I haven't written in forever. Not because I haven't been doing noteworthy things. Far from it. They're just things I've told everyone a thousand times. I'll talk about this.
1.
This one was good. I met her at a friend's birthday party in the park. She's outgoing and friendly. She's a lot of the things I have tried to distance myself from, but a lot of the things I try and get closest to. She was this jackpot of somehow being both crazy hot + cool + wanted to be around me. I didn't understand it. And maybe that's part of where I went wrong.
A pole dancing, snowboarding, metal-loving labourer from my hometown, with lilac hair. I'd actually met her once before, albeit from a distance, as I assumed the guy she was there with was her boyfriend and not her ex-boyfriend, so I found out. We get along so well.
She was a difficult one to get time with. Long, hard, physical days at work 6 days a week, and nights at the gym or at pole.
I was killing it too. She'd recently moved to Melbourne so I was showing her all this great stuff, taking her to all these excellent places to eat and drink.
It was a Wednesday night and we'd been bowling, drinking, playing pool. I was heading to Japan for 2 weeks on the Friday and..
"In case you haven't realized yet, I really like you, and I want to kiss you before I go away.."
And while I was away we texted every day.. spoke on the phone every second or third day. Then just a little bit of a lull. Until 5am on the day I arrive back in Australia, a text message comes my way. Finally, her name pops up on my phone. She says I'm "literally brilliant", but that after breaking up with her boyfriend of 10 years, she's having conflicting feelings.
I get that. Of course I get that. 10 years, my gosh. If you've read anything else I've written, I can attest to even 5 years being a long and tough road ahead. But at the same time, I couldn't allow myself to just be friends again. I'm always just friends. As much as I liked this one, I couldn't allow myself to pine over her and always be wanting more. And that was that.
2.
Barely worth a mention, but will get one because of how terribly, horribly wrong it all went.
So back to the Tinder game I go. I know, right? Likes video games, WRESTLING, she's funny, pretty cute. Ok. Sure. I'll go on a date with you.
I thought I'd sufficiently vetted this girl. I really did not.
All of her photos were very flattering angles. Classic MySpace behaviour. She's a trainee MUA in to cosplay. So these flattering photos also hid the fact that, something I found out within literally seconds, that this 23 year-old girl was BALDING. SHE WAS BALDING. I couldn't look at her face because my eyes kept wandering up there. It was horrible.
I know, I know, you're all going to say "poor girl". I know this too. It must suck. But it was not great for me either way. I was a good sport though. We hung out and played Mario Kart at this video game bar. Had some drinks. Then I lied about needing to start work at 7am in the city the next day, and caught the wrong train home just to get out of there as quickly as possible.
I deleted her, and vowed, once again, to have a break from Tinder.
3.
Not long after, I can't remember how long after, I get this notification. On Tinder. And I'm not even using it at this point. And it's this girl who I'd matched with and chatted briefly with 6 months earlier. And out of the blue she sends me another message.
She's really cool actually. Really smart, down to earth, funny. She manages a bar near my house that I didn't even know existed.
So I've been down to said bar a bunch of times. It's such a cool bar. There's no sign on the door, it's down a side street in a suburban area. Cocktails, couches, get out of here. It's perfect. We've hung out a couple of times too and again, we get along real well. She's super flirty towards me all the time.
Now. On face value, there are really only 2 major no-no's for me when choosing a potential mate: 1. Don't smoke; 2. Be shorter than me.
I mention how I've had some hard times on Tinder, and that everyone ends up being a secret smoker. "Don't like smokers, huh?" she asks.
I ask "now this is awkward.. you look tall. Are you tall? Because I am not tall."
She's SO TALL. She doesn't care, and says that it's only a problem if I make it to be one. But I feel stupid standing up next to her. 5 years girl was taller than me and when she wore heels, towered above me. So I bought these things for my shoes to Tom Cruise that shit.
But I don't feel comfortable in lying and wearing shoes, basically for the rest of my life, just to be less-shorter than this girl.
More importantly than that though.. We had lunch on Sunday. Which was all I really thought was going to happen. She meets me there and has brought a packed bag of all this cheese and cured meat and bread and alcohol. So I guess we're going to have a picnic after this..
We go hang out in the park near my house for a couple of hours. I can't remember how it comes up but.. she brags about really loving cocaine.
And I guess we're going back to my place now? "Let's watch a movie or something", she says.
Eeeeveryone knows what that's code for.
I'm keeping my distance as much as possible, because being close to her I realize.. SECRET SMOKER! Liar! The two things, both crossed off!
She's getting all cuddly up against me. And I'm obliging because I feel awkward. Then at about 10pm I'm like "OK, this is really embarrassing, but I'm going to have to ask you to go home so I can go to the bathroom."
She's insisting that I just go and that there's no problem. But I finally win. And get her out of my house. And feel like a total asshole when I find out she doesn't even catch a cab and walks home.
Since then I've had the completely true and legitimate excuse that I've been working long and stressful days this week during the launch of about 6 months of work on a project. So I can't hang out, I barely have time enough to scratch let alone have lengthy text conversations. But I'm done hey. I just don't know how to tell her.
It's not enough for me for me to share a similar taste in interests.. like video games, or TV shows, or even the same sense of humour. These are superficial things that to me are nice, but not necessary. I've always thought that it's completely fine, and maybe even preferable, to find someone who likes a bunch of different stuff to you, because it means you get to grow and learn as a person and experience all of these other different things with this person, as they will experiencing your things.
What matters to me is that we share the same kind of views and morals on life and where they want to be. I'd never begrudge someone for balding if they were cool, or smoking or doing coke or whatever, that's their prerogative. But it's also my prerogative to not compromise on the things that are most important to me.
I'm 33 years old and I'm not interested in something that isn't right.