errrrr......
life has turned its difficulty level to 11.
for the last three years i've been with a girl who is....well fuck man, she is just the shit. smart, beautiful, compasionate (she's an equestrian for goodness sake), did i say smart and beautiful?
then one month ago i find out see had been seeing someone in england, see goes out there a couple times a year. they only saw each other twice, the last two times she went...in november and july.
it was just so fucked up how i found out...she uses yahoo's messenger (the tool of the devil) constantly...i make a point not to read or snoop into her private conversations but the program was still running when i was checking my email and it popped up and i couldn't help but read it, and well it was obvious something was up. hell i even recognized the screen name from before..tomluk...what a damn knife in the chest! i even "chatted" with him a couple times in a desperate search for answers or something. what a smooth asshole. i could see him looking down his nose at me...calling me a fucking wank...avoiding any real discussion. apparently he's done this kind of thing before and loves the power of seduction thru the internet because "wank boyfriends" don't find out. god.
we've talked and spent a lot of time together since then. discussion discussion. yeah...i'll admit we had begun to grow apart in some ways.
oh...i forgot to mention the real kicker...she's moving to england in a few days. she going to get an equivalent of a master's in equstrian arts over the next year or two at a college out in the boonies by Stratford.
we both knew this move was coming since last year. and well...people do fucked up things to cope. we didn't go out together or really talk as much...almost trying to prepare ourselves for something we really can't prepare for without "really talking". but since we have been talking, it has gotten a little "easier" (for lack of a better word). we've come to understand each others' true nature, needs, shortcomings, the whole nine. i guess that's all one really can hope for at this point...we just need create a good note for this all end on so we can attempt to continue living our lives.
unfortunately the saddness hunts you down at its convenience (sp?) usually when you're waking up..or trying to sleep. at times i feel like that guy in the movie "Singles" wallowing in pity surrounded by books, pizza boxes, and a model train. at others i can successfully channel the energy into being my usual jovial self..behind the decks making a nice soulful drum and bass set. i guess life is like riding a sine wave.
at least i have some pretty damn fine memories..even the night before i found out we had nice july 4th gathering of friends and ended the night with a great session of lovemaking...damn i went down on her twice before i came...i just live for the look on a girl's face when she comes hard...wow, how risque! but this is suicidegirls innit?
would you believe i've never kept a journal before? i wonder if anyone will actually see this? either way, its good to get these things out there.....
thanks for reading true believers.
life has turned its difficulty level to 11.
for the last three years i've been with a girl who is....well fuck man, she is just the shit. smart, beautiful, compasionate (she's an equestrian for goodness sake), did i say smart and beautiful?
then one month ago i find out see had been seeing someone in england, see goes out there a couple times a year. they only saw each other twice, the last two times she went...in november and july.
it was just so fucked up how i found out...she uses yahoo's messenger (the tool of the devil) constantly...i make a point not to read or snoop into her private conversations but the program was still running when i was checking my email and it popped up and i couldn't help but read it, and well it was obvious something was up. hell i even recognized the screen name from before..tomluk...what a damn knife in the chest! i even "chatted" with him a couple times in a desperate search for answers or something. what a smooth asshole. i could see him looking down his nose at me...calling me a fucking wank...avoiding any real discussion. apparently he's done this kind of thing before and loves the power of seduction thru the internet because "wank boyfriends" don't find out. god.
we've talked and spent a lot of time together since then. discussion discussion. yeah...i'll admit we had begun to grow apart in some ways.
oh...i forgot to mention the real kicker...she's moving to england in a few days. she going to get an equivalent of a master's in equstrian arts over the next year or two at a college out in the boonies by Stratford.
we both knew this move was coming since last year. and well...people do fucked up things to cope. we didn't go out together or really talk as much...almost trying to prepare ourselves for something we really can't prepare for without "really talking". but since we have been talking, it has gotten a little "easier" (for lack of a better word). we've come to understand each others' true nature, needs, shortcomings, the whole nine. i guess that's all one really can hope for at this point...we just need create a good note for this all end on so we can attempt to continue living our lives.
unfortunately the saddness hunts you down at its convenience (sp?) usually when you're waking up..or trying to sleep. at times i feel like that guy in the movie "Singles" wallowing in pity surrounded by books, pizza boxes, and a model train. at others i can successfully channel the energy into being my usual jovial self..behind the decks making a nice soulful drum and bass set. i guess life is like riding a sine wave.
at least i have some pretty damn fine memories..even the night before i found out we had nice july 4th gathering of friends and ended the night with a great session of lovemaking...damn i went down on her twice before i came...i just live for the look on a girl's face when she comes hard...wow, how risque! but this is suicidegirls innit?
would you believe i've never kept a journal before? i wonder if anyone will actually see this? either way, its good to get these things out there.....
thanks for reading true believers.