hyenahell

booyah.

"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine..."
Evacuation Pictures

okay. where to start?

as i said before, i'm currently living in Washington, NC, at Rhys' parents' house. it's rough not having space to myself. i'm pretty sick of living in other folk's places, operating on their schedules, feeling uncomfortable, out of place, and just plain in the way. in addition, i cannot smoke in front of Rhys' folks. so i have to sneak around as if i was in high school. my nerves are wearing thin. real thin. i'm sure you'll hear more on this line of thought later, but i'm trying to be brief so i can get around to everything.

as it turns out, i am attending ECU this semester. yeah. grad school. that's a bizarre story in and of itself. they decided to let us enroll this semester for free. even though we're not technically transfer students. i'll explain all that in more detail, too. later. but it's odd. i didn't expect to walk into the admissions office and in one day be a fucking student again. let alone at no cost to me. uhg. i'm not exactly ready for this. but i'm not one to look a gift horse too hard in the mouth, so i'm going along with it all. we're commuting from Washington to Greenville right now, but Rhys is looking to buy a house there.

yeah. that's another thing. buying a house. what. the. fuck. i don't know. i'm not putting my name on anything, that's for damn sure. it's just one of the many huge, life-changing decisions being made around me, that will affect me but of which i have little or no say.

i did get FEMA money. which is good. although Rhys' parents (who are considerably wealthy, oddly enough) are getting annoyed with me that i won't accept money from them. but hell, i've got to do it my way. and i'd rather be broke than have money and feel like i owe someone.

i just want to start living on my own terms again. and it's going to be really tough to get that back. i just don't have the resources to make it on my own right now. i don't have any transportation and i'm plopped down here where i don't know anyone, don't know my way around, don't own anything or have anywhere to go... you get the idea. i don't know what to do but to just go along with all these plans that don't have much to do with me or my interests.

and i can't make any plans. because i don't know when i'll have to go back to New Orleans to get my stuff, if there is anything left, which we still don't know. i don't know how long that will take, packing and what have you, and i don't even know if the resources (e.g.: packing materials, a truck, clean water, for crying out loud, etc.) will be available once we get back to New Orleans. and then there's this buying a house business, and moving into there, and fuck it, man. i can't even go back to KY to see Mel and my folks, like i planned, because now- inexplicably, and questionably not of my own doing, i'm in fucking grad school. fuck, man.

i don't know. all this is coming out pretty jumbled. and i haven't even started dealing with the long-term shit. everything's a mess, that's the short of it, for sure.

okay. that's all for today. i'm going to get dressed and try to do. something. i don't know. i'll catch up with y'all later.
much love, as always.
-Hyena.