"This is going to sound really weird and maybe awful but I did just remove you from my Facebook. It doesn't have to be forever as I would like to still know what's happening with you and see how you're going, but I just needed that separation for a bit. I will always have your number though and maybe we can catch up one day in the future."
Probably the most significant part of my week. Seemingly coinciding with the last of her stuff being delivered to her boss' house, which is 2 houses down from me. And some animosity directed towards me as some of my friends, I don't know who or how many, had been removing her from social network channels. I knew nothing about it, I didn't ask anyone to do it, but even if I don't talk to them everyday, it makes me feel good to know they're with me on this.
To be perfectly honest, I wanted to do it too, because I didn't want the constant reminder of her life being so much better now without me. And every time I saw her name pop up I would scroll down slowly, millimeter by millimeter, just in case it was some kind of "this is me with someone else now" kind of post, so I could stop myself from seeing or reading the full thing. I'd still get the shot but I'd not know the exact detail. But I didn't want to be the one to make the cut. After receiving that message, I didn't reply. I just.. kept on existing.
Bit of a funny week. I've had a fair bit of time to myself, because my housemates moved in last Sunday, so I've been spending a lot of time in my room. I am so used to having things exactly how I like them to be. I'm very anal. I'm very particular. I like order. Organisation. I hate uncleanliness. Clutter. I like symmetry, angles. The toilet paper roll around the correct way. Within 12 hours, and 8 hours of those were spent in bed sleeping/trying to sleep, I was looking at house prices to buy for myself. Obviously not something I could easily make happen the day after having housemates move in, a decision which was made solely for the purpose of having more money at my disposal. But I have set myself a goal. I've picked out the house I want. And basically I'm going to live in a 4 bedroom family home an hour out of town all by myself.
It's hard. I need to adapt. I can't let this be as painful as I'm making it out to be. It's going to be fine. I just need to get past the first bit and readjust. I don't feel like I can tell them what things I don't like yet, so I'm going with the "reinforcing good behaviour" method right now; cleaning up their messes in secret, in the hopes that they realise how nice it can be if kept that way. I know that's not the way it works but I can dream, can't I?
Add work stress on to that. Who DOESN'T have work stress. It's called work because you need to work at it. If it wasn't work it'd be called "fun" or "stuff". I know that it is all leading in the direction of good things, but those good things will be even harder things. But I'm halfway in the middle of delivering multiple projects, as well as my day-to-day, as well as dealing with increased profile and preparing reports for some of the top 10-20 guys in this company of 100,000 employees, and being secondered to a different part of the business supposedly for one day a week, to help them integrate and consider our world in a more seamless way. I am the only person in the world with my job title, and even though I am being pressured by HR to take time off and keep a better work/life balance, I can't afford to right now. And I need the break too.
I am going home on the weekend though. That'll be another whirlwind trip. 2 days to see everyone and try and view as many potential investment properties as possible. I hope I'll have made a decision this weekend and I can get moving along with it. It'll be a big step for me and it'll mean being able to work towards property number 2, whether that is my 4 bedroom house in the suburbs or my second investment. I should've just taken time off over Easter though. There's the perfect opportunity for 10 days off with only 2 or 3 days of leave and I didn't take it. Instead, I'll be tired when I get back and not at all re-energized or recharged. Silly man.
Lastly, I got bailed on by two different girls on the same night! I'd made plans to go out with someone on Friday night, which did not eventuate, as I guess I'm not what she's looking for, so that sucks, because she's awfully cute. At the 11th hour I had a second offer and I thought hell, why not. What else do I have on. What do I have to lose. I managed to drag a third wheel along who didn't want to be there, only to receive no correspondence the whole time we were there. Left at a reasonable hour only get a text at 1am saying her phone had gone flat and she'd only finished work half an hour after we'd already left. So that was a fail.
Bit of a fail week. Let's hope this week I am not such a cynical asshole. This week I will be charming, decisive, smart, funny. Dapper, Debonaire. Professional. In control and in charge. And generally succeed.
