PREFACE: I woke up at 4 AM after only 4 hours of sleep to the sounds of a flushing toilet and a roommate returning to his bed, only to become too preoccupied with my thoughts to fall back asleep. So, up I went, to the computer, to record some of these thoughts!
Does anyone here remember a time when a gift was exactly that? Simply - a way to express love or appreciation without all the underhanded garbage that has become associated with it?
We live in a society driven by debt, and not just financially, but also emotionally. People consciously and subconsciously perform emotional "acts of debt" on a daily basis, from work to home to friends to religious beliefs. It's all a big "if-then" clause. If your boss takes you out to lunch, then it's expected that you will be a better employee. If you buy your special someone flowers, tolerate a crappy movie, take her to her favorite restaurant, etc, then you will "score" (by the way, what a horrible expression... but I'll save that for another rant). If you buy your friend a nice gift for their birthday, then they are expected to buy you a nice gift for your birthday. Heck, even religion isn't altruistic. If you accept (a) God, then you are expected to do something in return - give x% of your income, give your firstborn as a blood sacrifice, give your body in a holy jihad. After all, isn't quite a number of religions about eternal "payoff"? If you give up your life for (a) God now, you get paid eternally in whatever afterlife your religion touts. It's all a big power play: setting someone up to have "the edge" in any given situation, and it permeates into every facet of our lives.
Even holidays (personal or national) revolve around this idea of consensual debt. In theory, you buy your family and friends gifts to "show appreciation" for their part in your life. But, what happens if the other involved party doesn't return the favor? Or what happens if their "gift" didn't cost as much money or take as much effort as first party's gift to them? Suddenly, this simple idea of "giving" turns into a vicious and oftentimes nasty "game" of guilt where the "winner" is actually the biggest loser. Congratulations, you're now the grand prize winner of a power trip! And as a bonus, we'll even throw in a free guilt trip, for no extra charge! But the real question is, why do we as a society indulge in such blatantly debt-driven activities?
The answer to that may actually be very simple. In truth, we were, and are, being raised in an environment that has a severe lack of understanding when it comes to the word "altruistic". Quite simply, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to find someone who understands, appreciates, and is capable of being a part of an altruistic action. Since we've been raised in a world that just assumes every action is simply another way of gaining "the edge", it is simply impossible, at least for a good majority of us, for altruistic actions to exist. (Egoism hard at work!) Therefore, we do what we must in order to ensure our own safety and well-being, limiting the amount of people we allow ourselves to be indebted to.
Because clearly, if you allow me to buy you that (insert consumer item here) that you can't afford right now, you'd be my slave for life, right? Or how about allowing me to mail you those (insert needed object here) so you can enjoy your hobby more easily in your free time? I'm sure that's just a play to win your affections, and we wouldn't want that! And obviously, if I don't write you a birthday card after you wrote me one, I'm a horrible friend! And don't you dare pay for my dinner! I'm independent gosh darn it, and I don't owe anybody anything! Right? Right??
As if you haven't already gathered by now, I've become rather jaded by the whole system. It's become impossible (for me at least) to simple express... love? appreciation? admiration? to people I care about. It's either totally misunderstood or perceived as a power play/guilt trip. And just as often, I'm expected to be caught up in the same game everyone else plays... and when I don't play ball, I'm a horrible friend/family member/patron etc.
Does anyone here remember a time when a gift was exactly that? Simply - a way to express love or appreciation without all the underhanded garbage that has become associated with it?
Because I'm hard-pressed to find people - or even a God - who understands the meaning of "gift". For me, when I give something - be it a gift, my time, my emotions, my heart - all I really am wanting in return is acceptance - and that doesn't have to be shown by "returning the favor". The satisfaction derived from your pleasure and joy as a result of my "gift", is MORE than enough payback for me. But apparently, that kind of "gift" isn't allowed to exist in this world. Ironic that really, the word "gift" doesn't even exist in the real world.
But we sure understand "debt" really well.
