Hmmm, I'm feeling a little bit bummed out tonight. I've spent so much time on my own at home the past couple of months. Buying this house, paying all the bills they come along with it and having extra pressure to get this credit card debt which has been imposed upon me paid off, has obviously left me pretty damn broke. It's knocking me around.
I have had opportunities to do things but I'm super conscious about spending too much money and as a result don't allow myself to have a good time. My self esteem is pretty low, because I've been eating on the cheap, which means a lot of pasta and rice, and subsequently causes chub. Had to wait to have a haircut because I was poor. My skin is breaking out like crazy and I am constantly worried about how I look. I bit the bullet and got my hair fixed on the weekend and I'm shelling out nearly $300 at the dermatologist tomorrow so I can stop being a 31 year old man with pimples who has to wear makeup every day. And I really wanted to do a 12 week gym challenge but I just can't afford the cost, even though it'll help my confidence, get me out of the house and doing something, and meeting people outside of the ones I work with.
It's kinda just all about money.
Nearly 500 people were made redundant at work today. It's not that the business is doing poorly, they just had to "trim the fat", so to speak. Lots of unnecessary people floating around and allows the business to reinvest in value for customers. I'm in a growth area so I was safe, but I almost wanted to be one of the 500 so I could get the redundancy payout and be out of debt. Ah well, I guess I just have to continue having a job.
It got me thinking about what I'd do. Obviously as I just mentioned I'd pay off the debt. I'd pay out the rest of my lease so i wouldn't have to worry about rent if I didn't have a job, or at least one which didn't pay as well, maybe even move back home since I already have a house. I could've sub-let this place. Then it got me thinking again about how much it sucks dick paying $360 a week rent on my own and that maybe I should revisit the housemate idea. Because, you know, they worked out SO well last time. But the money. The MONEY. Ah fuck.
I just wanna be skinny and handsome and go places and do things and buy stuff. Being a grown up fucking sucks.
