I was told today of a photography position I could get.... doing work for a humanitarian organization in AFRICA for a FULL YEAR.
The position itself sounds interesting... particularly if it was for a few months or so.... I'd be living in some of the worst areas of the continent photographing it... photographing the living conditions... the decay. I'd get hotel rooms some nights...
The money would be pretty good too... I'd get $50,000 and all expenses paid for.
but... it comes down to this. I know myself too well. I couldn't live like that for a year. Couldn't be alone for a year, couldn't live without those important to me for a year, couldn't be surrounded by so much devastation for a year (far too empathetic... I'd probably go into serious depression), couldn't live with so much uncertainty for a year... and by the sounds of it, I'd have to leave SOON too.... I think I'd need alot of time to prepare for something that big.
It would be too hard on me, physically and emotionally. Hell... talking about it on the phone today, I was getting choked up (but I can blame out of whack hormones as well for that)...
... If I could have this offered to me for only a couple months, I'd do it in a heart beat. Sure it would still be scary... sure it would be uncertainty... but I think for such a short period of time, the benefits would outweigh the negatives... a year... too much time. I'd miss everything.... I'd miss everyone.
Just please reassure me that I'm not blowing the only opportunity I'm going to have for a steady gig.
The position itself sounds interesting... particularly if it was for a few months or so.... I'd be living in some of the worst areas of the continent photographing it... photographing the living conditions... the decay. I'd get hotel rooms some nights...
The money would be pretty good too... I'd get $50,000 and all expenses paid for.
but... it comes down to this. I know myself too well. I couldn't live like that for a year. Couldn't be alone for a year, couldn't live without those important to me for a year, couldn't be surrounded by so much devastation for a year (far too empathetic... I'd probably go into serious depression), couldn't live with so much uncertainty for a year... and by the sounds of it, I'd have to leave SOON too.... I think I'd need alot of time to prepare for something that big.
It would be too hard on me, physically and emotionally. Hell... talking about it on the phone today, I was getting choked up (but I can blame out of whack hormones as well for that)...
... If I could have this offered to me for only a couple months, I'd do it in a heart beat. Sure it would still be scary... sure it would be uncertainty... but I think for such a short period of time, the benefits would outweigh the negatives... a year... too much time. I'd miss everything.... I'd miss everyone.
Just please reassure me that I'm not blowing the only opportunity I'm going to have for a steady gig.
swinglow:
Not everyone can do this, and you don't need to feel guilty if you don't feel you can do it. There's plenty you can do, back home. No shortage of people that need help and no shortage of photojournalism opportunites to make their case.