So much more I could expound on, but alas I bet you haven't even read most of this, so I shall /end rant. ;-)
Does anyone here remember a time when a gift was exactly that? Simply - a way to express love or appreciation without all the underhanded garbage that has become associated with it?
We live in a society driven by debt, and not just financially, but also emotionally. People consciously and subconsciously perform emotional "acts of debt" on a daily basis, from work to home to friends to religious beliefs. It's all a big "if-then" clause. If your boss takes you out to lunch, then it's expected that you will be a better employee. If you buy your special someone flowers, tolerate a crappy movie, take her to her favorite restaurant, etc, then you will "score" (by the way, what a horrible expression... but I'll save that for another rant). If you buy your friend a nice gift for their birthday, then they are expected to buy you a nice gift for your birthday. Heck, even religion isn't altruistic. If you accept (a) God, then you are expected to do something in return - give x% of your income, give your firstborn as a blood sacrifice, give your body in a holy jihad. After all, isn't quite a number of religions about eternal "payoff"? If you give up your life for (a) God now, you get paid eternally in whatever afterlife your religion touts. It's all a big power play: setting someone up to have "the edge" in any given situation, and it permeates into every facet of our lives.
Even holidays (personal or national) revolve around this idea of consensual debt. In theory, you buy your family and friends gifts to "show appreciation" for their part in your life. But, what happens if the other involved party doesn't return the favor? Or what happens if their "gift" didn't cost as much money or take as much effort as first party's gift to them? Suddenly, this simple idea of "giving" turns into a vicious and oftentimes nasty "game" of guilt where the "winner" is actually the biggest loser. Congratulations, you're now the grand prize winner of a power trip! And as a bonus, we'll even throw in a free guilt trip, for no extra charge! But the real question is, why do we as a society indulge in such blatantly debt-driven activities?
The answer to that may actually be very simple. In truth, we were, and are, being raised in an environment that has a severe lack of understanding when it comes to the word "altruistic". Quite simply, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to find someone who understands, appreciates, and is capable of being a part of an altruistic action. Since we've been raised in a world that just assumes every action is simply another way of gaining "the edge", it is simply impossible, at least for a good majority of us, for altruistic actions to exist. (Egoism hard at work!) Therefore, we do what we must in order to ensure our own safety and well-being, limiting the amount of people we allow ourselves to be indebted to.
Because clearly, if you allow me to buy you that (insert consumer item here) that you can't afford right now, you'd be my slave for life, right? Or how about allowing me to mail you those (insert needed object here) so you can enjoy your hobby more easily in your free time? I'm sure that's just a play to win your affections, and we wouldn't want that! And obviously, if I don't write you a birthday card after you wrote me one, I'm a horrible friend! And don't you dare pay for my dinner! I'm independent gosh darn it, and I don't owe anybody anything! Right? Right??
As if you haven't already gathered by now, I've become rather jaded by the whole system. It's become impossible (for me at least) to simple express... love? appreciation? admiration? to people I care about. It's either totally misunderstood or perceived as a power play/guilt trip. And just as often, I'm expected to be caught up in the same game everyone else plays... and when I don't play ball, I'm a horrible friend/family member/patron etc.
Does anyone here remember a time when a gift was exactly that? Simply - a way to express love or appreciation without all the underhanded garbage that has become associated with it?
Because I'm hard-pressed to find people - or even a God - who understands the meaning of "gift". For me, when I give something - be it a gift, my time, my emotions, my heart - all I really am wanting in return is acceptance - and that doesn't have to be shown by "returning the favor". The satisfaction derived from your pleasure and joy as a result of my "gift", is MORE than enough payback for me. But apparently, that kind of "gift" isn't allowed to exist in this world. Ironic that really, the word "gift" doesn't even exist in the real world.
But we sure understand "debt" really well.
So much more I could expound on, but alas I bet you haven't even read most of this, so I shall /end rant. ;-)
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
aryx:
Glad you like! 
sharona1881:
wow, i really enjoyed your rant - makes my latest journal entry look really bad though - me asking for present 