hotbonbon

Even I am tiring of my self-indulgent sulking. The road we (husband and I) have chosen to walk in our life is, perhaps, noble, but so challenging and almost defies being human. I don't mean that in an arrogant way, rather that it's a road that requires a lot of rationalizing. I feel guilty indulging in my ow petty problems when, in the bigger picture, I am rich beyond belief. Not monetarily, not in that conventional sense. If we lost our humble possessions tomorrow, we'd be ok. We'd be more than ok. We'd still have more than most. I am reminded every moment of every day of the atrocities, past, current and inevitable, and feel sick and embarrassed for this generation, the one before us, etc...we owe our children and theirs....what we have taken for granted. I feel lost. I feel like the more knowledge I have, the more melancholy and judgemental of others I become. It's wrong I'm sure but is one thing I still allow myself to do or I could not interact with anyone but my mate and the small but growing group of cultural creatives who recognize one another by certain verbal exchanges. Almost ashamed to be concerned and proactive. Burgeoning on mainstream, but still doubted or denied, the movement we live for will live on. And so will I, and you and my cat, and my son. But we must try to change things or nobody will be sitting here sharing their deepest feelings online. I'm tired. I must sleep. I am feeling morose and guilty all in one breath. What a talent.