Not much to say really.
But actually, I have a bunch of things to say.
When that happens, I tend to opt for silence until I figure things out.
Everything I touch turns to dust in my hands, lately. Can't seem to get anything right or be engaged enough to know the answers I should. After twenty years of this being an adult thing, I would hope it got easier, but no...still the same crushing disappointment at every turn.
I'm remembering why I don't let people really get to know me. They find out enough, that same crushing disappointment is in store.
What did I say about keeping silent?
Right.
My existential crisis from the last year or so continues unabated. I am almost forty and am working in a job everyone around me knows I am overqualified for, yet I seem to be unable to remain completely engaged long enough to secure a true foothold and potentially be promoted.
Two co-workers told me I looked nice in contacts, one with the added comment of "but you look good in glasses, too." I'm not sure how seriously to take her, as she is a bit touchy-feely and friendly the majority of the time.
She admitted to once using her looks and going into damsel in distress mode to get out of a ticket, so I often wonder if it's something she just never really turns off. I've met people like that, who never really shut that off even when they're not socializing. Although for some people (not me) work is socializing. I will stand in a huddle with my co-workers and talk to them about tv shows or current events but sometimes I feel like Dexter from the Showtime series. I'm just aping what other people do. Going through the motions to fit in, when really I don't get the context. I don't have the same experiences or skill set as the people around me, but I can fake it when I need to, just not very well. I keep to myself as I do with most people. I let people see just enough to know I'm human, but keep the rest locked up tight. I can engage in banal conversation about the weather or what I'm doing on the weekend, but the rest of me is somewhere else.
So yeah, the one co-worker is pretty. The problem is, she obviously knows it, even if she pretends not to. She once thought she committed a faux pas by going on about how a man was too old for her, and there's something wrong with someone who is almost forty and not married or attached. Then she found out my age, but lucky for me I'm attached. She stares at me sometimes when she thinks I'm not looking.
Maybe it's my mysterious nature. WhooooOOOoooo. Whatever.
Can't seem to go a few days without pissing off someone, I guess.
I'm really sick of the stink of failure hovering around me. I was in another tax bracket for awhile, and I enjoyed it. But it wasn't meant to last, it never is.
Sometimes I feel like an exile.
But actually, I have a bunch of things to say.
When that happens, I tend to opt for silence until I figure things out.
Everything I touch turns to dust in my hands, lately. Can't seem to get anything right or be engaged enough to know the answers I should. After twenty years of this being an adult thing, I would hope it got easier, but no...still the same crushing disappointment at every turn.
I'm remembering why I don't let people really get to know me. They find out enough, that same crushing disappointment is in store.
What did I say about keeping silent?
Right.
My existential crisis from the last year or so continues unabated. I am almost forty and am working in a job everyone around me knows I am overqualified for, yet I seem to be unable to remain completely engaged long enough to secure a true foothold and potentially be promoted.
Two co-workers told me I looked nice in contacts, one with the added comment of "but you look good in glasses, too." I'm not sure how seriously to take her, as she is a bit touchy-feely and friendly the majority of the time.
She admitted to once using her looks and going into damsel in distress mode to get out of a ticket, so I often wonder if it's something she just never really turns off. I've met people like that, who never really shut that off even when they're not socializing. Although for some people (not me) work is socializing. I will stand in a huddle with my co-workers and talk to them about tv shows or current events but sometimes I feel like Dexter from the Showtime series. I'm just aping what other people do. Going through the motions to fit in, when really I don't get the context. I don't have the same experiences or skill set as the people around me, but I can fake it when I need to, just not very well. I keep to myself as I do with most people. I let people see just enough to know I'm human, but keep the rest locked up tight. I can engage in banal conversation about the weather or what I'm doing on the weekend, but the rest of me is somewhere else.
So yeah, the one co-worker is pretty. The problem is, she obviously knows it, even if she pretends not to. She once thought she committed a faux pas by going on about how a man was too old for her, and there's something wrong with someone who is almost forty and not married or attached. Then she found out my age, but lucky for me I'm attached. She stares at me sometimes when she thinks I'm not looking.
Maybe it's my mysterious nature. WhooooOOOoooo. Whatever.
Can't seem to go a few days without pissing off someone, I guess.
I'm really sick of the stink of failure hovering around me. I was in another tax bracket for awhile, and I enjoyed it. But it wasn't meant to last, it never is.
Sometimes I feel like an exile.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Problem is, we are to busy brooding to notice.
Sux, right?
And your new profile pic looks like it's going to come through the screen and kick my ass!
Cool pic (just don't kick my ass please. I delicate).
Last night I kept dreaming I was in an episode of Creep Show!.
I know, they were movies. But you get the idea.