sick of looking at my last entry.
this one's not much better. but i haven't had a good whiny streak in a while, now. so indulge me. skip past if you want. i won't be offended.
still feeling pretty low-down about the financial/job situation. i am trying not to make it the topic of every conversation i have with another human being. (note to self: when people ask, "how are you?", they don't really want to know; it's just a greeting, like "hello", or "what's up?".) when something is bothering me, though, i tend to get morbidly obsessive about that one thing. not that the morbid obsession ever drives me to act or to solve the bothersome problem. no. it just gets stuck in my head, and i start thinking in circles. and become unable to concentrate on anything else.
sorry. i'm doing it again.
another bad tendency i have: when i feel helpless, or feel as though i have no control over my life and the things that are happening to me, i will fixate on something insignificant or superficial that i can control. (e.g.: my weight; the foods i eat- or in most cases, don't eat; my complexion; making my eyebrows into the perfect arch, etc.)
right now it's my weight. i can't eat anything without thinking how many calories are in it, how much fat, and how long it will take to burn those calories away. i've almost stopped drinking entirely, because booze is empty calories, and your body can't metabolize fat if it's metabolizing alcohol. although i am eating way healthier, and feel better, and i am losing weight, i hate how obsessive i've gotten about it. my mind convinces me that i can physically feel the "fat" on me as soon as i've eaten anything. it's disgusting- i can't believe it's me thinking these things.
i need my head shrunk.
or some good drugs.
or some fucking sort of help getting my life together that isn't contingent on my having money.
i'm sorry about all the whining/"woe is me"/bullshit. i hate doing it. but. i don't really have anyone to talk to about all this shit in real life, so it comes out here.
love.
-Hyena.
this one's not much better. but i haven't had a good whiny streak in a while, now. so indulge me. skip past if you want. i won't be offended.
still feeling pretty low-down about the financial/job situation. i am trying not to make it the topic of every conversation i have with another human being. (note to self: when people ask, "how are you?", they don't really want to know; it's just a greeting, like "hello", or "what's up?".) when something is bothering me, though, i tend to get morbidly obsessive about that one thing. not that the morbid obsession ever drives me to act or to solve the bothersome problem. no. it just gets stuck in my head, and i start thinking in circles. and become unable to concentrate on anything else.
sorry. i'm doing it again.
another bad tendency i have: when i feel helpless, or feel as though i have no control over my life and the things that are happening to me, i will fixate on something insignificant or superficial that i can control. (e.g.: my weight; the foods i eat- or in most cases, don't eat; my complexion; making my eyebrows into the perfect arch, etc.)
right now it's my weight. i can't eat anything without thinking how many calories are in it, how much fat, and how long it will take to burn those calories away. i've almost stopped drinking entirely, because booze is empty calories, and your body can't metabolize fat if it's metabolizing alcohol. although i am eating way healthier, and feel better, and i am losing weight, i hate how obsessive i've gotten about it. my mind convinces me that i can physically feel the "fat" on me as soon as i've eaten anything. it's disgusting- i can't believe it's me thinking these things.
i need my head shrunk.
or some good drugs.
or some fucking sort of help getting my life together that isn't contingent on my having money.
i'm sorry about all the whining/"woe is me"/bullshit. i hate doing it. but. i don't really have anyone to talk to about all this shit in real life, so it comes out here.
love.
-Hyena.
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*hugs*