
Walking back to the car from dinner, shenanigans as old times follow. "Hey Kevin, wanna give me a piggyback ride?!" He hops on my back quickly. Your Tauntaun will freeze before you reach the first marker! "Then I'll see you in hell!" They look at us like we're crazy-I'm not sure if it's from the impromptu Star Wars lines, or the piggyback prancing, or both.
I tried to impress upon Darren in high school that we should pool funds and invest in musical instruments, and it never really went anywhere. Playing Guitar Hero proves that we should have. Here's a cropped together shot of us playing "You Got Another Thing Comin":
He does far better than I, but he's also far more practiced, having played the damn thing for hours a day....whereas I toy with my bass irregularly. That's fine, though, I would go on to smoke his scores for "More Than A Feeling"-hail Boston!
The next day would be the killer adventure:a roadtrip to see King's X. My pal Curt from the KX messageboard was driving through, so he'd pick us up and off we'd go. Darren and I had wanted to see KX together since he was first exposed to them, thanks to a tape falling out of my pocket while monkeying on monkey bars. The tape was meant for Thomas, but found a more receptive audience with Darren. While waiting for Darren to leave work, Curt and I tooled about Pensacola to see what's changed....
I went to my....OUR....old neighborhood. The house. 540 South First. We'd rented it from Gary, and I would eventually plot to buy. Charming little 2.5 bedroom, 1 bath, huge backyard, nice kitchen, well situated, right by the water and a park! My workplace was just a 10 minute walk away.
The neighborhood was more destroyed than I'd been led to believe. Almost all the glorious trees that once formed a canopy were gone, houses still lay in ruin or completely torn down, I could see clear to the other side of the bay. I wanted to say hello to Kat, she still lives down the street, but no one was home. Our home.....wrecked. I guess it's a good thing I backed out on the purchase....somewhere I have a picture taken our first day in the house, Darren and I on the porch, imitating American Gothic....and then a gag "stabbing Kevin" shot, labeled "Gothic American Arguement". I'll have to find it....
After picking up Darren, we hit the road, first stop:Four Winds, for import beer! We spend far too long in there, sampling exotic boozes and buying beer based on....anything and everything. "Hey, lookit the logo for this one-Dead Guy Ale! This little dead guy rocks! Let's buy a bottle or two!" "This beer is called Kokhammer! COCK HAMMER! I MUST HAVE IT!" "Chili pepper in the beer?! Interesting!" "Trippy illustration, grab it." The trunk was loaded. Literally loaded full. Grab a few for the road, pop em open and start driving.....
Goddamned Pensacola road construction, we lost an hour because of road closures and traffic.
Tallahassee is the WORST laid out city ever with the WORST road name scheme ever, I'm not even going into it. Basically, it's fucked and we went past the venue several times.
King's X put on an excellent show as usual, and I was finally able to share it with Darren-not the BEST show, unfortunately, but still magical. Only show where I've never bought Dug a drink-he didn't ask for one, either! Surreal, Dug practically lunging out to give me a hug and to have him know who was with me-"Is this? Hi, so nice to meet you!" He asked if we wanted to get a picture of us, and....to use a King's X lyric from one of Dug's songs about reunions, "Now I got me a faaaaaaaavorite picture...."
Dug imparted a tale of delicious preshow brownies that were "sooooOOO good!" and scratched up his throat, and rendered him quite confused for the first hour or so on stage forgetting lyrics. He did pretty well, though, I don't think anyone else noticed the actually minor lyrical reversals he made, but he and the guys had a good laugh about it.
The drive home.....it was a LITTLE unnerving when Curt's gun slid out and here we had a gun and booze bottles being passed about like it was nothing. I made it back in record time-the speedometer never dropped below 80, I preferred keeping it in triple digits.
One of the shocking things about being away for so long is how much little girls grow. When I left, Steve and Mariyah's daughters Casey and Suzy.....Casey was just starting to walk around and talk, Suzy was fresh out of the oven....now Casey is in the second grade, Suzy is 4 years old and speaks more fluently than most adults. Suzy seemed to take more of a liking to me, for some reason:
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The cool thing about the kids, though, was exposing them to Doctor Who....and yep, it's still terrifying to children, yet impossible to resist!
Kinda hard to explain such a complicated show to children, especially at the end of a multi episode story, but they got the jist of it:the farting green aliens are bad, the Doctor is mean because he cares. The acid test will be this week's episode, they'd better sit those children down for "Dalek"! If they're not terrified and enthralled, something is wrong. Wrong with them, or with the show, I don't know.
Thankfully Darren had to work the morning I left....I couldn't do a goodbye, temporary as it is. I can't go back to FL-I love Austin too much, and there's no economy there-but I'm trying my hardest to pull him here. Already a trip to Austin is in the works for him, and I'm supposed to go back for a week or two this summer....
This is a long entry to ultimately describe nothing, as I cannot describe the peace it has brought me to be reunited with my brother. 4 years seemed like they never happened. There's still a hole in my soul, and I have a feeling it will remain there, but the hole was there before.....
Flying back, we circled the city of Pensacola and-thanks to my exhaustive study of maps and exploration of roads-I was able to look down upon his residence, his workplace, our old home we shared, places our adventures took us....it can never be recaptured, but I had that feeling again like it was a new day, just as then....
Goodness it's hard to write out lyrics when there's three people singing different lines and rythms at once....
Move me....
God, can you hear me cry
Keeper of mysteries river of tears
God, can you see me die
Move me....
After it's over and after the years are passing
God can you move me
Never asking
Move me and move me again