This weekend, my time as a young stallion will come to an end and my retirement to the glue factory will draw ever closer as I pass, majestically, into official geezerdom.
I thought this would be an apt moment to reflect upon my younger days, more specifically the things I miss about them.
Ignorance Might as well start on a serious note. Life was so simple when I was unaware of the problems the world had to throw at me. The economy, terrorism, crime, relationships; these things weren't even on my radar. I was the most important person in the world and, as long as I wasn't grounded, I was blissfully happy.
Building Clubhouses You show the younger me a couple of trees (or a hole in the dirt) and some sheets of wood and he could build you a pretty awesome camp. Some caved in on us but this was just a hazard of the job. We never considered how dangerous it might have been; being holed up, underground with a pile of wood stacked up ready to fall on us.
Action Figures Which Only Moved At The Shoulder, Neck and Hip None of these fancy, fully-articulated toys. If my He-Man wanted to sit down he was gonna look damn uncomfortable while he did it and he was screwed if he had an itchy nose.
Holograms These magic images that seemed to be given away free with everything from comic books to cereal. Monsters behind bars, Xmen running towards you blasting laser pistols from out of the frame. Man, they were cool.
Dungeons & Dragons Not the role-playing game but the amazing cartoon show that it spawned. A group of school children are pulled into an alternative dimension while riding a roller coaster at a local fairground. They are met by the Dungeon Master who gives them all magical weapons and provides advice in such a cryptic way that it it is almost useless. They do battle with the evil Venger while trying to find a way home. I spent many days as a kid wishing that I would be whisked off to some alien dimension and given a cool magical bow which shot energy arrows.
Finding Porn in Bushes Something which died out with the invention of the internet. When I was a kid this was one of the passages into manhood. My first introduction into the sexual arena of women came when I was walking home from school with a couple of friends and we saw something stuffed, tattered and worn, into the branches of a bush. The bottom half of a naked centrefold but wait; there up the road a little way, it's her top half but one tit has been burned away. Oh, mono-titted woman. How I love thee! This was a revelation to our young minds and we couldn't believe how lucky we were that some kind soul had left this treasure there for us to find. I'm saddened that this stage of a boy's development has been robbed from him, being able to access porn online just doesn't offer the same thrill as finding organically grown bush-porn.
Eternal Summer Holidays It's the last day of school before you leave for the summer. The time ahead is unfathomable, six whole weeks. The adventures we are going to have in this time which seems to last forever. Then, the last day is here and it's back to school tomorrow. I wonder how everyone will have changed, will we even remember the friends we didn't see while at home? Six weeks seems like no time at all now but, back then, it was eternity. I wish time still moved that slowly.
Some good news, this week my closest friend Sgt George Freeman returned safely from Iraq. We are all very happy to have him back and I'm proud to call him my friend. He is a far better and braver man than I am.
"Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows. "
John Betjeman
I thought this would be an apt moment to reflect upon my younger days, more specifically the things I miss about them.
Ignorance Might as well start on a serious note. Life was so simple when I was unaware of the problems the world had to throw at me. The economy, terrorism, crime, relationships; these things weren't even on my radar. I was the most important person in the world and, as long as I wasn't grounded, I was blissfully happy.
Building Clubhouses You show the younger me a couple of trees (or a hole in the dirt) and some sheets of wood and he could build you a pretty awesome camp. Some caved in on us but this was just a hazard of the job. We never considered how dangerous it might have been; being holed up, underground with a pile of wood stacked up ready to fall on us.
Action Figures Which Only Moved At The Shoulder, Neck and Hip None of these fancy, fully-articulated toys. If my He-Man wanted to sit down he was gonna look damn uncomfortable while he did it and he was screwed if he had an itchy nose.
Holograms These magic images that seemed to be given away free with everything from comic books to cereal. Monsters behind bars, Xmen running towards you blasting laser pistols from out of the frame. Man, they were cool.
Dungeons & Dragons Not the role-playing game but the amazing cartoon show that it spawned. A group of school children are pulled into an alternative dimension while riding a roller coaster at a local fairground. They are met by the Dungeon Master who gives them all magical weapons and provides advice in such a cryptic way that it it is almost useless. They do battle with the evil Venger while trying to find a way home. I spent many days as a kid wishing that I would be whisked off to some alien dimension and given a cool magical bow which shot energy arrows.
Finding Porn in Bushes Something which died out with the invention of the internet. When I was a kid this was one of the passages into manhood. My first introduction into the sexual arena of women came when I was walking home from school with a couple of friends and we saw something stuffed, tattered and worn, into the branches of a bush. The bottom half of a naked centrefold but wait; there up the road a little way, it's her top half but one tit has been burned away. Oh, mono-titted woman. How I love thee! This was a revelation to our young minds and we couldn't believe how lucky we were that some kind soul had left this treasure there for us to find. I'm saddened that this stage of a boy's development has been robbed from him, being able to access porn online just doesn't offer the same thrill as finding organically grown bush-porn.
Eternal Summer Holidays It's the last day of school before you leave for the summer. The time ahead is unfathomable, six whole weeks. The adventures we are going to have in this time which seems to last forever. Then, the last day is here and it's back to school tomorrow. I wonder how everyone will have changed, will we even remember the friends we didn't see while at home? Six weeks seems like no time at all now but, back then, it was eternity. I wish time still moved that slowly.
Some good news, this week my closest friend Sgt George Freeman returned safely from Iraq. We are all very happy to have him back and I'm proud to call him my friend. He is a far better and braver man than I am.
"Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows. "
John Betjeman
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
i never thought about he-man not being able to scratch his nose. i think went to an entire dinosaur exhibition made of holograms as a kid. remember super ted? he was british wasnt he? he was so cool.
happy belated birthday! i just had one too...