horror_queen

Hey all... Well lastnight was marshalls 21st birthday. It was pretty eventful. teesh... I was totally shitting myself about it. Shaking when I went into the bloody bar... argh! Anyway it wasnt all that bad. Although Im still sick of people acting like they are ok with me when they arent. This shit has gone on wayyyy too long. I really cant be arsed anymore. I know Ive been a bitch and Im sorry for that. In thinking others thought they were above me I made myself seem like I was above them. Im a total fucking contradiction sometimes. I hate myself for it. But I survived. Marshall had a great night and really wants me and kerri to be friends. bless him. I will be meeting up with her sometime so we can sort everything. Yuk... I dunno how all this happened... I just let myself build the whole thing up in my head and blew it out of proportion. I am so different to how I was and sometimes I just feel like it would be easier to cut the ties but then when we chat and we're together it feels just like it did. its so confusing... I hate change and I hate the fact that we've both changed so much. I really do. I sometimes just wish we could be back on the swings not caring about anything. I dunno what else to say. bye xxx