So, speaking to her last night and she feels fine with the way she kept me hanging on and paying the bills, desperate to come home, while she was fucking her new boyfriend. She can sleep at night and she's happy in herself. I hung up after hearing this, then I punched the wall, then I spent the night at the hospital and the upshot is 2 broken bones in my hand and 8 weeks off work.
My therapist thinks that this is about me not feeling good enough for anyone and trying to punish myself in place of Kirstie because I idolize her... that's probably right.
The weekends are hard, I have the kids and have to deal with the hurt, pain and loss this makes me feel, whilst trying to keep things as normal as possible for them. All the time imagining her and him fucking the weekend away.
I need to figure out a way to live my life without her in it. Right now I cant see it and it's fucking me up. I just want to meet someone nice, someone who'll appreciate what I have to offer, someone I can take out and stay in with, cuddle up on the sofa and hold while I sleep.
In other news, student finance should be in on Monday and I'm gonna spend a chunk of it in the most responsible way I know - new ink to cheer me up.
"When you please others in hopes of being accepted, you lose you self-worth in the process."
Dave Pelzer
My therapist thinks that this is about me not feeling good enough for anyone and trying to punish myself in place of Kirstie because I idolize her... that's probably right.
The weekends are hard, I have the kids and have to deal with the hurt, pain and loss this makes me feel, whilst trying to keep things as normal as possible for them. All the time imagining her and him fucking the weekend away.
I need to figure out a way to live my life without her in it. Right now I cant see it and it's fucking me up. I just want to meet someone nice, someone who'll appreciate what I have to offer, someone I can take out and stay in with, cuddle up on the sofa and hold while I sleep.
In other news, student finance should be in on Monday and I'm gonna spend a chunk of it in the most responsible way I know - new ink to cheer me up.
"When you please others in hopes of being accepted, you lose you self-worth in the process."
Dave Pelzer
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Also funny about the Ink; when my Ex broke up with me, I had the words "Es tan corto el amor y tan largo el olvido" inscribed on my back. It means "Love is so short and forgetting is so long" from a poem by Pablo Neruda. I don't regret it for a moment.
Hope you start feeling more awesome.
An cheeers, my BSFKB is out there somewhere! ha!